Dear Beloved Reader,
April is a month that whispers of newness—buds on the trees, longer days, the promise of new life after a long winter. For many, it’s a season of growth and fresh starts. But for others, especially women navigating emotionally complex marriages, this season can stir something deeper: a longing for renewal not just in nature, but in relationships, in emotional clarity, and in peace at home.
As life blossoms around you, maybe you’re noticing what still feels stuck or strained in your closest relationship. Maybe you’re growing stronger in your own voice, braver in your boundaries, and clearer about what is—and isn’t—your responsibility. But still, the same patterns persist. You speak gently, but you’re misunderstood. You try to create peace, but tension still walks in the room before you do. I get it!
This month, I want to hold space for you—for the precious woman doing the deep heart work. For the one growing in wisdom, even when change feels slow. For the one learning to stand firm without becoming hard, to speak truth without losing tenderness. I see you, I feel you. I hear you. I am on this journey with you!
Let’s walk this out together—grounded and growing in grace, rooted in truth, and with our eyes fixed on the One who sees it all clearly. We need one another! I need yall!
Reader Question:
I am growing stronger every day, and your resources have helped me so much. I’m learning to stand up for myself. Mostly, I’m learning that my husband’s moods are his choosing and not my fault. I’m learning not to walk on eggshells and take care of myself.
But my husband sometimes determines that he knows how I’m feeling. Usually, he assumes I’m in a bad mood or upset with him. No matter how much I protest, he clings to the idea that I’m mad or upset about something and then responds based on that assumption. He gets moody, snarky, defensive. If I tell him I’m not mad, he says, ‘I know you better than you know yourself,’ or, ‘I know what you’re thinking.’
Last night, I tried to present an idea that might help us with our house. He had all sorts of reasons why it wouldn’t work. He kept explaining and explaining until I said, ‘OK, I get it.’ He got snarky at that response and said I was attacking him. He does this frequently—he wears me down.
This morning, I walked into the bedroom to get dressed and the first thing he said was, ‘What’s your problem?’ He then spent the next two hours in a mood because he thought I was mad. I tried to be as light-hearted as I could. I really wasn’t mad. A little miffed that he slept until 11 again—but not angry. I just wanted to get dressed and get things done. I didn’t know where his comment came from. I probably had a quizzical look on my face. I insisted I wasn’t mad, but he wouldn’t buy it. I stayed out of his way and let him have his mood, all the while self-talking that I did nothing wrong (or did I?).
Later, after an hour of silence, he joked about walking on eggshells. I couldn’t tell if he meant me or him. Why does he do this? Why does he create in his mind what he thinks I’m feeling and then react accordingly? What should be my response? How do I take care of myself? Should I be doing something to help him feel better? I’m really not an angry person. I’m contemplative, an introvert, a thinker—and unfortunately, I have a face that frowns a lot. 🙁
LeAnne’s Response: Girlfriend, Let’s Talk About What’s Really Going On!
Dear Sister,
First, can we just take a breath together? A deep, slow and restorative breath.
I read your words slowly, more than once. Not because I needed to—but because I wanted to really hear you. To sit in the quiet space with you where you’re sorting through all of this—the strength you’re stepping into, the confusion you’re carrying, the weight of wondering, “Is it me? Did I do something wrong? Should I be doing more?”
You’re not alone in asking those questions. And I want to say this right from the start:
I see your growth. I hear your heart. And you’re doing hard, beautiful work. You inspire me!
You’re learning to name what’s true: His moods are not your fault. That’s big. And you’re learning not to walk on eggshells, to stay present in your own spirit, to tend to your heart in the middle of emotional chaos. That’s not easy. That’s courageous.
So let’s unpack this together, not with judgment or pressure, but with curiosity and grace.
Let’s Talk About the Pattern
What you’re describing—this cycle where your husband decides you’re upset, won’t believe your truth, and then acts out based on his version of what’s happening—is not just frustrating. It’s emotionally exhausting.
And here’s what I want to name gently but clearly:
That’s not healthy communication.
He’s reading something on your face, or in your silence, or in your tone, and deciding, “She’s mad,” or “She’s attacking me,” even when you’re not. He is telling himself all kinds of stories.
That puts you in a no-win situation. You try to explain, to stay light, to defuse… and still, he’s moody, defensive, withdrawn. And then you start wondering, “Maybe I’m not being light enough. Maybe I should’ve smiled. Maybe it’s my fault he’s having a bad day.”
Friend, that’s a loop of emotional wear-down. It’s a treadmill you don’t need to run on anymore. Let’s get on solid ground together.
Here’s What’s True
You are allowed to have a neutral expression.
You are allowed to be contemplative, introverted, and thoughtful.
You are allowed to say, “I’m not upset,” and not have to defend it ten more times.
You don’t owe anyone proof of your emotional state. And you certainly don’t owe anyone the job of keeping their mood in balance.
That’s not love. When someone leans too heavily on another to feel okay emotionally or expects their partner to fix their feelings, read their mind, or take responsibility for their moods this can feel exhausting—like you’re constantly adjusting yourself just to keep the peace.
God didn’t design relationships to function this way. Scripture reminds us in Galatians 6:5 that each of us is responsible for our own load. Healthy love invites connection, not control. You can be compassionate without being responsible for your husband’s emotional world.
You are learning to step out of unhealthy patterns—which is why it feels disorienting right now.
What You Can Do
You asked, “What should be my response?” and “Should I be doing something to help him feel better?”
Here’s where I want to slow things down and ask:
- What would it feel like to stop trying to convince him of your truth?
- What would it look like to lovingly step away when the assumptions begin?
- What might change if you stopped matching his energy—and started holding onto yours? You have agency. So does he.
You don’t have to debate. You don’t have to defend. You can pause, pray and calmly say:
- “I’m not upset, and I won’t keep trying to convince you.”
- “If you’d like to talk when things feel calmer, I’m open to that.”
- “I can’t carry how you’re feeling. I trust you to take care of that.”
- It’s up to you whether or not you believe me”.
It might feel awkward at first. Unnatural. Maybe even cold. But it’s not cold—it’s clear. It’s respectful. And it’s the kind of boundary that allows both people to own what belongs to them. I often share with the gals I coach, that CLEAR IS KIND. It’s not always easy, yet it does give glory to God, and growth to our spirits.
And, About That Guilt…
You asked if you should be doing something to help him feel better. I hear the heart behind that—it’s tender. You want peace. You want connection. You want to show up as someone who loves well.
Here’s what I want you to know:
Helping someone carry their emotional load is very different from carrying it for them.
You’re not responsible for how he chooses to interpret your tone, your face, or your silence. You can offer empathy, but you can’t rewrite his narrative for him.
And you don’t have to.
You’re Not Crazy. You’re Becoming Clear.
This kind of growth takes time—and truthfully, it often feels lonelier before it feels lighter. Sister-mine you’re on the path. You’re doing the work. And you are not wrong for wanting to live with peace in your heart and clarity in your home.
When Jesus walked among us, He didn’t allow false assumptions to redefine His identity. In fact, John 8:14 reminds us:
“Even if I testify on my own behalf, my testimony is valid, for I know where I came from and where I am going.”
That’s what emotional clarity sounds like. Jesus didn’t over-explain. He didn’t TRY to convince. He simply stood in the truth of who He was.
And dear friend, you can too.
Let the Word of God speak over your heart:
- Proverbs 4:23 – “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
- Isaiah 30:15 – “In quietness and trust is your strength.”
- Romans 12:2 – “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
These verses are not just encouragement—they are permission. To step out of confusion. To guard your heart with wisdom. To live in the pause, through prayer, inviting peace, not pretense.
You’re not here to carry his confusion.
You’re here to live in truth.
And that’s a holy, sacred thing.
Ready to keep growing in clarity, courage, and Christ-centered confidence? Click here to learn more and join the Conquer journey.
Beloved readers: Have you ever felt the pressure to “prove” your emotions—or fix someone else’s feelings to keep the peace? What does it look like for you to guard your heart, stand in truth, and still reflect Christ in emotionally challenging moments?
You’re invited to share your thoughts below—or journal them with the Lord this week. He sees. He knows. He’s not confused about who you are. You are deeply loved and supported.
~ Coach LeAnne
