Our 20 Favorite Reddit-Approved Tips for Lasting Love

If finding love were easy, we wouldn’t have decades of discographies recorded in its name, stacks of books aimed to help manifest our soulmates, dozens of dating apps built to practically serve us all of our options on a platter—hell, much of what you read on our site would cease to exist.

And even when you do find ‘the one,’ nurturing love is just as much of a feat. Relationships require a great deal of effort. Unfortunately, love alone (while grand), isn’t the sole way to get through life’s challenges together. So, what’s the secret to making it work?

We scoured the r/relationship_advice Reddit channel to find the best advice for lasting love, from those who’ve been lucky enough to have found and sustained it. Read on to see the tips that resonated with us, from couples and singles who have learned a thing or two about love:

Self-Improvement & Emotional Well-Being

Who you fall in love with says a lot about what you value and desire. Which is why they say to become the best version of yourself so that you, too, can attract a partner who embodies what you deserve. 

“A partner can act as a mirror, revealing parts of ourselves that are wounded and giving us the opportunity to deepen awareness and healing,” says Ivy Kwong, LMFT. “With willingness to take accountability and action for self-improvement, you can both heal and strengthen your relationship for lasting love.”

Here are some gems from Redditors that have struck a chord with us.

• “If you are emotionally healthy, you will attract the right person. Do not go into a relationship thinking it will magically fix anything. Leave your baggage at the door…” (Takeabreak128)
• “If you think you need therapy, get therapy, and even if you don’t think you need it, get it anyway.” (phenli)
• “Get a journal, pour out all the bad stuff there so it’s not taking up real estate in your head. Learn how to give yourself permission to have good things.” (forget_the_hearse)
• “Equip yourself with tools to break the unhealthy thought processes…” (Spirograph_)

Communication & Conflict Resolution

Let’s be clear: no relationship is without its hurdles. How you get through those hurdles together, though, is what makes the difference between a relationship built on resentment and one built on mutual respect.

“Being able to resolve conflict in a constructive way is important when it comes to lasting love,” says Kwong. “It is important to learn and practice working through disagreements together in an open, honest, and mutually respectful way that focuses on the issue instead of attacking, judging, or withdrawing.”

• “Your partner is not a mind reader, communicate.” (Takeabreak128)
• “If you’re mad, do NOT text about it. Talk in person or call. Takes self-control but is always worth it.” (acar4aa)
• “Do not let ‘little things’, good or bad, go by the wayside… acknowledge them.” (rainman814)
• “Always remember it’s both of you VS the problem, it’s not you vs them.” (DBZ3460)

Keeping the Romance Alive

We might have heard of the three-year relationship problem, the seven-year itch or the post-honeymoon phase. Granted, the sparks you initially felt when you first met that carried into your earlier years of dating may not burn the same, but the romance doesn’t have to (and shouldn’t!) end after your days of courtship,

The solution? Playfulness. Studies have shown that play and laughter can help promote love and long-lasting relationships by strengthening emotional bonds, reducing stress, increasing resilience, and boosting emotional and physical intimacy. It’s safe to say that these Redditors agree:

• “Don’t stop ‘dating’ your partner no matter how long you’ve been together! I have been with my fiancée for 3 years now… and we still have sleepovers.” (dogmama33)
• “Learn each other’s love language. And communicate what you enjoy in a partner.” (ApflePi13)
• “Laugh everyday, make jokes, be childish, chase each other around, slap each other’s butts.” (mira-on-the-wall)
• “Show interest in your partner’s interests. This is very simple: if your partner points out that there’s a moose in your yard and you don’t give a **** about moose, you should go out to the window and look at the moose and make a nice comment such as ‘Oh, so there is.'” (anonymous)

Boundaries & Independence

Maintaining a sense of self outside your love life matters, and users below can attest to this. When we tend to our own interests and hobbies, we can better pour into our relationships from a full cup. 

• “Don’t let other people influence your relationship…” (callmeb84)
• “Respect above all… The person you’re with is not in charge of your happiness, you need to be happy on your own.” (milkyya)
• “The biggest secret I’ve found is that each partner needs to have a life outside the relationship. There are things I enjoy she doesn’t and vice versa. It’s great to share and whatnot, but each partner has to be independent at least to some degree.” (Drpretorios)
• “Get a hobby and do that hobby alone. Sometimes it’s good to have ‘me time.’ It’ll make you a better partner and parent.”

Compatibility & Shared Goals

Being on the same page about your core beliefs and visions for your life together can help to future-proof your relationship and lay the groundwork for lasting love. We loved these nuggets of wisdom:

• “Basic compatibility. No amount of communication will magic away the fact that your partner wants kids and you don’t…” (Gras_Am_Wegesrand)
• “Make sure you are on the same page about the big issues. And by the big issues, I mean core values: religious views, political views, how many kids you want, the kind of life you
  want to live. (Elizabeth_johnsen)”
• “Basically, follow the Golden Rule. It’s you and your partner against the world. (anonymous)”
• “Your relationship is a friendship at its core. Treat it as such and you will see things as they are. (PhD_Secret)”

Bottom Line

While these tips aren’t meant to make or break a relationship, they can provide a solid foundation for your love story. If you’re already in love, they can help you assess the areas in your relationship that could use some more TLC, if any. If you’re looking for love, they can help you get clear on your goals and non-negotiables before you meet your potential partner.

Sometimes a change in core values can lead to a parting of ways—and that’s OK. There is power in staying true to yourself even if it means you have to compromise your situation. You deserve a love that will align with your needs and beliefs in the right time.

If your relationship is on the rocks, or if you simply want a little extra support to prevent future roadblocks, you’re not alone. Working with a couples therapist can help you both communicate more effectively, navigate differences together, and more.