I Have a Fear of Being Average (AKA Koinophobia)

In the timeless, wise words of Michael Scott, “My mother always said average people are the most special. That’s why God made so many of them.” But for many, the idea of being “average” is terrifying–to the point that there is a word for fear of merely being average.

Koinophobia refers to fear of being ordinary, unexceptional, and average. It means fear that your life is mundane and unremarkable, lacking significance and meaning. While not a clinically recognized diagnosis many people experience anxiety related to this fear. The term is attributed to the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows.

Of course, “average,” “ordinary,” “mundane,” and “unexceptional” are all relative terms. We are all probably average or below average at something. With that in mind, koinophobia specifically refers to fear of living an ordinary life, one that does not stand out.

Learn about koinophobia and how to cope if you experience fear of being average.

What Causes Koinophobia?

Since koinophobia is not a recognized diagnosis like Generalized Anxiety Disorder or Social Anxiety Disorder, there is very little formal research on this phenomenon. However, if you search “fear of being average” or “fear of mediocrity” in any search engine, forums around the internet pop up with people expressing this fear.

People who struggle with low self-esteem might fear being average if their self-worth is tied to a certain skill. It can be a way to compensate for insecurities: If I can be good enough and impactful enough, maybe I will feel good about myself. Maybe then my parent will be proud of me.

It is unclear how long koinophobia has existed and whether it is on the rise. Many describe it as a modern phenomenon, and if this is the case, it may be due in part to how accessible information is at this time in history.

Social media offers the opportunity to present a curated view of your life, and many people solely post highlights of all of the wonderful things they are doing. This can lead to the perception that everyone else is achieving more than we are and living a better life than we are, which may contribute to a rise in koinophobia.

Of course, to truly learn what causes koinophobia, we need to research people’s experiences with this fear.

How Does Koinophobia Manifest?

There is no set diagnostic criteria for koinophobia, and even if there were, everyone’s experience is unique. Things that resonate to your experience might not come up for someone else or play out in the same way.

• You might struggle to calm down and let yourself relax, as any time spent not working towards specific goals might feel like a waste.
• You might find yourself overwhelmed and constantly working to an unhealthy extent.
• You might talk down on yourself, saying negative things about your accomplishments because nothing ever feels like enough.

This can lead to agitation, feeling like you are constantly on the go, and over time exhaustion because this is not sustainable.

Mental Health Impact

If your goal is to make an extraordinary impact on the world around you, your work will never be done. There is always something to do, more to fix, and more that you can try to accomplish. The constant grind to always be accomplishing something gets in the way of resting and recharging, which can lead to burnout.

The International Classification of Diseases classifies occupational burnout as a syndrome caused by many things, including over-working. It includes depression, anxiety, reduced energy, exhaustion, executive dysfunction, and other mental health consequences.

In addition to the anxiety that comes with koinophobia, those who pursue greatness without rest are at increased risk for burnout and its associated mental health symptoms.

Even for those who do not reach the point of burnout, people who experience koinophobia tend to have high standards for themselves and their accomplishments. Inevitably, they will not be able to always live up to these standards.

When your sense of self is tied to productivity in this way, falling short can harm your self-esteem and cause even more distress.

Living a Balanced Life

Koinophobia, like all forms of anxiety, can be motivating. The desire to be more than ordinary can light the fire that drives you to do something great. At the same time, when anxiety rises to the level of a phobia, it is debilitating.

By definition, a phobia goes beyond motivation and crosses into distress. It is okay to be motivated by a desire to do something big and important, but when fear of mediocrity is causing anxiety and interfering with your ability to enjoy your life, it becomes a problem.

Give yourself grace, and allow for balance. If you have projects and goals, you can certainly work towards them, but also care for yourself and give yourself space to simply enjoy being alive. Because relentless pursuit can lead to burnout, koinophobia can actually impair your ability to be extraordinary. You cannot pour from an empty glass, as the saying goes. 

Overcoming Koinophobia

If your fear of being average is causing distress or impairment, it is okay to ask for help and get support for your anxiety. Ways that you can overcome your fear of being average include:

• Practice radical self-acceptance. Since fear of being average can stem from low self-esteem, a self-acceptance practice can help you be okay with who you are as you are now.
• Take social media breaks. If you find yourself feeling inadequate when you see what everyone else seems to be accomplishing, unplug and focus on something you enjoy instead. 
• Set manageable goals. It is okay to want to accomplish something in your lifetime, but choosing reasonable expectations for yourself can prevent you from over-extending yourself.
• Talk to a therapist. A mental health provider trained in treating anxiety can help reduce distress related to koinophobia. In particular, cognitive behavioral therapy can help you identify negative self-talk and underlying beliefs that drive your fear of being average.

Be kind to yourself, and know that there is more to life than productivity and output.