Hello, Dear Ones! I love March—it’s the only month with a built-in command: move! Something about this time of year stirs momentum, calling us out of the stillness of winter and into new rhythms, clarity, and steps forward. The days grow longer, the world starts waking up, and maybe—just maybe—it’s time for us to do the same. Whether it’s a physical shift, an emotional breakthrough, or simply a quiet decision to let go of what’s been holding us back, March reminds us that movement is necessary and purpose is possible. So as we step into this season of change, let’s talk about a movement that’s often the hardest of all: detachment. How do we know when it’s time to let go? And how do we do it in a way that feels healthy, freeing, and aligned with who we are becoming? Let’s dive in.
This Week’s Question:
How can we discern if our detachments are healthy and valid? I have found one of the hardest parts of divorcing my ex-husband is emotionally detaching from the potential I saw and the man I know he is deep inside. Although his behavior and choices warrant strong boundaries on my behalf (minimal contact and divorce), how do I still allow myself to love him, or at least honor those feelings I still have? Do I just grieve and call it a loss or is there room that I allow inside of me to still have some level of attachment and/or compassion/care/love?
LeAnne’s Response:
Letting go of someone we once loved—especially when we saw their potential—is complicated. Even when their actions show us that we need to step back, it’s natural to still hold onto hope, memories, or the idea of who they could have been.
But detachment doesn’t mean we stop caring. It doesn’t mean we erase love or deny the impact this relationship had on us. Instead, healthy detachment shifts us from holding onto “what could have been” to accepting “what is”—and finding peace in that reality.
At its core, detachment is not just about leaving a relationship—it’s about healing from it. If you’ve experienced betrayal, manipulation, or deep disappointment, it’s understandable to feel torn between love and self-protection. But you can honor your emotions without staying emotionally tied to someone who continues to hurt you.
How Can We Discern If Our Detachment Is Healthy?
Detachment becomes unhealthy when it is driven by avoidance, denial, or fear of facing loss. It becomes healthy when it aligns with self-respect, emotional clarity, and acceptance of reality.
Friend, here are some guiding questions to ask yourself:
- Am I detaching to protect my well-being, or am I avoiding painful emotions?
- Am I stepping back in wisdom, or am I secretly hoping my absence will make him change?
- Does my detachment bring me peace and clarity, or does it leave me feeling stuck in guilt and longing?
“The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.”
Proverbs 22:3
Recognizing when a relationship is harmful and choosing to step back is an act of wisdom, not weakness. Staying in patterns that continually bring harm or disappointment keeps us trapped in cycles we are not meant to live in.
Can I Still Love Him While Holding Strong Boundaries?
Yes, but love must be redefined. Many struggle with detaching because they equate love with staying connected. But true love—healthy love—does not require continued emotional entanglement.
- You can love someone without being in a relationship with them.
- You can care about their well-being without staying emotionally invested.
- You can honor the good in your history without sacrificing your future.
Love does not mean tolerating harmful behavior or waiting for someone to become who they were meant to be. It’s okay to acknowledge the love you have while also accepting that their choices have made a healthy relationship impossible.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
Proverbs 4:23
Guarding your heart doesn’t mean shutting down or becoming bitter—it means protecting your emotional and spiritual well-being from cycles that drain and harm you.
Do I Just Grieve and Call It a Loss? Or Is There Room for Some Level of Attachment?
Grieving is necessary, but grief does not mean we must remain emotionally attached.
What we often grieve most is not just the person—it’s the dream we had with them, the hope that things could have been different. That loss deserves to be acknowledged. But holding onto emotional ties in the hopes that they might change can keep us stuck.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”
Isaiah 43:18-19
Letting go allows us to make space for healing, peace, and new possibilities.
Today’s post is inspired by the honest and heartfelt conversations I’ve had with so many of you in this community. Your courage in navigating detachment, healing, and growth is what makes this space so meaningful. Much of my perspective has been shaped by both lived experience and the wisdom of those who have walked this journey before us—voices like Leslie’s, who teaches about boundaries with grace, and Lysa TerKeurst, who reminds us that sometimes ‘goodbye is a gift.’ But most of all, this is rooted in biblical truth—because God is a God of wisdom, peace, and forward movement. He doesn’t ask us to stay stuck; He invites us to trust Him as we step forward.
So, to anyone who has ever wrestled with letting go—who has felt the tension between love and self-respect, between grief and freedom—this is for you. You are not alone, and your healing matters. Let’s March…
If you’re struggling to fully let go, give yourself grace. Detachment isn’t instant—it’s a journey. Some days will feel easier than others. But God isn’t rushing you—He is walking with you.
Take a moment to reflect:
- What emotional attachments are still holding me back?
- What small steps can I take to release them, and step into greater peace?
- What do I need to surrender to God so that He can bring healing where I feel stuck?
Whether it’s journaling, seeking wise counsel, or simply praying for strength, know that detachment is a journey—and you don’t have to walk it alone.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Psalm 34:18
You are not walking away alone. God is near, guiding you, healing you, and leading you toward wholeness.
You don’t have to force yourself to stop caring, but you can choose a new way to love—one that doesn’t keep you bound to the past.
- You can honor the love you had without remaining emotionally attached to someone who is not capable of loving you well.
- You can release him without bitterness, but with wisdom.
- You can grieve what was while embracing what is ahead for you.
- You can love the man he is, praying God wakes him up to his complacency and sin rather than protecting or enabling his dysfunction to continue to harm you.
Biblical love is not about absorbing someone else’s emotions, proving yourself, or tolerating dysfunction—it’s about standing in truth, setting wise boundaries, and choosing peace. Love can be patient, but it is not permissive. It can be compassionate, but it does not enable harm. Right now, loving well might look like releasing the need to manage his moods, protecting your own emotional well-being, and trusting that real love is rooted in truth, not turmoil. You can care without carrying, and you can love without losing yourself.
True detachment isn’t about forgetting—it’s about freeing yourself to fully live, grow, and heal.
Letting go isn’t giving up—it’s choosing yourself.
Friends, what has helped you the most in learning to detach in a healthy way? If you’re still in the process, what is one small step you feel ready to take today?
