When your teenager’s behavior becomes out of control, it can feel like you’re standing on shifting ground. It’s not uncommon for parents to think their teen is out of control, or to wonder if things will ever return to normal. The truth is that out-of-control teen behavior often reflects deeper struggles rather than defiance for the sake of teenage rebellion. With patience, understanding, and strategic action, you can guide your teenager — and yourself — toward calmer waters.
We’ll explore what to do when your teenager is out of control and offer actionable strategies to create stability and strengthen your relationship with your child.
Stay Calm and Composed
No matter the situation, it’s important to stay calm — even when their actions push every button. Reacting emotionally can escalate tensions and make it harder to connect. Instead, focus on responding with intention. Take a moment to breathe and consider how you ideally want to respond before addressing a heated situation. Remember, kids often mirror the reactions they observe in adults, making it crucial to remain composed.
If tensions are high and your teenager is angry, taking a moment to step away and collect yourself—while calmly suggesting your child do the same—can help diffuse the situation. By modeling calmness and self-control, you not only de-escalate the moment but also set a positive example for your child during these critical years.
Establish Open Communication
One of the most effective ways to address challenging behavior is to strengthen your communication. Teens often act out because they feel misunderstood or unheard. Creating a safe, judgment-free environment where they feel safe to share their feelings is the first step toward progress. When your teenager expresses emotions and feelings, practice active listening by:
- Making eye contact
- Avoiding interrupting or thinking about your response while they’re still talking
- Acknowledging their emotions without blame or reactivity
Instead of saying, “Why are you always so disrespectful?” try, “I can see you’re upset. Can you help me understand what’s going on?” By validating their emotions and staying curious, you can build empathy and maintain positive engagement. It’s important to be aware of your body language, too. A rigid posture, avoiding eye contact, sighing, or placing your hands on your hips can be counterproductive to building healthy, open communication.
Set Clear Boundaries and Enforce Consistent Consequences
Teenagers may resist structure, but clear boundaries can actually help them feel safe and secure. Clearly communicate your expectations and the consequences for breaking rules, focusing on fostering healthy behavior in your child. Consistency is key — without it, teens may test their limits or see what they can get away with.
For example, if their curfew is 10 pm, enforce it with compassion, even if it causes conflict in the short term. Try to avoid overly harsh punishments, as these can lead to resentment. Instead, focus on consequences that align with the behavior, such as reduced screen time or a temporary loss of privileges.
Address Underlying Causes
It can feel impossible to know what to do when your teenager is out of control. A good place to start might be digging deeper and trying to figure out the source of the issue. Consider what started this change in your teen’s behavior, whether it’s acting out from emotional or mental health issues or school-related trouble.
Common causes of behavioral problems in teens
Oftentimes, out-of-control teen behaviors are a sign of something deeper going on. Understanding the root causes can help you support your child through these challenging years. Common triggers include:
- Academic pressure: Teens today face intense pressure to balance school, extracurriculars, and social lives, which can quickly become overwhelming.
- Bullying or peer pressure: Social struggles often fuel anger, withdrawal, or risky behaviors as your teen tries to navigate friendships and fitting in.
- Hormonal changes: The hormonal shifts during adolescence can make it harder for teens to manage their moods and impulses, leading to emotional rollercoasters.
- Mental health conditions: Understanding the root causes of out-of-control behavior often involves looking at your teen’s mental health, as struggles like anxiety, depression, or stress can manifest through their actions. Disorders like depression, anxiety, and ADHD are on the rise among teens, and they often result in defiance or mood swings.
- Substance use: Experimenting with drugs or alcohol can worsen behavioral and emotional struggles, making it harder for your teen to cope.
If you notice these signs in your child, it’s crucial to act sooner rather than later. Identifying the underlying issue helps you find the right support—whether it’s therapy, academic help, or peer group interventions—so your teen can feel understood and get the guidance they need.
“Adolescence is a time of great growth and change and can also be quite overwhelming. Given that there are so many stressors during this life stage, intervening early when you have concerns about your teenager’s well-being is vital. Intervening early builds a foundation for success before the concerns develop into a more complex struggle.”
Strengthen Your Relationship With Them
When parenting an out-of-control teen, it’s crucial to remind them that you’re in their corner, even during challenging times. Research shows that parental emotional support during the formative years of adolescence has long-term benefits for both physical and mental health. Make time for your teenager—without any expectations. Whether you’re watching a movie, cooking together, attending school events, or diving into a shared hobby, these simple moments go a long way in rebuilding trust. They show your teen that they are loved, valued, and supported, no matter what.
Even the smallest gestures, like leaving an encouraging note or sending a quick text to check in, can make a huge difference. Your consistent support and unconditional love become one of the most important stabilizing forces in your teen’s life, especially during these challenging years.
Seek Professional Support
If you’re at your wit’s end about what to do with an out-of-control teenager, it might be time to reach out for professional help. Therapists and counselors can equip both parents and teens with strategies to manage difficult dynamics more effectively. Family therapy, in particular, can be a helpful option, offering a neutral space where a therapist can guide conversations and help everyone feel heard. Some schools also offer counseling services, so don’t hesitate to explore academic programs that could provide extra support.
For additional help, Talkspace offers online therapy tailored for teenagers and their parents. With non-judgmental support in a private setting, online therapy provides your teen a safe space to share their feelings and learn valuable tools to better manage their emotions.
“Working with a licensed mental health professional offers many benefits to both the teenager and the adults in their life. Working with a licensed mental health professional allows your teenager to build skills and learn to navigate the big emotions of adolescence in a safe environment with a trusted adult.”
Limit Access to Negative Influences
When your teen is acting out, their environment often plays a big role in shaping their behavior. That includes your child’s social circle and what they see online. Negative peer pressure or unhealthy social media habits can quickly fuel troubling behavior, as the effects of social media on teens often amplify feelings of anxiety, insecurity, and pressure to conform.
As a parent, it can feel like a tricky balancing act. Trying to control who they spend time with or restricting their social media can backfire, leaving both of you frustrated. But addressing issues early is key. Instead of imposing strict rules, try working with your teen to spot unhealthy relationships or habits. Encourage them to surround themselves with positive influences and set reasonable limits on screen time.
By teaming up with them, you empower your teen to make better choices—helping them take ownership of their decisions, rather than feeling like they’re being controlled.
Encourage Positive Outlets
When you’re faced with an out-of-control teenager, it’s helpful to think about healthier ways they can channel their energy. Encourage activities that match their interests—whether that’s sports, art, music, or volunteering. These serve as crucial self-care ideas for teens, helping them reduce stress and build self-esteem.
A teen dealing with anger or aggression might find relief through activities like boxing or running, releasing pent-up emotions in a constructive way. Meanwhile, another might discover outlets through painting or journaling. Adding routine and structure to their day can further support positive habits, giving them a sense of purpose and helping them focus their energy in a meaningful way.
Educate Yourself
During adolescence, your teen’s brain undergoes major changes, especially in the prefrontal cortex — the part of the brain that helps with decision-making, impulse control, and reasoning.
This area also helps regulate the emotional impulses coming from the amygdala, or emotion center, which becomes super active during the developmental years of adolescence. This can result in impulsive, emotionally charged behavior. At the same time, the brain is pruning away unused neural connections and strengthening others, making teens more sensitive to peer influence and more likely to take risks.
While these changes don’t excuse problematic behavior, they do shed light on why teens may struggle with self-regulation or make risky choices. Understanding these developmental shifts allows you to approach challenges with more empathy and adopt strategies that support your child’s growth. There are plenty of resources—books, workshops, and parenting courses—that offer insights and strategies. Online communities can also connect you with other parents facing similar situations, giving you extra support on this journey.
Maintain a Safe Environment
When it comes to raising healthy kids and supporting troubled teens, a safe environment is crucial—physically and emotionally. Start by removing or securing anything that could pose a danger, like alcohol, weapons, or prescription medications.
Emotional safety is just as important. Make sure your teen knows that home is a place where they’re free to be themselves, without fear of judgment or hostility. Encourage open conversations, listen without interrupting, and model calm, constructive responses when tensions rise. This creates a positive example of how to handle conflict and lets them know that no matter what, they have a safe space to land.
Be sure to work with their school to ensure that their support system is strong and consistent both at home and in the classroom.
Practice Patience
Change takes time, and the journey is often slower than we’d like. Patience is key—remember that progress is made in small, steady steps. Celebrate even the tiniest victories, whether it’s a successful conversation or a good decision, as these moments build momentum and boost confidence for both you and your teen.
Setbacks will happen—that’s part of the process. But with persistence, understanding, and consistency, lasting change is possible. Your support and belief in your teen’s potential can make all the difference, giving them the confidence to keep moving forward, no matter the bumps along the way.
Moving Forward as a Family
Parenting an out-of-control teenager is a marathon, not a sprint. While the day-to-day challenges can feel overwhelming, it’s important to focus on long-term growth rather than immediate perfection.
Equally vital is the process of forgiveness — both for your teen and yourself. Mistakes, heated moments, and missteps will happen on both sides, but every day offers a chance for a fresh start. By choosing to forgive and move forward, you teach your teen the value of resilience and grace.
If you’re still thinking your teenager is out of control and don’t feel like you can handle the situation on your own, resources are available. Talkspace can be an incredible resource for both parents and teens seeking professional help to navigate these difficult years. Online therapy for teens can provide the guidance and tools needed to navigate this tough period and help your child thrive. Don’t hesitate to reach out for support—you don’t have to do it alone.
