Mixing Friend Groups? A Relationship Coach Shares What to Do (And What Not to Do)

I love throwing dinner parties. It’s become a passion project to weave together a room of loose threads and watch them tighten into a connected web—one that holds the space, catalyzes connection, and continues long after the plates are cleared. There’s something so magical about seeing the people you hoped would get along swap numbers, and the way a night refuses to end with everyone ending up in the kitchen eating leftover dessert.

Research shows we are wired to connect and a sense of belonging can provide incredible healing benefits and self-actualization to virtually every facet of our lives. Naturally, mixing friend groups sounds like a great idea. Better health, a stronger support system, and more memories with the people you love. Win-win! 

But in reality, personalities can clash and awkward silence can ensue. Whenever I plan events and mix old and new groups, I’ve noticed how unexpectedly tricky this process can be. I do believe mixing friend groups can work. But it depends on the crowd. Read on to learn some tips about how to introduce some friend groups to each other and how to keep others separate. 

The Psychology of Friend Groups

“A strong friend group provides a safety net during tough times and provides us with resilience to tackle life’s challenges,” says Jenny Maenpaa, LCSW. “Knowing we have people who care about us can reduce stress and loneliness. They play a significant role in shaping our sense of identity. Being part of a group also fulfills a fundamental human need for connection. It reminds us that we’re not alone in this world.”

Dr. Mikki Lee Elembaby, a licensed psychologist at Clarity Therapy NYC, explains that the makeup of friend groups involves a mix of shared identity, situational experiences, values, unspoken rules, and individual roles—such as the peacekeeper or the planner—which all influence the social dynamics and how the group functions. 

So, it’s totally natural to have different dimensions of your personality amplified (or toned down) depending on the people you’re hanging out with. My work friends see me as the type-A organizer who never misses a detail, while my spiritual friends know the esoteric side that leads by intuition and faith. I switch between these versions seamlessly, but when these two groups come together, the circumstances of how I show up can be a different story. 

How to Mix a Friend Group

If you’re looking to connect your friends, here are a few things that can set you up for success:

Look for Shared Interests

“If you’re introducing different friends and hoping to form a cohesive group, try starting with common ground, such as introducing friends who share at least one thing in common,” Elembaby says. “This can be a common interest, life experience, or just that they have a similar sense of humor. This will be easier than trying to blend in with wildly different friends who don’t have anything in common with each other, leading you to play social referee. 

Introduce Others at a Purposeful Event

The best way to mix friend groups is at an event with a built-in intention, shared experience, or a common interest, such as a birthday party, game night, housewarming, concert, themed activity, culinary experience, or wedding. When there’s a theme to focus on, it takes the pressure off. “Common activities can serve as neutral ground where people can bond without pressure,” Maenpaa says.

Be the Host With the Most

“You can start small by facilitating one-on-one interactions first, or you can just throw everyone in the same room and hope for the best,” Elembaby says. “It really depends on what you feel most comfortable with. What matters is that you make everyone feel as included as possible.”

Encourage a Foundation of Respect and Inclusivity

“Encourage everyone to appreciate each other’s differences, whether it’s in humor, communication styles, or interests. Highlight the unique strengths each person brings to the group,” Maenpaa says. When you have a warm attitude and lavish the people you love with kindness and compliments, people want to interact more with each other.  

Set Realistic Expectations

“Pay attention to how people interact,” Maenpaa recommends. This helps respect everyone’s sovereignty and avoid disappointment. “If someone seems left out or uncomfortable, gently bring them into the conversation or activity.”

Research indicates having a large network of different ages, races, incomes, and educational backgrounds leads to greater social cohesion and personal well-being. People in healthy friend groups tend to have lower stress, higher life satisfaction, adaptability, and more resilience. 

Plus, your community feels more communal. As you expand to a bigger group, emotional support broadens and there are more perspectives to consider. If one friend is sick, another friend can show up with soup. If someone is going through a hard time, the entire group can rally and support them as a whole. We don’t have to go at it alone anymore.

The Challenges of Mixing a Friend Group

Despite your best intentions, sometimes friend groups don’t play nicely with each other. Here are some things to consider: 

• They just don’t mesh well. Jealousy, cliques, evolving group roles, or perceived closeness can create tension, especially when some friends have a longer history compared to others. Elembaby notes clashing personalities or louder friends dominating low-key personalities may also make it harder for people to get along. “It’s better to let subgroups form naturally rather than force the entire group together,” she says. 
• Mismatched outlooks. If your friend groups are in other life stages or have different values, it can be hard to find enough common ground for a more solid friendship to thrive.
• Personal preference. Some friends might prefer having a smaller circle because they value nurturing smaller connections, feel anxious about being expected to get along with everyone, or find large group settings draining.
• Feeling left out. Sometimes, you might wind up in a situation where your best friends start hanging out without you. This might stir up worries that you no longer belong and that you’re being excluded. This is a common anxiety, and while it’s positive that your friends are getting along, it can also trigger tough emotions that you’re being forgotten, replaced, ignored, rejected, or disposed of.

When Mixing Friends Goes Wrong

If it doesn’t go well, here’s what to do:

Acknowledge the Issue

“If tensions or discomfort arise, don’t ignore them. Address the issue calmly and compassionately,” Maenpaa says. “Encourage them to listen actively to the concerns and viewpoints without rushing to judgment. This can foster empathy and mutual understanding. Sometimes, simply naming the problem can help the group move forward.”

Accept It

Just because you love them doesn’t mean they have to love each other. Let go of any pressure and allow them to connect on their terms. This will promote healthy communication and respect at the bare minimum. If you force it, they may feel resentful.

Mix Groups Consciously

Reflect on the last get-together. Maybe the vibe was off because the setting wasn’t right or certain personalities didn’t get along. By being thoughtful about these elements, you can create future environments where everyone can reasonably get along at the times that matter most. 

Let Go of Perfection

“If certain personalities clash or someone consistently feels excluded, it might be worth reconsidering how the group interacts. Smaller, more intimate gatherings might work better than large group activities,” Maenpaa says. “Not every friend group will come together perfectly, and that’s okay. It’s natural for some people to connect more deeply than others. Focus on nurturing the connections that do work.”

Strengthen Your Friendship

Friendships aren’t zero-sum. If your best friends unexpectedly hit it off way better than you thought they would, it doesn’t diminish your unique bond. A growing community is like an ever-expanding ecosystem where connection is compounded. Instead of feeling hurt that your friends are hanging out without you, see it as a sign that you have great taste in people and that love is being multiplied-not taken away.

When you feel threatened, that’s an important insecurity to acknowledge. Don’t repress your emotions. It’s important to bring this up with your friends, share what you’re feeling, and ask for more quality time. Being vulnerable about your fears will bring you closer together.

Bottom Line

I love the magic of bringing my friend groups and seeing all of the people I care about the most in the same room. At the same time, I also really enjoy one-on-one settings where each connection can flourish.

Quality matters more than quantity, and that principle applies to mixing friend groups. My advice is to bring people together because it feels meaningful and enriching, not just for the sake of it. Trust what feels right for you and your friends, and let the connections unfold naturally.