There is no such thing as an amicable divorce with a sociopath. They try to ruin you financially. They smear you to everyone who knows you. This is what a Lovefraud reader experienced. So she sent me an email and asked, “Why is my ex driving slowly by my house?”
Here’s the full email, from the reader whom we’ll call Cecilia25:
I had emailed you about a year and a half ago. I explained to you that my husband had a Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde personality. He would disappear for hours sometimes days and would not answer calls or texts. He gave me the silent treatment and was a pathological liar. He had beaten down my self esteem.
You told me that was typical sociopathic behavior. You told me a divorce would be ugly but worth it. You were 100 correct on that. My ex-husband did everything he could to drag out the divorce. He would miss court deadlines for paperwork, refuse to answer any questions, misplace paperwork. He finally signed the divorce paper 2 days before my birthday. This was after I was pretty much drained financially from attorney fees.
At that time, he told everyone he had a girlfriend and that I was a horrible person and he is a good person. He spread horrible lies about me to friends and family. With that being said: Our divorce was final 7 months ago. We have no children together. Two times in the past week I have saw him slowly drive by my house, looking directly at my house. Where I live is off the beaten path. No one drives through this area unless: They have family they are visiting. There are no businesses back here.
Read more: After the breakup, do sociopaths return?
He did not see me. It was just by chance I glanced out the window and saw him. This is a public street so he has the right to drive by. He did not yell or throw anything. I just find it odd that he would drive by; I was a horrible person according to him. It seems he should be happy the divorce is over.
My only question is: What would be his reason to drive by? Or is it just being nosy? Am I scared? Not at all.
Thank you Donna, your explanation to me on my first email helped me more than you know.
Donna Andersen replies
Hello Cecilia25,
It’s always difficult to say exactly why a sociopath does something, because their motivations make no sense to the rest of us. One thing to keep in mind is that they consider their partners to be their “property,” even after divorce. So by driving slowly by your house after divorce, he could be checking up on his “property.”
Another possibility may be that the girlfriend dumped him, and he doesn’t have another source of “supply,” so he’s thinking about using you again. This may seem shocking, given how much he berated and criticized you, but it is a possibility.
The way your ex talked about you is normal for sociopaths. Nothing is ever their fault, so of course, you are the evil one who caused the divorce. You probably cheated and stole from him as well, according to his stories. They want to present themselves as the victim
I recommend that you do not interact with him at all. However, if it appears that he’s stalking you, maybe you should get a camera surveillance system for your house so you can have a record if you need it.
At the very least, you should keep a record of the incidents — the dates and times you saw him drive by. If this becomes a problem and you feel threatened, you’ll need specifics in order to file a police report or get a restraining order. But only take those steps as a last resort. It’s best to just ignore him if you can.
Learn more: How to report your abuser’s crimes so the police take you seriously
