Hello Friends! Here in West Michigan, I find myself begrudging winter this time of year, as there is quite a bit of winter left in my future. Once the new year begins, I must intentionally resist the rush toward spring. I remind myself that winter has a purpose. There is no doubt, the midwestern winter season affects me. As I watch the plants and animals retreat to conserve energy before the spring growth, I wonder if God’s purpose for winter is to provide a period of rest, reflection, and preparation for renewal. Perhaps this mirroring the natural cycle of His creation could teach humans to embrace a time of inward focus and patient trust in God’s plan for new beginnings. The practice of rest and retreat has real value. How well are you wintering? In what ways could you cultivate restorative rest for yourself in preparation for what God is springing to life in you?
Today’s question: How do I get outside of my feelings so I can make smart decisions for myself and my children?
Susan’s Response: There is little information about the situation behind this question. Let me start by saying, finding safety is the first step in getting outside of your feelings. Getting to a place of safety is a smart decision for you and your children. Even though you may be able to create safety, don’t be surprised if you are still experiencing lasting intensity in your emotions and body. Be kind to yourself; this process can be challenging. I am certain there is a good reason why you are struggling. Your question is a short one and yet, it is also a big question that could have a lengthy response. I will try to give a meaningful but concise answer that assumes your survival needs are not the main issue.
Ultimately, feelings are meant to serve and help in making smart decisions. In order to allow feelings to be helpful, you must first gain awareness about what they are, where they are coming from, and practice regulating them so that they are not the only resource being used in making decisions. It can help to get outside your emotions by understanding what is happening inside your body and why.
Emotions that are heightened and overpowering have a tendency to take the lead in decision making, but they don’t lead in the direction of long term health or wisdom. They only know how to desperately focus on immediate survival needs, whether real or imagined. Finding balance between thoughts, feelings, body sensations and experience allow all of your internal resources to aid in smart decision making. As believers, God’s Word becomes an incredibly important resource as well.
For protection, God created all living things with mechanisms to help them survive in their environment. In the human brain, exists a small almond shaped structure called the amygdala and a walnut sized structure called the Thalamus. Sensory information comes into your body and travels by way of the Thalamus to the Amygdala. The thalamus is like the Grand Central Station for sensory information; it sends information on to where it needs to go next in the brain. Once received by the Amygdala, its job is to perceive threats from the raw unprocessed information sent by the Thalamus. This pathway of information processes at a very high speed but not very fully. Within milliseconds, your body is able to perceive a threat and respond with an amygdala guided defense reaction of fight, flight, or freeze. This is a brilliant system! For the purpose of survival, it is really very helpful. For the purpose of long term smart choices, it has some challenges.
Fortunately, God created humans with another pathway in the brain for processing information and for the purpose of making wise decisions. Sensory information is received by the Thalamus and gets sent on to the cortex of the brain for higher level processing. Although this process takes longer than the Amygdala pathway, it is able to provide much more complete information with more depth about what is being perceived. For example if I were to step on a black coiled object while cleaning up my garage, my Amygdala is likely to make a snap judgment and cause me to run in order to keep me safe from a snake. Shortly thereafter, my cortex would be able to discern the object is a harmless garden hose.
To get outside your feelings means to gain perspective and distance from your emotions by allowing your brain the time to fully consider all of the available data. The question you may now be asking is, How do I allow my cortex to fully process the information from my senses, and at the same time sooth my Amygdala so that it doesn’t perceive a threat and hijack my ability to choose my response?
There are several actions you can take for the health and wellbeing of your brain processes. Diet, sleep, and exercise are always important factors to consider. The Amygdala is positively affected by REM sleep, minimal sugar and caffeine intake, and movement of the body.
Not only is caring for your physical body crucial but also caring for your thought life is as well. When you think fearful thoughts, your Amygdala responds as if fear were your current reality. So while the Amygdala can perceive danger in your environment before you are even aware, it can also pick up threats coming from your own thoughts. Building self awareness regarding thoughts is important.
Although it is God’s desire for believers to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, in moments of intense and reactive emotions, it can seem too difficult to carry out the directive in 2 Corinthians 10:5. The Amygdala communicates through perceived experience rather than by way of thoughts or words. When the Amygdala is ignited with fear, it is better to speak to it in a language that it can understand. Practice this; by creating a visualization about a special verse, you can help calm the Amygdala through a felt experience. Here are a couple of my favorites:
Isaiah 43:1b, “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.
Isaiah 41:10, Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
The focus of this practice isn’t about trying not to feel fear, but instead to visualize and experience the gaze of a perfect parent who knows you, loves you and is right there with you. Pause, breath, and know God is there to help you balance your internal resources. He is with you as you observe your reaction rather than repressing or restraining emotions. He can help you put a name to what you are feeling. He is present as you witness the intensity of your emotions peak and as you experience the decline of your emotional reaction.
For many situations in life, the survival defenses of fight, flight,and freeze are not what is best for us long term. Through continued practice, you can pair this visualization experience with what triggers the unneeded survival response. Neuroscientists tell us that neurons that wire together fire together. This means the soothing connection between your felt experience and what is being unnecessarily perceived by the Amygdala can become stronger, allowing much faster and easier neural pathway communication in the future.
Be well!
Beloved reader, what skills have you learned that help when your emotions hijack your ability to respond in the way you desire most?
