7 Reasons Parents Feel Jealous of Their Children and How to Cope

Picture this: You’re sitting on the bleachers at your kid’s high school graduation. But instead of feeling that overwhelming sense of pride when you see them walk across the field to accept their diploma, you almost feel an emotion you can only compare to what it felt like when your co-worker took credit for a project you managed end-to-end. What on earth? You shouldn’t feel envious of your kid—especially if they’re celebrating such a pivotal milestone in their lives… right?

Well, it’s normal to feel jealous of your child sometimes. They’re growing up in a more open and accepting society. They may be more talented, better at expressing themselves, and have more friends than you did growing up. 

You’re financially able to provide more nutritious food and give them opportunities to pursue higher education and advanced extracurricular activities than your parents did. You may feel like they’re getting the life you always wanted. But how do you manage these jealous feelings so it doesn’t hurt the relationship with your child?

Causes of Jealousy Toward Your Child

Eli Harwood, a licensed professional counselor and attachment theory expert, explains that parents can feel jealous of their children when they see their children have experiences, qualities, or relationships they never got to have. 

Unmet Needs

Alyssa Campbell, emotional development expert and founder and CEO of Seed & Sew, explains that parental jealousy often isn’t actually about the child. Instead, it’s about the parent’s own unmet needs, past emotional wounds, or the grief of watching their child receive something they never had.

Comparing Childhood Experiences

Harwood shares that parents might feel jealous watching their child feel loved and secure because they felt neglected and anxious in their childhood. 

“Even if a parent has done incredible work to help their child feel safe and positive in their childhood, it can trigger jealous feelings in their younger self who longed deeply to have those same traits or life dynamics,” explains Harwood. 

Campbell shared the following real-life examples of parents comparing their childhood experiences:

• A parent who grew up without emotional validation might feel a pang of jealousy watching their child freely express emotions and receive comfort.
• A parent who struggled with friendships as a kid might feel envious when they see their child forming easy, joyful connections.
• A parent who never had financial security may feel jealous when their child has opportunities they never did, like dance classes or summer camp.

Competitive Mindset

Harwood adds that there are cases where a parent has a competitive mindset; they might feel jealous of their child in immature ways, such as feeling that their child is more beautiful, athletic, popular, talented, or smarter. 

“Emotionally immature parents may compete with their child for affection from others or for a sense of superiority,” says Harwood.

Is It Wrong to Feel Jealous of Your Child?

Harwood reassures that feeling jealous is a normal experience. If your children have experiences or connections that you didn’t get to have, it makes sense that you would react to it emotionally. Your jealousy only becomes a problem if you don’t manage it appropriately.

Campbell says that emotions aren’t good or bad — they’re signals. Jealousy, in particular, is often a signal pointing to something in your own experience that needs attention or healing. 

She adds that if jealousy turns into resentment or creates emotional distance, it can strain your relationship and impact your child’s sense of security. But if you recognize it as an invitation for self-reflection, it becomes an opportunity for growth. Campbell recommends asking yourself the following questions: 

• What am I grieving? 
• What did I need as a child that I didn’t receive? 
• How can I offer that to myself now while allowing my child’s experience to be different?

Managing Your Jealousy

Campbell shares that managing parental jealousy starts with self-awareness and self-compassion. She suggests the following ways to navigate it:

• Notice and name it: Acknowledge the feeling without shame. For instance, you can say to yourself, “I’m noticing I feel jealous when my child gets to experience something I couldn’t afford in my own childhood.”
• Reflect on the root: Ask yourself, “What does this feeling tell me about my own childhood or unmet needs?”
• Reparent yourself: Give yourself what you didn’t receive. This might look like practicing self-compassion, seeking supportive relationships, or starting therapy.
• Honor both truths: It’s okay to grieve what you didn’t have while also acknowledging that you’ve created a different reality for your child. Recognizing your loss doesn’t diminish what you’re able to give your child now.

She gives the example of being jealous about the friendships your child is forming in their life. This may cue you into the fact that you may need more close relationships. You can then put more effort into investing in your friendships so that you get those needs met and no longer have to feel jealous when you see your children thriving in theirs.

Should You Tell Your Child How You Feel?

Harwood says that feeling jealousy towards a child is one area that she does not recommend parents sharing with their children. It is confusing for a child to try to understand how the positive things in their life would bring about a negative emotional state in us.

Campbell adds that kids shouldn’t carry the weight of their parents’ emotions. Instead, process these feelings with a partner, friend, or therapist. 

“The best thing you can do for your child is to continue giving them what you may have missed without making them responsible for your healing,” advises Campbell.

Seeking Support

If you’re having trouble coping with these feelings and it’s negatively impacting the relationship with your child, reach out to a mental health professional who can provide appropriate guidance on family dynamics. They can help you recognize your emotions and understand your experiences so that those feelings don’t take over how you parent.

Harwood advises sharing with a caring confidant in your life who can help you release the feelings and work to understand them. Then, you can identify the unmet need(s) that lie beneath your feelings. It’s crucial to take action to meet those needs to reduce the jealous feelings you are having in response to your child’s life.

“When we acknowledge and process these feelings, we can show up for our kids without our past getting in the way. Instead of unintentionally repeating patterns of deprivation or dismissal, we get to create a new cycle — one where both we and our children get to feel seen, valued, and supported,” advises Campbell.