9 Signs Your Partner Might Be Quiet Quitting Your Relationship

Not all breakups come with a dramatic end. Sometimes, they happen in slow motion. One minute you’re in love and the next it suddenly feels like you haven’t really seen your partner or connected with them properly in ages.

Lately, there haven’t been any flirty texts or flowers “just because.” Date nights? A thing of the past. Romantic gestures? Zilch. These days you’re lucky if they look up from their phone long enough to mumble something at you.

If you find yourself stuck in that weird, uncomfortable space where you’re pretty sure your relationship is running on fumes, but nobody’s officially calling it quits, you might be dealing with quiet quitting—the relationship edition.

“Quiet quitting is when someone stops putting effort and energy into the relationship,” says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist. 

Instead of actively nurturing the bond, the person is checked out and does the bare minimum, simply going through the motions of being in a relationship, says Claudia de Llano, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of “The Seven Destinies of Love.”

In this article, we explore what quiet quitting looks and feels like, and what to do if you think your partner is slowly pulling away from you.

What Is Quiet Quitting in a Relationship?

The quiet quitting movement started as a workplace trend where employees stopped going above and beyond their job descriptions and just did the bare minimum instead. Popularized by Gen Z, it was a response to burnout, low pay, toxic work cultures, and poor work-life balance.

However, the concept of quiet quitting has expanded beyond the workplace. In relationships, quiet quitting happens when someone withdraws emotionally but doesn’t officially break up with you.

They stop putting in any effort and act more like a passive participant than a committed partner. Instead of addressing issues head-on, they slowly check out, leaving you feeling confused, frustrated, and unfulfilled.

“Quiet quitting feels like your partner has stopped investing their time, energy, money, emotions, and resources in the relationship,” says de Llano.

Signs Your Partner Is Quiet Quitting Your Relationship

If your partner is quiet quitting your relationship, they might not say it outright, but their actions (or lack of them) will speak volumes. Here are some signs to look out for:

• They put in zero effort: It feels like your partner has stopped investing their time, energy, money, emotions, and resources in the relationship, says Dr. Romanoff. No more date nights, cute texts, or thoughtful gestures—it’s like they’ve stopped trying.
• They’re not communicating: They barely talk to you anymore, and when they do, the conversation is strained and forced. They have no interest in your thoughts and feelings or what you’ve been up to. You’ll notice that they share less about themselves and their life too, says de Llano.
• They don’t want to spend time together: Your partner doesn’t appear to be motivated to do things with you and finds ways to get out of spending time together just the two of you, says Dr. Romanoff.
• They prioritize everything else: Their friends, work, or even their pet seem to come first, and you feel like an afterthought. They may even start to make a lot more plans without you, says de Llano.
• They avoid talking about the future: They no longer talk about future plans you once discussed, and when you bring them up, they brush them off or change the subject.
• They’re easily irritable: Small things set them off, and their patience with you has disappeared. You may find that the two of you are arguing more than you used to, says Dr. Romanoff.
• There’s no intimacy: Cuddling, hugging, kissing, or even casual touches have become awkward or nonexistent. In fact, they may not initiate intimacy anymore and make excuses to avoid it, says Dr. Romanoff.
• They’re always distracted: Their phone, work, or hobbies get more attention than you do. Even if they’re physically present, it feels like they’re emotionally distant and you can’t get through.
• There’s a major disconnect: You can feel the spark fading, but they don’t seem to care enough to reignite it. You’ll notice a marked difference in their level of consistency, says Dr. Romanoff. “A partner who was once present, committed, and invested in the relationship is suddenly detached and withdrawn.”

Mental Impact of Having Someone Quiet Quit on You

Having a partner quiet quit on you can be just as painful—if not more—than an actual breakup. Here’s what it can feel like:

• You start questioning everything: When your partner pulls away without telling you why, you end up second-guessing yourself. You worry that something is wrong with you or you’re doing something that is pushing your partner away, says Dr. Romanoff. 
• You feel lonely—even when they’re right there: Even though you’re technically in a relationship, you feel completely alone. Their presence feels hollow, and deep down, you know something’s off, even if they won’t admit it.
• Your confidence takes a hit: When someone stops prioritizing you, it’s hard not to take it personally. You start to question your own worth and wonder, “Why don’t they care anymore? Am I not good enough?”
• You’re tired of being the only one making any effort: It’s exhausting to be the only one constantly initiating plans, conversations, or affection. Love shouldn’t feel like a full-time job where only one person is putting in the effort.
• You start to feel angry and resentful: At first, you might give them the benefit of the doubt, but over time, their behavior can cause frustration. You get angry and resentful that they won’t meet you halfway.
• You end up in a toxic pattern: When your partner quietly quits the relationship, you end up in a vicious cycle where you keep criticizing their lack of effort, which causes them to withdraw even further, says Dr. Romanoff. “Or worse, you try to silence those complaints in the hope your partner becomes closer and more committed.”
• You’re stuck in limbo: Unlike a clean breakup, quiet quitting leaves you in limbo. You’re stuck in a relationship that doesn’t look or feel like a relationship, without any closure.

“When we feel shut out by a partner, it can affect our sense of identity and self-esteem, leaving us feeling confused, isolated, gaslighted, frustrated, and angry. The ripple effect of these feelings can lead to anxiety, and even depression,” says de Llano.

What to Do If You Think Your Partner Is Quiet Quitting

If you suspect your partner is quiet quitting your relationship, it’s important to address the situation so you have clarity one way or another. The relationship experts suggest some strategies that may be helpful:

• Pay attention to patterns: Before confronting your partner, take the time to pay attention to their behavior and note any recurring patterns. It may be helpful to keep a journal where you can document their behavior and your feelings, so you can look back on it later, says Dr. Romanoff.
• Check in with yourself: Take a step back and check in with yourself. Are you feeling neglected, unappreciated, or disconnected? It’s important to gain clarity about your emotions, even if they feel mixed or confusing, says de Llano.
• Consult people you trust: You might find it helpful to confide in a trusted friend who can give you feedback, or speak with a therapist who can provide unbiased support and guidance, says Dr. Romanoff.
• Choose the right time for the discussion: Once you have a better understanding of your feelings, de Llano recommends choosing a calm moment to communicate with your partner. Avoid bringing up the subject when either of you are busy, upset, or angry.
• Have an honest conversation: Talk to your partner. Tell them what you’ve noticed and how it’s making you feel. Approach the conversation with honesty, but without blame or accusations, says de Llano. “Focus on sharing your personal experience rather than pointing fingers.”
• Ask if something else is going on: Sometimes, emotional withdrawal isn’t about the relationship at all. Stress, anxiety, mental health struggles, or personal issues could be affecting their behavior. Give them space to open up.
• Hear them out: Give your partner the chance to express their feelings and perspective without interruption. People who quiet quit tend to be avoidant around difficult topics, so make sure to make them feel as safe as you can by being receptive of their feelings and supportive of what they share, says Dr. Romanoff.
• Pay attention to their response: Do they acknowledge the issue and want to work on it? Or do they dismiss your concerns and shut down the conversation? Their response will tell you a lot about whether or not they’re willing to fix things.
• Set boundaries and expectations: Tell your partner what you miss, want, and need in a relationship, says de Llano. Let them know where your boundaries are and what you’re unwilling to tolerate.
• Stop overcompensating: If you’re the only one making an effort, take a step back. A relationship should go two ways—it can’t be one-sided with one partner putting in all the effort to keep it alive.
• Decide if it’s worth fighting for: If your partner is open to working things out, great! But if they continue to withdraw, it may be time to ask yourself: Do I want to be with someone who’s only half in?
• Be prepared to walk away: If they’ve checked out emotionally, you don’t have to wait around forever. Letting go is hard, but staying in a relationship where you’re not valued is even harder in the long run.

Keep in Mind

At the end of the day, you deserve a relationship where you feel valued, heard, and loved—not one where you’re constantly second guessing yourself. Remember, you deserve someone who chooses you fully—not someone who’s slipping away while you’re still holding on.

If they’re slowly checking out of your relationship, you don’t have to stick around waiting for them to make up their mind. If you’ve tried to work things out but things aren’t changing, it’s okay to prioritize your own peace. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is let go and make space for something better.