The Emotional Impact of Being Scammed

Hello! We have been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty. Can you provide your personal information—SSNs, home address, bank statements—to verify your identity, please?

Sound familiar?

Scam calls, emails, and even text messages have become a daily occurrence. It seems every day, a new story breaks about another way scammers have tried to trick us into turning over our personal information or our money. Scams are a lucrative business, and data from the Federal Trade Commission shows that consumers lost more than $8.8 billion to scams in 2022. That year, 2.4 million people lost money to scammers via phone calls, social media, fake investments and products, and other scams.

The emotional recovery after a scam can be difficult. Victims might experience embarrassment, shame, and guilt, not to mention financial stress. If you have been the victim of a scam (or know someone who is), read on to learn how to recover emotionally in the aftermath.

Understanding the Emotional Impact of Being Scammed

Realizing you have been scammed often comes as a shock. There’s the moment when the light bulb goes off and you *finally* get that things are not as they initially seemed, and you were tricked. The initial realization can be jarring. You might experience denial: This couldn’t possibly have happened to me! But when reality sets in, you are left to deal with the emotional aftermath and harm caused by the scammer.

“I was sitting in Washington Square Park [and] it was one of those days where you felt like everyone was in a good mood and could be a friend—aka my guard was down,” says Kate N., a victim of a financial scam who agreed to share her story with us. “A group of young adults asked if I’d be willing to donate some money to their summer sports league. I was happy to donate $10 to their cause.”

“I didn’t want to hand them my phone but they very tactfully created a story of needing someone else to tell them the email address, and I merely held my phone out to them for all of 30 seconds, while one of them distracted me,” she continues. “Well, when I got the phone back, there was a number on it so I sent the $10 I had intended to. Then, when I closed it there was a notification saying $3,300 had been withdrawn.”

Dr. Katelyn Campbell, clinical psychologist, says that scam victims can experience a deep sense of betrayal: “People feel ashamed after being scammed because their trust was violated. They can blame themselves for ‘not knowing better.'”

Common Emotional Responses to Being Scammed

There is no “right” or “wrong” way to feel after you have been scammed. Your feelings are a reflection of your experience, and they are valid. With that said, some emotional responses are common among scam victims.

After being scammed, some people experience denial. They might think they are too smart to fall for a scam, and as a result, might have trouble accepting what has happened. However, Dr. Campbell says that anyone can fall victim to a scam: “Smart people get scammed all the time because scams are designed to override logic and reasoning. A lot of scams involve complex emotional manipulation.”

For similar reasons, many people feel ashamed or embarrassed when they realize they have been scammed. If you believe that a smart person cannot fall for a scam, the experience can hurt your self-esteem and confidence.

According to Kate: “After it happened, my immediate feelings were shame and embarrassment. How could I have been so stupid? I’ve lived in NYC for years, I’ve read about all the cons and I just handed my phone to these strangers. I’m a gullible and over-trusting idiot. That really got to my head. I was basically blaming myself for letting it happen to me. It was also so violating, getting robbed, especially when I was trying to do something altruistic.”

Anger is another common emotion scam victims experience. Ashley Cairns, counselor, was scammed when she attempted to purchase web development services from what she thought was a reputable company. After months with no delivery, she realized the company had scammed her: “I never felt shame. Only anger and frustration through the process of getting my money back. It was all-consuming. They had $13K of my money and I had no website. I wanted vindication and my money back.”

The Psychological Effects of Being Scammed

Regardless of the scammer’s tactics, a scam is a violation of your sense of safety. Realizing that you are not immune from scams can shake your confidence and make you second-guess your judgment in future interactions. If the scammer built a relationship with you and gained your trust, you might question whether you can trust others in your life as well.

For Ashley, she still struggles with trust even though she was able to recoup her money by filing fraud charges with her credit card company. Even though she won her complaint, it took more than four months and immeasurable amounts of stress.

Kate struggled significantly after her experience, too. “My usual trusting nature turned to paranoia,” she admits. “Anyone who talked to me on the street or cold-called me on the phone, I was positive they were trying to scam me. I broke down crying on the phone after telling a dental whitening business my insurance number because I was suddenly convinced they were a fake company trying to steal my identity. Thankfully after a couple of months and therapy and reassurance from all my friends and family, I started to feel better, but it was definitely traumatizing.”

Emotional Recovery and Restoring Confidence

So, how can you cope with the emotional impact of being scammed? It is not easy. Like any stressful event, recovering emotionally and regaining your confidence after a scam takes time.

Dr. Campbell recommends prioritizing your emotional well-being: “Recovering from a scam should prioritize emotional healing. Connecting with others who have experienced similar situations can quickly alleviate feelings of isolation and shame. If that’s not an option, confiding in someone you trust can provide valuable support.”

“Choose people who can help you process the experience and rebuild your ability to trust others, Campbell continues. “While it may feel tempting to become overly vigilant or guarded, this approach rarely brings the protection or sense of safety you seek. True safety comes from cultivating trusted connections with those close to you.”

First, challenge your perception about what kind of person falls victim to a scam. Research has shown that scam victims vary in most demographic variables, so anyone is a potential victim. Even if you have vulnerabilities that the scammer preyed on, it does not make the scam your fault. As Ashley said, “Don’t feel ashamed – it’s the scammers who should feel ashamed.” Letting go of self-blame and shame can help you move past what happened.

You can rebuild your confidence by empowering yourself. After her experience, that is what Ashley did: “By taking my power and my story back. I could’ve just let them have that $13K, but I wasn’t about to let that happen if there might be something I could do about it. I didn’t give up. I got mad a lot but I never gave up. And then eventually, you move on, and the good that could come tomorrow outweighs the pain of today.”

Ashley also taught herself web development after her experience, as she did not trust another company to take on the job. She ended up using this skill to create a whole new side business helping others build websites.

Moving Forward

Of course, it may not be possible to get justice after a scam. Many scammers are essentially shadows who disappear after getting what they want. In that case, accepting the outcome can help you move on. You might not be able to change what happened, but you can learn from the experience and protect yourself in the future. If you feel comfortable, you can share your story and help others protect themselves.

Remember, scams are easy to spot in hindsight. It is simple to say, “Of course that was a scam!” when you know how the story ends, but at the moment, things are not so simple.

If you are struggling emotionally after a scam, talking to a therapist can help. They can help you process what happened, build coping skills, and learn to trust again.

Avoiding Future Scams and Reclaiming Your Life

Falling victim to a scam is not your fault, and at the same time, you can take steps to notice potential scams in the future and protect yourself. Pay attention to news about new tactics scammers are using, and be on guard. Never give personal information via telephone even if the caller claims to be from an institution you are affiliated with, and do not be afraid to take time to fact-check. If your gut warns you against something, listen to it.

Ashley also recommends using your credit card: “Stress less with their fraud protection.” She also used the experience to inspire her to learn how to build her website independently, building a whole new professional skill set.

Kate shared that it was the support of her loved ones that helped her get through: “Make sure you have friends and family who reassure you that you didn’t do anything wrong, and don’t be afraid to tell people what happened to you. Everyone has a story to share about themself or someone else who got scammed; it’s just so, so common these days, and the more I talked about it the more I felt like I was helping other people get educated and aware of the security risks inherent in online banking and what to look out for regarding suspect behavior.”

Bottom Line

Scams are becoming disturbingly common, and more and more people have a story of how they were scammed. The violation and loss of control that occurs during a scam can feel impossible to cope with but know that you can recover with support. And do not forget, it is not your fault.