Dear Beloved Reader,
February is often called the month of love. It’s a time when the world paints pictures of romance, devotion, and happily-ever-afters. But for many Christian women, this month carries a different weight. It is a time of wrestling with loneliness within marriage, unmet emotional needs, and the ache of feeling unseen by the very person who was meant to be your closest companion.
Love, as God designed it, is meant to reflect His character; selfless, patient, and kind (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). But what happens when love feels one-sided? When you reach for connection, only to be met with criticism, withdrawal, or silence? When you try to express your heart and find that, no matter how carefully you speak, you just aren’t heard?
This month, while the world focuses on grand gestures and romantic ideals, I want to hold space for you. For the woman who feels emotionally alone in her marriage, for the one questioning how to navigate conversations that seem to go nowhere, and for the one wondering if there is a way to protect her heart without closing it off completely.
If that is you, I invite you to take a deep breath. You are not alone, and your feelings matter. Let’s explore together what to do when the love you long for feels just out of reach.
When Your Husband Dismisses Your Feelings: Why It Hurts
There is a particular kind of ache that comes when you reach for connection, only to find silence, dismissal, or blame instead. You gather your courage, choose your words carefully, and speak from your heart only to be met with criticism or distance.
One of our readers recently shared:
“I have asked my husband for empathy about a difficult situation, and instead of offering care or concern, he tells me everything he thinks is wrong with me or walks away. I’m at a loss on how to respond, or if there is a boundary to protect myself that I can use.”
And another followed up with an even deeper question:
“When you are in a relationship where being heard just never occurs, no matter how ‘perfectly’ you try to communicate, then what?”
Friends, if you’ve ever found yourself asking these same questions, you are not alone. Feeling unheard in marriage is painful, and it can leave you questioning your worth, your expectations, and even your faith. But before we dive into how to respond, let’s take a moment to acknowledge this truth:
- Your emotions are valid. Wanting empathy is not selfish or unreasonable. It is a fundamental human need.
- Healthy relationships involve mutual care. Marriage is designed to reflect God’s love, where both partners seek to honor and understand one another (Ephesians 5:25, 1 Peter 3:7).
- You are not responsible for making someone listen. Healthy communication is a shared responsibility, and you cannot carry the full weight of that alone.
If someone refuses to hear you, that is not a reflection of your worth—it is a reflection of their choice.
Why Is My Husband Emotionally Unavailable?
I want to be clear: understanding his reaction does not mean excusing it. But sometimes, having insight can help untangle the confusion.
Here are a few reasons why he may shut down, criticize, or walk away when you express your feelings:
- Emotional Avoidance – He may struggle with emotional intimacy and shut down rather than engage.
- Defensiveness – If he feels inadequate or uncomfortable, he may deflect by focusing on your “flaws” instead of your feelings.
- Unhealed Trauma – If he has never experienced safe emotional connection, he may not know how to offer it to you.
- Control or Power Struggles – In some cases, ignoring or belittling your feelings may be a way to maintain control in the relationship.
While these factors may explain his response, they do not justify it. Everyone is responsible for their own behavior, no matter their past.
So, what can you do?
How to Respond When Your Husband Won’t Listen to You
When you repeatedly try to be heard, and it just doesn’t happen, it’s time to shift the focus from getting him to listen to protecting your own emotional and spiritual well-being.
1. Shift How You Ask for Empathy
If you feel like your husband isn’t listening, it’s tempting to keep explaining, hoping he’ll finally hear you. But sometimes, changing the way you ask for empathy can create more space for connection.
Instead of saying:
“You never listen to me!”
Try:
- “I don’t need solutions right now. I just need to know that you care.”
- “I feel really alone in this, and I need to know I’m not in this by myself.”
This clarifies that you are seeking connection, not conflict.
But what if he still refuses to engage?
2. Setting Boundaries for Emotional Safety in Marriage
If your emotional needs are repeatedly dismissed, this is no longer about communication, it is about self-protection. The boundaries you establish here, are for YOU to be LIVED out and not spoken aloud. These boundaries are to steward your core well-being.
Consider establishing clear, biblical boundaries: Commit yourself to these three foundational pillars of strength.
- “When I share my heart, I need to feel safe. If I am met with criticism, I will step away from the conversation.”
- “If you are not willing to engage in this conversation with respect, I will not continue it.”
- “I will no longer allow my feelings to be dismissed or minimized.” I will seek the Lord, and take responsibility for my emotions.
Boundaries are not walls. They are gates that allow healthy love in while keeping harmful behavior out.
3. Stop Trying to “Say It Perfectly”
“What if being heard never happens, no matter how perfectly I try to communicate?”
Friend, I need you to hear this:
It is not your job to say things “perfectly” to get someone to listen.
Healthy communication is not just about how well you speak—it is also about whether the other person is willing to hear you.
If someone repeatedly refuses to listen, dismisses your pain, or criticizes you no matter how carefully you speak, then the issue is not your words—it is their unwillingness.
At that point, your energy is better spent on protecting your heart, seeking support, and discerning how to move forward. Please consider joining us in our Spring Coaching Groups! Registration opens tomorrow.
God Sees You When You Feel Emotionally Unseen in Marriage
If your voice has been ignored for so long that you are beginning to feel invisible, let me remind you of a deeper truth.
God hears you.
- “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle.” (Psalm 56:8)
- “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)
- “You are seen by the One who loves you.” (Genesis 16:13)
You are worthy of love that listens, respects, and cherishes you.
A Question for You:
What is one step you can take this week to honor your heart and invite God’s wisdom into your relationships?
I am with you on this journey. You are not alone. You are loved and supported.
