10 Bad Dating App Behaviors to Spot and Avoid

Let’s be real, dating apps can be a wild (and exhausting) ride. Sometimes they can be fun and exciting, leading to genuine connections and lasting love. But, other times, they can bring out some seriously sketchy behavior. And we’re not talking about cheesy pickup lines, cringe-worthy bios, or shirtless gym selfies. Beyond these harmless quirks are some toxic behaviors that can leave us feeling hurt, confused, or frustrated.

“The anonymity of dating apps allows people to hide, pretend, string us along, never get back to us, tell us they’re looking for something different than what they really want, and just create plain overwhelm and confusion,” says Claudia de Llano, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of “The Seven Destinies of Love.”

These behaviors can traumatize us and have us questioning our worth, especially if we experience them repeatedly, says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist.

Whether you’re swiping for a soulmate or just dipping your toes into the dating pool, these are some of the red flags to look out for.

Dating App Behaviors to Watch Out For

As you spend time interacting with people on the apps and setting up dates, keep an eye out for these potentially harmful behaviors—they don’t bode well for the potential for lasting love.

Ghosting

Ghosting is essentially when someone suddenly cuts off all communication without any explanation.

For example, you’ve been chatting with someone for weeks, or even dating them, and then—poof—the person disappears, ignoring your calls and texts. They’ve suddenly vanished, like a ghost.

Ghosting can be incredibly hurtful. It leaves you feeling rejected, confused, and wondering what you did wrong. If you’ve been ghosted, you may be tempted to believe the other person doesn’t value you enough to provide closure or an ending, says Dr. Romanoff.

Breadcrumbing

Breadcrumbing is when someone gives you just enough attention to keep you hooked but never actually commits to anything.

They might send flirty texts or like your pictures occasionally, but every time you try to make plans, chances are they conveniently “forget” or bail on you at the last minute.

Breadcrumbing can be incredibly frustrating because you’re unsure of where you stand with the person. It often feels like a rollercoaster of suspense—the highs when the person makes contact feel euphoric, keeping you pecking along the trail for the crumbs of affection the person gives you, says Dr. Romanoff. Ultimately, you waste a lot of emotional energy waiting for something that’s never going to happen.

Love Bombing

Love bombing is when someone overwhelms you with excessive affection, compliments, and promises early on to gain your trust quickly.

For example, someone you’ve just started talking to online is constantly showering you with compliments, bombarding you with gifts, telling you they love you, and planning their future with you. 

While it might seem flattering at first, love bombing is a manipulative tactic used to gain control. It often leads to emotional manipulation or disappointment when the person pulls away just as suddenly.

Benchwarming

Benchwarming is when someone keeps you as a backup option while pursuing other people more seriously.

For example, the person may only text you sporadically, either when they’re bored or when their primary interest is unavailable.

This behavior can make you feel undervalued, like you’re not a priority but just a placeholder in their dating life.

Ghost-Lighting

Ghost-lighting is a mix of ghosting and gaslighting, where someone ghosts you and then pretends it never happened if they resurface later.

The person may disappear for weeks, then suddenly pop back in like nothing happened, acting confused if you bring it up.

This can leave you feeling manipulated and questioning your own perception of the situation.

Cheating

Unfortunately, some people use dating apps despite being in committed relationships, which can be a form of cheating. 

The person may tell you they’re single, but they may actually be using the app behind their partner’s back.

This behavior is dishonest and disrespectful to both the person they’re dating and to you.

Negging

Negging involves giving backhanded compliments or subtle insults.

For example, someone tells you they like your dress, but then adds, “It’s a little last season, but you pull it off.” 

Negging is a form of emotional abuse that can chip away at your self-worth and make you feel insecure.

Catfishing

Catfishing occurs when someone creates a fake profile or pretends to be someone else to deceive you.

For instance, someone uses heavily edited pictures that don’t look like them at all, claims they’re a doctor when they’re not, or even pretends to be a completely different person.

Catfishing makes you question your judgment, doubt your ability to pick a partner, lose faith in others, and avoid emotional vulnerability in the future, Dr. Romanoff explains.

Trolling

Trolling is when someone intentionally provokes, insults, or upsets you, just to get a reaction out of you.

On dating apps, this could involve sending rude or offensive messages, making derogatory comments about your profile, cracking inappropriate jokes, or even sharing suggestive images. 

Trolling can be deeply upsetting, making you feel humiliated, attacked, and even unsafe.

Bullying

Cyberbullying can occur on any digital platform, including dating apps. Bullying on dating apps is very common unfortunately and tends to happen early on, says Dr. Romanoff.

It could involve harassment, insults, or comments that are designed to make you feel bad about yourself.

Bullying can cause people to experience immense shame, says Dr. Romanoff. “In these situations, they tend to not share what they’ve experienced with loved ones, which only entrenches them further with their bully, making it harder to leave.” 

If you’re experiencing bullying or abuse, it’s important to talk to someone trusted, get support, and seek safety, says de Llano.

Psychological Impact of Bad Dating App Behaviors

Many of these harmful behaviors aren’t just frustrating, they can also have real psychological consequences, which might include:

• Self-doubt: Being repeatedly rejected, ghosted, or treated as a backup can make us question our worth. We tend to personalize the harm and believe we are deserving of it, which affects our self-esteem, says Dr. Romanoff.
• Trust issues: Experiences like catfishing, trolling, or discovering a partner using dating apps in secret can lead to deep trust issues, making future relationships difficult. “These behaviors can impact our sense of self and our sense of trust in general,” de Llano explains.
• Confusion: Inconsistent behavior, like hot-and-cold messaging or ghosting after a strong connection, can create emotional instability and self-doubt.
• Emotional exhaustion: Behaviors like breadcrumbing, ghost-lighting, and mixed signals can leave us drained, frustrated, and emotionally exhausted.
• Anxiety: Inconsistent communication and being strung along can create uncertainty, leading to stress, overanalysis, and anxiety. 
• Depression: When we expose ourselves to repeated rejection in the face of unkind behavior, it can lead to depression and despondency, says de Llano.

How to Protect Yourself from Bad Dating App Behaviors

These are some strategies that can help you protect yourself from bad dating app behaviors:

• Limit personal information: Be cautious about sharing too much personal information on your profile. Avoid revealing your address, workplace, or other sensitive details with anyone until you feel comfortable.
• Set clear boundaries: Decide what behaviors you will and won’t tolerate. If someone crosses your boundaries, don’t hesitate to block them, unmatch, or stop engaging with them.
• Trust your gut: Trust your gut, says de Llano. If something feels off—like someone’s profile seems fake, their behavior is inconsistent, or they’re pushing you too fast—listen to your instincts. Don’t ignore red flags just because you’re excited about a match.
• Don’t be afraid to unmatch/block: If someone’s behavior is throwing up red flags, don’t hesitate to unmatch or block them. You’re in control of your experience.
• Don’t take things offline in a hurry: Avoid moving to texting, calls, or social media too quickly—this can help you weed out scammers and people with bad intentions. Don’t let anyone pressure you to meet them before you’re ready..
• Watch out for fake profiles: If a profile looks too good to be true, do a reverse image search on it to verify it. Video call the person before meeting them, to confirm they are who they say they are.
• Avoid engaging with trolls: If someone is rude, offensive, or just trying to get a reaction out of you, don’t give them the attention they’re seeking. Block them, report their account, and move on without letting them ruin your experience.
• Report abusive behavior: Most dating apps have reporting mechanisms for inappropriate behavior. Use them to report trolls, harassers, or anyone who makes you feel unsafe.
• Remember, it’s a dating app: Don’t put all your hopes on finding “the one” immediately. Dating apps are just one way to meet people, and it’s important to have realistic expectations.
• Take a break if needed: If dating apps start feeling exhausting or discouraging, it may be best to take a step back. “Invest your time and energy into doing activities you enjoy, that also have the possibility of meeting new potential romantic partners,” says Dr. Romanoff.
• Find support: Find yourself a solid group of other single friends who you can share your experiences with, says Dr. Romanoff. She explains that laughing and crying about these situations together can help you feel validated and normalize your experiences, so you can know it’s not you, and these behaviors are unfortunately a common part of dating.
• Consider professional help: If you’ve experienced significant emotional distress due to online dating behavior, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor. They can offer support and coping mechanisms that help you heal.

Keep in Mind

At the end of the day, dating apps are a mixed bag—you never know what you’ll get. While you can’t control how others behave, you can control how you respond. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect. Set boundaries, swipe smart, stay safe, and protect your peace at all costs. Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve.