The turn of a new year is always brimming with promise. A new year represents an opportunity for changed behavior. For decades, many have attributed New Year’s goals as a symbol of momentum and optimistically set out to reinvent their lives with a laundry list of hopes and dreams.
Yet, mere weeks into the calendar, it is all-too-common to hear about resolutions falling flat. A Dry January dashed by a cocktail in the third week of the month. Gym memberships lapsing after little use. Vows towards financial health dashed just as quickly as they were uttered. So, I’m a therapist and I’m here to declare a different approach to the new year: I’m not setting any goals.
Accomplishments Don’t Always Require Goal-Setting
At first read, you may assume I am rebuking the idea of setting goals this new year because I have failed to see past year’s goals come to fruition. Under some circumstances, this is true. My gym membership has gone unused and I’ve failed at veganism within the first week of trying.
But, this past year I proudly accomplished everything I set out to. I finished a draft of my book, built a business, and began the journey of starting a family. When I look back on the year, I am impressed with what I pulled off. However, I realized a key component of my success: I didn’t frame these endeavors as goals.
Where Did The Idea of New Year’s Resolutions Come From?
Of all the times to hone in on resolutions, you may wonder why there is a fixation on the new year. Turns out, the new year can feel reminiscent of a major milestone. This can inspire people to embrace the idea of a fresh start because they’re heartened by the symbolism of a new year.
Do New Year’s Goals Actually Work?
Don’t be fooled—just because I am a therapist who is interested in taking a different approach to goal-setting doesn’t mean New Year’s goals don’t or can’t work. A study that looked at 200 people who vowed to make New Year’s resolutions found that 19% of folks kept up with their resolutions even two years after the fact. Another study suggested that those who make resolutions are more successful in achieving change than those who don’t make resolutions.
If there’s evidence supporting the efficacy of New Year’s goals, why am I choosing differently? Because things aren’t that simple. Goal-setting can become cumbersome. According to a paper focused on the nuances of goal-setting, the act of simply identifying goals can become troublesome.
Finding something you want to change that you feel is in your power can leave many stumped. Plus, focusing solely on achieving goals can be detrimental to one’s sense of self should the goal not be achieved or end up looking differently than expected. However, this may be an issue of semantics and how we think about goals.
Rethinking the Idea of New Year’s Goals
Rather than holding tight to the idea of a goal, I set intentions:
- I knew I wanted to center my creativity throughout the year, so I focused on all the steps necessary to help me write a book, including applying for residencies, building a creative community, and participating in writing workshops.
- When starting a business, I sought mentorship and studied effective small business strategies.
- Starting a family is something we can plan for but can’t guarantee, leading me to quietly hold hope that a new family member would find their way to us.
None of these approaches employed a sense of rigidity. Instead of setting goals outlined with perfectly crafted steps, I allowed myself freedom to see what felt right and course correct along the way. This meant that I didn’t give up when my first writing workshop didn’t go according to plan or when it took longer than I expected to get pregnant. Instead, it encouraged me to enjoy the ride and see what I can learn along the way.
Plus, when things didn’t work out, I didn’t suffer from feeling poorly about myself. Instead, I embraced what others may perceive as a “failure.” When thinking of my goals as intentions, I wasn’t sensitive to the idea of things not working out. Sure, even if there was disappointment, I didn’t find myself internalizing it as something I did wrong.
Besides, perceived failure isn’t a bad thing to begin with. Research indicates failure can serve as fuel on the road to success.
How to Get Things Done With a Sense of Ease
Eager to take a new approach to goal setting this year? Be my guest. Here’s what worked best for me and might be perfect for you:
- Consider goals as loose intentions. Instead of saying you want to lose a certain amount of weight, consider reframing this as a desire to understand your health better.
- Make it a habit. Rather than a time-limited chore with an outcome of achieving a goal, consider creating habits that you feel propel you towards the things you want. For example, if you’d like to improve your health, make it a habit to cook three meals a week at home.
- Refrain from planning every detail. We can’t control everything. Leave some details up to fate—it could turn out even better than you could have ever planned.
- Be realistic. This is the same advice I’d dole out to someone setting iron-clad goals. Be real with what you can actually accomplish. Tripling your salary with your next request for a raise may not be possible. But, landing a gig that increases your compensation exponentially could be.
- Be gentle with yourself. You may get halfway through the year and realize your desires have changed. That’s okay – it is all part of the experience. Change your goals, then. You might realize something you thought was realistic just isn’t in the cards this year. Release it for now and come back to it later. Allow yourself to be redirected.
- Have fun. Accomplishing things takes work but it doesn’t have to be only work. Have some fun. Team up with a mentor you like hanging out with or daydream about what you want your life to look like with a friend. You’ll be all the better for it.
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