So much of our contact with other people is completely virtual. Text messaging, instant messaging, social media, e-mail, and the list goes on. There are an infinite number of ways to communicate in the virtual world, and most of us are good at it.
However, face-to-face, eye-catching with a little grin flirting is getting to be a lost art. I recently had a client tell me she’d forgotten how to flirt, and I believe it. I think most people feel awkward flirting. We have gotten out of practice, but it takes practice to make perfect.
Here are five skills psychology says will make you a world-class flirt:
1. Give good eye contact
You have made eye contact with them, and they are looking right at you. Smile. Hold the eye contact just a little longer than you normally would. I’m not suggesting a full-on stare. Just maintain eye contact a few seconds longer than is normally comfortable, as suggested by a study in the America Psychological Assocation Handbook Of Personality And Social Psychology.
2. Perfect the art of the honest compliment
Almost everyone likes to hear they have beautiful eyes, a captivating smile, or a fun personality. Sometimes, giving compliments takes a lot. of guts, but it pays dividends big time when you see the other person’s face light up with a genuine smile. Compliments let someone know you noticed a uniqueness about them and uplift their emotion, which in turn lifts yours.
3. Talk less about yourself
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For example, “What’s your favorite restaurant in this neighborhood?” Don’t press too hard for conversation. It’s easy enough to open the door, especially if you’ve given them the appropriate amount of eye contact.
4. Apply the power of touch
If you manage to get into a conversation, touch them on the arm or hand in a warm way and smile again. Touch is another way to demonstrate an interest in getting to know them better, as shown by research from the American Psychological Association.
5. Leave them wanting more
Leave them wanting just a little bit more time with you. Let them feel noticed and appreciated and that you are interested, but leave some things unknown. Research from The Journal of Personality supports how a little mystery inspires their curiosity.
The whole exchange takes less than two minutes if you work through all five steps. The most important step, eye contact, takes less than 10 seconds.
Like I said, practice makes perfect, so get out there and unleash your inner flirt on everyone. It’s easier to practice when the pressure is off, like with the old man walking his dog in the park, the person on the corner looking a bit, or the new barista at the cafe who seems to be having a rough start to their day.
You can spread the love with friendly flirts throughout your day while getting practice to hone your skills. Then, you’ll be an expert flirt in no time.
Lisa Hayes C.Ht. is a law of attraction relationship coach and author. She specializes in helping people get the love they want, no matter where they are in their lives.
