Mom Says Those Who Choose Not To Have Kids Are Emotionally Mature

Becoming a parent, especially a mother, is often baked into our society’s expectations. 

Women are expected to want to become mothers and caretakers, and when a woman chooses not to embark on that path, she’s often judged and viewed differently than women who strive to become mothers.

Whichever end of the spectrum you fall, whether it’s being a woman who has always wanted to become a mother or a woman who chooses to be child-free, there should never be any shame around such a personal decision. 

In a TikTok video, a mom and content creator named Allison pushed this point even more, sharing that as someone who always wanted a family, she’s beginning to look at child-free women a lot differently now.

A woman who always wanted to have kids called those who are child-free by choice ’emotionally mature.’

In Allison’s video, she expressed her respect for women who continue to push against the narrative and societal pressure of becoming mothers. However, she also acknowledged that as she has gotten older, she has discovered a new appreciation for child-free women compared to when she was younger.

“I’m not kidding when I say this, but one of the biggest things I took away when I had children was… I understand why people are child-free by choice,” Allison said. “I’m gonna out myself and say that I genuinely didn’t understand that.”

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Becoming a mother made her appreciate the choice not to have children in a way she didn’t before.

She explained that as a woman, and not to say that she ascribes to societal norms and expectations, but just as someone who grew up with a stay-at-home mom who dedicated her life to having and taking care of children, Allison just assumed that was meant to be her role as well. 

For her, becoming a mother was meant to be a fulfilling role based on how she looked at her own mom, and while that can be the case for some women, it isn’t a universal belief either.

There was a point when Allison admitted that she didn’t “vibe” with women who weren’t on the same page about becoming mothers, but as she’s gotten older, Allison noticed that her tune began to change. 

“I’m in my mid-thirties now, and I had kids, and those women just really knew themselves, and they are extremely emotionally mature.”

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A staggering number of women still feel pressured to have families.

While this can apply to both men and women, Allison was speaking directly about women, considering that they often feel the pressures of becoming mothers in the first place. This is still the case to this day despite how knowledgeable more women are about confronting these expectations.

Ground Picture | Shutterstock

According to a YouGov poll, 37% of Americans believe women in the United States face pressure from society to have children, which is more than double the percentage of Americans who believe men face pressure to have children (17%). 

Similarly, a Pew Research Center survey found that 42% of women in the United States felt pressure from society to have children when they were younger. 

Dealing with these expectations, Allison commended women who choose to stay child-free for knowing their limits and boundaries, but also prioritizing their own happiness and lives over what other people deem fulfilling. 

Not only that, but they’re pushing back against what society dictates as the pinnacle of womanhood. But there is definitely a life worth living outside of having children.

“I’ve got so much respect for women that are able to go against everything that society tells them they should do and just say no,” Allison remarked. “I think if you’re not 110% committed to being a mom, don’t do it.”

It should be encouraged for women to choose to be child-free just as it’s encouraged for women to become mothers.

It’s definitely a decision that should be made with careful thought and consideration, especially for women, because becoming a mother does change major areas of their lives. But, more and more people are simply choosing not to have children as it is. 

Of those under 50 who say they’re unlikely to ever have children, 57% say they just don’t want to, the Pew Research Center found in a 2024 survey. Other major reasons for being unlikely to have kids include wanting to focus on other things (44%) and having concerns about the state of the world (38%).

“It is completely normal and valid to not want to have children,” a licensed psychologist named Dr. Linda Baggett told CNN. “I think current generations are feeling more empowered to be open about and act on this preference. Whereas in past generations, people may have been more likely to have children anyway due to societal expectations, economic/labor factors, and religious beliefs. It is a myth that everyone, especially women, wants to have children.”

At the end of the day, women are feeling more and more empowered to simply choose themselves instead of conforming to what they believe is expected of them. However, the decision to have or not have a baby should be respected without judgment.

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Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.