I honestly believe that “the one” is largely determined by chemistry, some undefinable quality that you can’t ignore. As Einstein put it, “Gravity is not responsible for people falling in love.”
I’m pretty sure what he meant, was you just can’t make sense of it. In the last week, I’ve probably been asked 20 times, “How do I know if he’s the one?” I can’t answer that mystery of Divine intervention or the X factor of chemistry, but I will say there are a few seemingly odd behaviors that signal that the man you’re with is a quality guy.
Here are ten behaviors that are the sign of a really good dude:
1. You never have to make excuses for him
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This man shows up Mr. Wonderful all the time. You don’t ever find yourself saying, “He’s stressed right now” or, “You just don’t know him the way I do. He is a great guy.”
He behaves like a civilized gentleman, and everyone else sees him as just as remarkable as you do. Mr. Right has one personality – the one you see and the one everyone else sees, too.
A study published in Personality and Social Psychology Review indicates that not having to make excuses for someone in a relationship is crucial for building trust, fostering healthy communication, and maintaining a positive dynamic. Consistently making excuses can be seen as a sign of a lack of accountability, undermining the relationship’s foundation and potentially damaging the partner’s perception of your reliability and respect for them. Essentially, it reflects a need to protect one’s self-image at the expense of the relationship’s integrity.
2. He inspires you not just to be your best, but better than you thought you could be
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This guy stretches you to learn more, think more, love more, and grow more. You never find yourself behaving in ways you don’t like or find yourself embarrassed by your own behavior as a result of your relationship.
A 2022 study by Frontiers in Psychology indicates that feeling inspired by your partner is essential for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Inspiration fosters positive emotions, encourages personal growth, and strengthens the bond between partners by creating a sense of shared goals and admiration. Essentially, when a partner inspires you, it motivates you to be a better version of yourself and contributes to higher relationship satisfaction.
3. You find yourself doing things for him because you really love doing things for him
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Everything you do is inspired by a desire to see him surprised, happy, or make his day better. It’s never out of obligation, or duty, or keeping up.
4. He appreciates the important people in your life the way you do
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He sees them as a compliment to his life. They are never trouble, or a bother, or beneath him. He treats your loved ones with care and respect.
A study published in The Journal of Personality and Individual Differences indicates that actively appreciating important people in your life, often called practicing gratitude, is significantly linked to increased happiness, improved well-being, stronger relationships, and coping mechanisms with stress. Expressing appreciation is key to fostering positive mental health and personal fulfillment.
5. You trust him
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He is where he says he is doing what he says he’s going to do. Mr. Right doesn’t keep secrets. You never feel like you might need to check his cell phone or email. In your gut, you have a very peaceful sense that this guy is honest, all the time, even when it’s inconvenient.
6. He owns up to your relationship
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He claims it in public, shouts it from the mountaintop, and is thrilled to change his Facebook status. Mr. Right is both emotionally and physically available in your relationship.
An early 2011 study indicates that owning up to your part in a relationship, meaning taking responsibility for your actions and their impact on your partner, is crucial for building trust, fostering healthy communication, and promoting overall relationship satisfaction. It signifies a willingness to be accountable and vulnerable, which is key to a strong and lasting bond.
7. He’s a man, not a boy
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Mr. Right can be playful when he wants to be, but he’s a grown-up through and through.
8. Your family instinctively likes him
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She’s not just saying she likes him, or biting or tongue not to say something else. She genuinely approves, and it feels good to you.
A mother’s positive opinion of a romantic partner can be highly significant. It often reflects early attachment patterns and can influence how someone perceives and interacts with potential partners in adulthood, potentially impacting relationship satisfaction and stability. According to a 2004 study, a mother’s approval can act as a form of validation and contribute to a sense of security in a relationship.
9. You like the way he thinks
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You are interested in his opinions. You might even secretly wonder if he’s smarter than you, at least about some things. Mr. Right knows who he is and is quietly confident.
10. You honestly love him
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It’s not that you think you might love him or think you should love him. You honestly know you do because he’s Mr. Right.
Knowing you genuinely love someone involves prioritizing their needs, feeling a deep connection, wanting to support them, experiencing positive emotions when with them, being comfortable with vulnerability, and including them in your plans. According to a 2021 study, all this is done while maintaining respect, trust, and open communication.
Lisa Hayes C.Ht. is a law of attraction relationship coach and author. She specializes in helping people get the love they want, no matter where they are in their lives.
