Do you look forward to the holidays with a mixture of joy and dread? Does your “ho-ho-ho” quickly turn into an “oh no!“? Â The holidays always stir up memories and, with them, feelings of guilt and expectations, especially when it comes to gift-giving.Â
Here are 3 ways to have a drama-free holiday season, no matter your religion or marital status
1. Make a list of smiles
Make a list of the things that put a smile on your face, and make sure you do them, as suggested by an article in the Health Education Research Journal. Listen to the music you love, indulge in the foods you enjoy making and eating (even the spiked eggnog!), or decorate a small, delicious-smelling tree.Â
Try to be with people with whom you connect, not people who don’t share your connection, they will make you feel even more alone. The season is too short to waste time on people who bring out insecurity and frustration in you.
2. Have a clear plan
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Don’t drink too much in order to keep a clear head if you are going to a family party where, historically, there is a lot of tension, as suggested by a study in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the USA. You and your partner need to have a pre-party discussion about how to stay connected if the tension starts.Â
Agree to set spending limits so the bills that arrive in January don’t fill you with regret. Be clever with coupon books, and get creative with DIY gifts if money is tight.
3. Lead by example
The Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization helps show how the holidays can be a teaching opportunity for your children through demonstrating generosity by donating to small local shelters and transitional homes where other children live will shift the focus from “me-me-me” to making a total stranger very happy.
 Instill that sense of gratitude and service in your children, and their enjoyment of the holiday will increase. Have your children prioritize their wish lists, too, and put a spending cap on what you can afford. Be realistic.Â
Somewhere along the line, how much we give or receive has become the measurement of love and appreciation: “The more expensive the gift, the more you love me.” At least that’s what I came to believe as a child — maybe you did, too.
Many of my relationships were flawed, however. I was in denial about how things turned out, and I did not want to take responsibility for my choices, so my husbands got the blame. Happy holidays, indeed.
For those who are single, the holidays trigger feelings of loneliness, loss, and disappointment; “Another year has passed, and I’m still single.” It’s the trifectas of holidays, and for many, it’s a speed bump they would rather sleep through.
Placing unfair expectations on someone else can certainly get us into a whole kettle of fish. This comes from a heightened sense of want — wanting to feel special, wanting that “thing” we believe will give us so much pleasure. How different would our experiences be if we did not have expectations beyond that which we control?
What if we just focused on making foods we enjoy eating, decorating with things that have meaning to us, and making sure that part of our celebration includes gratitude and being thoughtful for those who have nothing?
No matter what stage of relationship you’re in, you can get back to a place of gratitude and bliss this holiday season. It just takes a little practice.
And last but not least, if you’re stuck on gifting your resident Scrooges, give up. No matter what you get them, they will never be happy anyway; you cannot solve their perpetual choice to be grumpy. That’s no reason to be cranky, yourself. Embrace the season and enjoy all of the joys it has to offer.
Pegi Burdick is a certified financial coach specializing in helping people turn around their stress and shame to get back control of their lives. Her articles have appeared in The Huffington Post, Forbes, The Daily Worth, MSN, and many others.
