Discussions of morality are typically characterized by ideas about justice, fairness, and the standards we craft for ourselves to navigate the world with those principles in mind. However, according to studies from Frontiers for Young Minds, part of our morality is crafted by evolution and inherent brain processes, in addition to general social and cultural factors.
This morality and our moral compasses generally define our lives, from our workplace success to our own personal development, and the boundaries we protect in our relationships. Similarly to how they can profoundly empower us in our daily lives, an inconsistent prioritization of them can sabotage our relationships and self-worth. In fact, there are even certain things a man with good morals simply won’t do that can assuredly protect their inner circles and partners from getting involved with toxic people.
Here are 11 things a man with good morals simply won’t do, according to psychology
1. Victimize themselves during arguments
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Someone with good morals is willing to take accountability for their mistakes and hear out other people’s emotional responses to being hurt by their behavior. Men without good morals rely on a false sense of victimhood, even in the face of their own hurtful behavior, to make other people feel guilty.
A 2018 study on narcissism argues that there’s also subtle nonverbal cues and that narcissists and other immoral people can rely on to victimize themselves in the face of perceived conflict that can be less recognizable by the people in their lives. While narcissists aren’t inherently immoral, many people who have a passive commitment to their own morals tend to have narcissistic tendencies, as they sacrifice their own judgment and standards to support their ego, impress people, and assert their superiority.
2. Disrespect others
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Many people have strict morals that help to protect the sanctity and health of their conversations and relationships, starting with respect. A man with good morals will invest time and energy into respecting others, whether that means taking the time to converse with someone and help them to feel heard or expressing their uncomfortable emotions to a partner during a conflict.
While conveying respect to others can take a variety of forms in various settings, like a 2021 study on respect in healthcare and amongst clinicians demonstrates, men with good morals remain committed to learning and practicing respect in whatever form it might take in their daily lives and relationships.
3. Change their beliefs or personality around different people
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Many people will actively shift their personality or change their beliefs to impress and assert superiority over different groups of people; it’s both a narcissistic tendency and a behavior of people with generally lacking morals. While researchers from Stanford’s School of Humanities and Science do suggest that where we are can influence our personalities — like feeling more creative in a shared space or more extroverted around certain friends — the intentionality behind this shift is key.
Men with good morals aren’t intentionally sacrificing their morality and inherent beliefs to appease other people or to impress a new partner. Instead, they openly communicate and discuss their beliefs, sometimes changing them or reconstructing them depending on the direction of the conversation.
4. Shift blame to others
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Most moral people are characterized by their moral compass, meaning they try to do what they believe is right most of the time, and make amends for their mistakes if they need to. Failing to take this kind of responsibility for their actions or even shifting blame to others is one of the things a man with good morals simply won’t do, according to psychology experts like Kendra Kubala that associate the behavior with narcissism.
Everyone makes mistakes, it’s only human nature, but people that fail to take responsibility for these mistakes, especially when they hurt others, only sabotage their ability to make healthy and fulfilling connections.
5. Gaslight others
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Women empowerment coach Cindy Watson argues that men who are uncomfortable expressing emotions or empathizing with others will often resort to gaslighting their partners to avoid vulnerable conversations. They work to convince the people in their lives of their victimhood, not just to frame other people as perpetrators, but to shift accountability away from themselves and create a false narrative that empowers them to divert unwanted conflicts.
Men with good morals and a confidence to prioritize them hold themselves to the same standards as their partners. If they want to feel heard, understood, and valued in their relationships, they make space for conversations and interactions that do the same for their friends and partners.
6. Take advantage of other people’s material things
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Similar to emotional health and loyalty in their relationships, men with good morals also respect other people’s material things — from their money, to prized possessions, and shared housing spaces. When they’re upset, they communicate it in open and honest conversations, in contrast to manipulative or narcissistic people that might try to leverage another person’s material things by taking advantage of their trust.
Like experts from Princeton University argue, disrespect is often a precursor to violence or abuse. When you allow someone to disrespect your emotions, personal belongings, or grace, you open the door to more manipulative behaviors and abuse.
7. Cheat on a partner
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Infidelity is a clear sign of an immoral person, as they blatantly choose to disregard the trust, commitment, and loyalty that a healthy relationship is founded upon to satisfy some other selfish desire. It’s one of the things that a man with good morals simply won’t do, no matter the circumstances, as they respect other people’s commitments and their own relationships above all else.
Like a study from the journal Family Process argues, infidelity is almost always damaging, as it blatantly sabotages the psychological and emotional well-being of both partners, sparking disconnect in relationships. For moral men that celebrate and support their partner’s emotional well-being in conjunction with their own, infidelity is not only a betrayal, but a means to convey disrespect and dishonesty.
8. Talk poorly or gossip about their friends
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Men with good morals will often remove themselves from toxic or unproductive conversations centered around gossip — not just for their own emotional health and well-being, but to set clear boundaries with others about the kind of disrespect they allow in their relationships.
A study from The Academy of Management Review argues that gossip can erode trust, spark anxiety in relationships, cause disconnection, and even negatively affect people’s long-term emotional well-being. People with poor morals are often more focused on protecting their own image than safeguarding their relationships, which makes them more likely to engage in toxic conversations centered around gossip and rumors.
9. Talk too much about themselves
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Even in passive interactions and conversations with strangers, making space for other people to express their emotions and talk about themselves is incredibly important, according to a study conducted by the International Journal of Listening. Men with good morals are often committed to that practice with active listening tactics and open body language, cognizant of any tendencies they might have to control the narrative of a conversation.
It’s a basic tenet of respect, to give people space to speak and feel heard, so it’s often a basic principle of highly moral-driven people who have integrity. Whether it’s a conflict with their long-term partner or a catch-up with an old friend, these men prioritize practicing and learning open communication, even if it means speaking less and listening more.
10. Hold people to unrealistic standards, but not themselves
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Many narcissistic and immoral people hold other people to much higher unrealistic standards than they do themselves, prompting an imbalance in relationships and unproductive conversations and conflicts.
By expecting other people to show up, do better, and sacrifice more in their relationships, simply because they feel entitled to it, they actively prioritize their selfish interests over connection. This deliberate choice, coupled with the lack of healthy connection that follows, only feeds into a cycle of isolation that relies on the comfort of their toxic behaviors to cope with.
11. Justify their bad behaviors
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Sometimes, immoral men will go out of their way to invalidate and dismiss other people’s emotions to make it easier to justify their bad behavior. From hurtful language, to disrespect, and even infidelity, they’ll find a way to flip the narrative to victimize themselves and shift blame to others.
Secure men with good morals take accountability for their actions, especially if they were pointedly hurtful to other people in their lives, and openly communicate to resolve conflict.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
