Complaining is a common reaction to have when something doesn’t go the way you planned or expected it to go. Venting in small doses serves a valuable purpose. It allows you to release negativity and can even strengthen the social bonds between people. Consider how close you feel to your coworkers after complaining about your boss’s habit of scheduling early morning meetings. But complaining too much can negatively affect your relationships and your overall mood.
Being a chronic complainer can push people away from you. After all, listening to a long list of all the ways the world is terrible isn’t particularly fun. The phrases whiny people say often imply that nothing is ever good enough for them. Those negative vibes can be contagious, which is a good reason to work on redirecting whininess into a more positive outlook.
Here are 12 phrases whiny people say often, according to psychology
1. ‘Why is this happening to me?’
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Whiny people often ask the existential question, “Why is this happening to me?” They use this phrase because they feel like the world is against them. Instead of being self-reflective and wondering how their patterns of behavior got them to a certain point in life, they place blame outward so they don’t have to hold themselves responsible for their attitude or actions.
Using the phrase “Why is this happening to me” is an indication that someone has a victim mentality and believes nothing is ever their fault.
As trauma therapist Nancy Carbone explains, a victim mentality refers to “a specific type of negative thought pattern that can prevent people from achieving their goals and finding lasting happiness.”
When someone is stuck in a victim complex, they can’t see that the circumstances and people around them are usually good. When good things happen, they tend to ignore or downplay them and instead focus on the negative aspects of the experience,” she shares, noting that “people who possess a victim mentality often self-sabotage their most important relationships.”
“If you want to stop feeling like a victim, you have to take responsibility for your life,” Carbone reveals. “If you blame life, others, or situations for things that go wrong, rather than looking at how you run away to escape the feeling of not being good enough, you’ll stay stuck in this cycle.”
Instead of asking the universe why bad things happen to you, aim to reframe your mindset. Of course, life is an imperfect journey, full of bumps and dead ends. Yet we’re all responsible for managing our own emotions, which means how we see the world is our decision, and ours alone.
2. ‘It’s not fair’
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Whiny people often say the phrase, “It’s not fair” when they don’t get whatever it is they want. The belief that life operates as a fair system just isn’t realistic. It’s a fact of our world that some people have access, privilege, and wealth, and others don’t. Life isn’t fair, which is why having a grateful outlook is the best path to feeling fulfilled.
When whiny people declare something isn’t fair, they’re essentially framing themselves as more deserving than other people, who have something they want. Using the phrase “It’s not fair” indicates that a person has a rigid, self-centered mindset, which can be draining for other people to be around.
3. ‘I have the worst luck’
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Another phrase whiny people say often is, “I have the worst luck.” This phrase captures the way whiny people view the world and their place within it. They see themselves at the mercy of the universe, which leaves them feeling like they have no agency or control over their own lives. Whiny people can change their outlook, and their luck, through positive affirmations.
As life coach Kelly Rudolph explains, “positive affirmations address something in our lives we want to adjust or replace with something better.”
“You cannot have lasting change if you’re focused on what you don’t want to have — those don’t wants will multiply: more negatives, more stress issues and more sickness,” she reveals.
Rudolph shares how positive affirmations shift your focus from negative to positive, noting, “You feel better when verbalizing positive thoughts is because the positivity of good thoughts, memories, and ideas in your mind enhances your psychological well-being and causes chemical changes in our body that tell us we’re happy.”
You can send the message that you have bad luck, or you can change your mind, declare yourself lucky, and see how your life changes.
4. ‘Why can’t things go my way for once?’
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The phrase “Why can’t things go my way for once” is something whiny people say often. It’s another example of something people say when they have a victim mentality. The phrase signals that the person saying it has high expectations of how life should be, and very little gratitude for what they do have.
As clinical psychologist Dr. Cortney Warren explains, “Bad things happen to good people daily. Painful experiences that we have very little control over sometimes smack us in the face. Choosing to live a conscious, honest life requires us to take an unedited look at ourselves and make choices with the information that we learn.”
“One of the best ways to cope with the struggles we are bound to grapple with is to develop a spirit of gratitude and recognize that there is a gift in every experience,” she continues. “There can be learning in the struggle. There can be growth through pain.”
“And sometimes, we even come out of an objectively challenging reality with tremendous appreciation because the experience made us a better version of ourselves,” Dr. Warren concludes.
She recommends practicing small, accessible acts of gratitude, like journaling, telling other people what they mean to you, and writing out a list of three things you’re grateful for. Once we recognize how full our lives actually are, we’ll focus less on what we think we should have, and be more present with the way things are now.
5. ‘No one appreciates me’
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Another phrase whiny people say often is “No one appreciates me.” This phrase can indicate that someone puts other people’s needs before their own, then complains about it. It’s a common phrase for people-pleasers to use, as they struggle with feelings of resentment, even though they don’t take care of their own needs.
As leadership coach Patricia Bonnard points out, “it’s important to realize the detrimental impacts associated with unconditionally agreeing. It’s damaging to both the pleaser and those around them.”
“Despite a people pleaser’s generally persistent good-natured manner, inconsistencies between their intent and delivery can ultimately wear down your trust and spoil your relationship,” she continues.
She speaks to the negative impact of people-pleasing behavior, noting that “they refuse to acknowledge their own needs or difficulties.”
“As a consequence, they may ultimately surprise you with accusations of not caring about or appreciating them,” she concludes.
Feeling appreciated is an essential part of a healthy relationship, yet when whiny people declare that no one appreciates them, it’s often rooted in their warped perception and not in reality.
6. ‘Everyone is against me’
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“Everyone is against me” is a phrase whiny people say often. It captures the “me versus them” mentality that shapes their life and their interactions with others. This mentality is taxing to listen to, and it isn’t healthy for the person who believes it, either.
Complaining every once and a while can take the edge off of a bad experience, but when that bad experience is your entire life, complaining can become a person’s entire personality. Being whiny keeps you in a constant state of stress, which negatively impacts your health and mental well-being.
As research from Stanford University established, having a negative attitude and the stress that accompanies it can shrink the hippocampus, which is the section of the brain responsible for learning, memory, and emotions.
Believing that everyone is against you is a distinctly negative way to go through life, yet it’s something whiny people say often.
7. ‘I never get what I want’
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The phrase “I never get what I want” is one that whiny people say often. It’s the adult version of a toddler’s tantrum, but instead of stomping their feet and screaming, they declare that they never get what they want. Using this phrase makes them sound self-absorbed, like they only care about themselves. It highlights how much they focus on external validation, rather than internal validation, to feel good about themselves.
Self-validation is the process of accepting your own feelings and thoughts. It means acknowledging that your internal experience holds value, whether it’s positive, negative, or somewhere in between. Validating yourself builds up your self-efficacy and self-worth. It allows you to believe in yourself, which can help with emotional regulation when things don’t go your way.
Being mindful and self-reflective are crucial parts of validating yourself. You can say, “I didn’t get what I wanted,” and sit with that statement, letting all your feelings flow through you, without casting any judgment. You won’t always get exactly what you want, but you can learn to manage your emotions, which can help you stabilize when you’re faced with disappointment.
8. ‘I shouldn’t have to deal with this’
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A phrase whiny people say often is “I shouldn’t have to deal with this.” They say this phrase whenever they’re in an uncomfortable situation or forced to handle a boring, bureaucratic task. Whiny people will stand in line at the DMV and declare, “I shouldn’t have to deal with this.” They’ll get put on hold by the doctor’s office and loudly exclaim, “I shouldn’t have to deal with this.”
When a whiny person is faced with a minor inconvenience like sitting in traffic, they say “I shouldn’t have to deal with this.” Using this phrase is a sign that their superiority complex is rearing its demanding, self-centered head. When whiny people say this phrase, the underlying message is that they think they deserve special treatment, because their time and energy is more important than anyone else’s.
9. ‘Everyone else’s life is much easier’
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“Everyone else’s life is much easier” is a phrase whiny people say often. It reinforces their victim perspective, maintaining that they continuously suffer while everyone else succeeds. While it might seem counterintuitive, people who say phrases like this one often have narcissistic tendencies, as clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasala explains.
Dr. Ramani outlines the traits of vulnerable narcissism, noting, “These are people who are not actually always socially successful, but they think they deserve to be, they think they deserve more success, and they don’t understand why somebody else had it so easy.”
She shares the various signs that someone is a vulnerable narcissistic, including “Victimhood or victim mentality that begs for sympathy, passive aggression used to manipulate emotions, and failure to launch or an inability to accept self-determination.”
Saying the phrase “Everyone’s life is so much easier” doesn’t automatically make someone a vulnerable narcissist, but it does make them a whiny person, which can also be challenging to deal with in social situations.
10. ‘This is taking forever’
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Whiny people often say the phrase “This is taking forever” whenever they feel like their time is being wasted. They might say this phrase while they’re sitting in a restaurant, waiting for their food to arrive, without acknowledging that they arrived at peak business hours. They might say this phrase when they’re waiting for an appointment to start, waiting for a pot of water to boil, or waiting for anything at all.
Psychologist Dr. Guy Winch defines impatience as “the feeling of being annoyed because you have to wait, or feeling restless because you want something to happen as soon as possible.”
He notes that there’s a difference between feeling impatient and acting on that impatience, which would be impulsivity, which Winch describes as “a predisposition toward acting in a rapid and unplanned way without considering the consequences.”
Winch shares that acting on your impulses can be dangerous and put you and other people in harm’s way. He explains that practicing mindfulness and meditation can slow down emotional reactivity and curb people from being too impulsive.
Whiny people who complain that something is taking forever can also benefit from being mindful, since complaining doesn’t make the world move any faster.
11. ‘I do everything around here’
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Another phrase whiny people use often is “I do everything around here.” This phrase is a close cousin to other phrases that express a general sense of discontent, along with someone positioning themselves as— You guessed it— the victim.
Whiny people will say that they do everything, but they won’t outright ask for help or delegate tasks. They would rather feel put upon, which gives them free reign to whine as much as their grumpy hearts desire. If you’re faced with a whiny person who says this phrase, you can counter by responding with a phrase designed to gently call out their perceived victimhood. You can also cut to the chase and say, “How can I support you?” or “Do you need help?”
Yet chances are, a whiny person will say they don’t need any help, because they can handle everything all on their own.
12. ‘I’m so over this’
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“I’m so over this” is a phrase whiny people say often. It’s their way of saying they’ve had enough, which is a totally valid thing to say and feel. Yet whiny people are “so over it” all the time, and they say this phrase a lot.
Whiny people tend to have low frustration tolerance, which means they struggle to self-soothe during difficult situations. They get fed up easily, which is why they say phrases like “I’m so over this” so often. Instead of declaring how over it they are, whiny people would be better served by turning inward and trying to calm themselves down, because protecting their inner peace is an important skill to learn.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
