Spending a large portion of my life in my head and nervous around people, it’s taken me a long time to understand others. The more I learned about human nature, and the more interest I took in others, the less self-conscious I became. Now I’m far more attuned, and this has helped my social life considerably.
Mitch Prinstein, PhD, explains that “likability is the kind of popularity that we have when we’re really young and it used to be the kind of popularity that was important as you were an adult. It’s based on how much you make other people feel happy, valued and included.”
Here are 11 subtle traits of a popular person, according to psychology
1. They ask lots of questions about you
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If someone appears to have a near-incessant fascination with you and asks lots of questions that aren’t merely superficial, they are likely attracted to you. And a study out of Harvard University confirmed that asking questions increases your likability.
2. They laugh quickly
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Laughter is the best medicine, and people are more likely to gravitate to you if you can make them smile. Researchers from Arizona State University even found that people are attracted to other people who can make them laugh.
3. They don’t pull away when touched
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I’m not about to encourage you to touch others without awareness. Some boundaries require nuance in understanding. But in the right moments, should you touch someone casually and no effort is made to recoil, this is a good sign of a popular person.
4. They hold eye contact with you
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Particularly in this ‘eyes on screen’ world, holding eye contact is entering into fairly intimate territory. Holding someone’s eyes is like charging another with a kind of human electricity. If someone isn’t looking away after a couple of seconds, it’s often a sign they are receptive to your energy, and could mean they’re attracted to you, one study from 2024 states.
5. They make efforts or hints about meeting again
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You know someone likes you when you’re with them and they’re already talking about the next time you’ll see each other again. People who do this frequently tend to be popular.
6. They reciprocate much of what you do
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So, for example, if you text them teasingly, they will text you back a similar response. Reciprocation often communicates, “I like what you do and want to show you that I like it.” Research from 2018 indicates that teasing plays an important role in fostering healthy relationships, and popular people know how to do it right.
7. They offer to give you stuff
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A great indication of interest is when someone gives you gifts or offers to pay for things (beyond the expected etiquette of paying for things like drinks on a date). Someone who offers to invest money or more time with you, is likely to be popular.
8. They share their flaws
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People willing to transgress typical conversational superficialities into sharing things that reveal a darker, less socially acceptable, or less pristine image demonstrate something interesting. They like and trust you to the degree they are comfortable doing this, which should not be treated lightly. Trust is an essential foundation for any relationship, so people who know how to earn it tend to be popular.
9. They mirror you physically
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You lean in, and so do they. You touch your ear, and so do they. You tilt your head, as do they. Mirroring reflects an innate, and often unconscious, desire to connect with someone. It’s no wonder people who do this naturally are often popular.
10. They fidget
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This isn’t always the case, but often, when people are shifty around you, it shows they value doing well in their interaction with you. Such nervousness reflects their need to perform for you, indicating interest. People also fidget to release tension in their bodies, one 2023 study found. And the more relaxed you are, the more likable you’ll be.
11. They talk a lot
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When others talk a lot with you, it could simply be that they are big talkers. Many are. But if they are talking more than they are known to, or there is an apparent looseness in their speaking, this may be a sign they are comfortable with you. This makes them popular, because they feel comfortable to be around in return.
Alex Mathers is a coach, writer, and illustrator currently based in Krakow, Poland.
