Crushing on a guy who has friend-zoned you can waste a lot of your time. You’ll be waiting in limbo and miss out on some great opportunities for love.
People can stumble into a situationship, but then they end up dissatisfied with the lower commitment levels than in romantic relationships. So, it makes sense if you’re frustrated with the lack of development of your romantic interest into a genuine, lasting partnership.
Here are 7 skills you can master to always be the woman he chooses, says psychology:
1. Stop trying to force a relationship.
If you’re looking for clues to figure out how you can get a guy to reciprocate your feelings of desire, you’re essentially trying to earn someone’s love. This lousy strategy doesn’t serve your goal of lasting love with an ideal partner.
Instead, show up authentically and let the chips fall where they may. It is better to find out at the start that the two of you are not a long-term match.
2. Keep your heart guarded.
Don’t give the benefit of the doubt to a stranger. A guy must earn your love and trust, so don’t commit your heart until you know his intentions. Studies in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggest that once he’s proven himself with his actions, you can evaluate if the two of you are an excellent long-term match.
3. Stop looking for signs that aren’t there.
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Relationship-minded men are not subtle. If he’s serious about you, he’ll move the relationship forward and ask you to go exclusive. You assign meaning without facts if you’re constantly trying to figure out his words or actions without anything to back them up.
Stop being an interpreter and let his actions speak for his intentions. If he’s keeping things in the gray and not sharing his plans with you, he won’t see you in the future.
4. Don’t expect him to reciprocate.
If you’re doing things expecting to win him over, you have an unspoken expectation that he will do the same for you. This strategy will lead you to disappointment and heartache. Your attempts to win him over are not typically the way to a man’s heart, as suggested by a study in Psychology of Women Quarterly.
5. Date other people and stop waiting around for him.
Keep your options open, and pay attention to who steps up to pursue you. Don’t turn off your dating profile when you start crushing on some guy. Instead, commit to slow love. Just like soup or stew, you can’t rush it. Put off exclusivity until he proves worthy of your heart.
6. Be honest with him about what you want.
Most men tend to communicate directly; they don’t usually catch on nicely to the hints women throw their way, which often leads to miscommunication and frustration, as supported by a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. One surefire way to never be friend-zoned again is to avoid going along to get along. Speak up and make requests. If he’s only asking you out last minute to tag along, let him know you prefer to be asked out in advance. Don’t be so accommodating, and don’t avoid speaking your mind to be agreeable.
Sharing your life with someone will require that you know how to navigate through your differences. Find out if you two can return to the same page soon.
7. Don’t settle for less than you deserve.
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You deserve to be with someone as crazy about you as you are about him. Don’t invest your heart in a man who hasn’t made his intentions known.
Never make someone a priority who treats you as an option. You deserve more than the crumbs, so don’t settle for anything less than your heart’s desire.
Your friendship is not a consolation prize.
If staying friends or maintaining a friends-with-benefits type of situation with a guy brings more positive than negative into your life, that’s OK — and expected! A study from the American Psychological Association shows a wide diversity of friends-with-benefits style relationships. So, if you’re having fun, maybe keeping things as-is works, at least for now.
If you’re tired of risking your heart at the start, take things slowly so you can find out how he treats you over time. What happens when there’s a miscommunication, when you request, redirect, or ask him to take things slow? Sharing your life with someone is your most significant decision, so don’t treat it like buying a lottery ticket.
Orna and Matthew Walters are dating coaches, the founders of Creating Love On Purpose, which takes a holistic approach to transforming hidden blocks into love, and the authors of Getting It Right This Time.
