As society has progressed, rules have changed, but some people yearn for the past, wishing to bring back old-fashioned etiquette rules we shouldn’t have abandoned. Due to those old-fashioned rules becoming outdated, we’ve slowly started to see the impact of not being raised with basic manners.
From embarrassing screaming matches to cutting lines to spending all their parent’s money, many people have lost hope that those good manners are gone for good. Fortunately, these are rules we can slowly begin bringing back into our daily lives.
Here are 10 old-fashioned etiquette rules we shouldn’t have abandoned
1. Addressing people by their titles
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Back in the day, it was normal to call someone miss, mister, or missus, and it usually depended on your marital status. Unfortunately, the long-held habit of referring to someone as “ma’am” or “sir” has become a bit outdated, with people, especially younger generations, simply striking up a conversation without addressing a person with their title.
People may say hello in a casual way, without affording just a little bit of respect. But the first impression you make has a bigger impact than you may realize. According to a study published in Social Cognition, it’s much harder to shake off a bad first impression than it is to lead with a good first impression.
That said, it isn’t impossible to reverse a bad first impression. Being consistent and respectful is the difference between being well-liked and being seen as rude.
2. Asking permission first
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Whether it was hand-holding, kissing, or asking to “go steady,” society followed the old-fashioned etiquette rule of asking permission before moving forward in a romantic relationship. This was considerate and meant all the difference between being well-mannered or not.
Times have certainly changed since then, with a modernized version of “asking permission” becoming a much more casual “what are we” conversation. Some may see it as disrespectful, and it can have a huge impact on a relationship before it even begins. According to the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, being disrespectful through a rejection experience leads to greater aggression in people.
So, asking permission before moving ahead in a romantic partnership ensures everyone feels safe and comfortable, and that both parties feel respected. It’s something extremely important for the longevity of any relationship.
3. Offering a seat to those around you
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In countries like Japan, it’s not uncommon to see a special seat reserved for those who are pregnant or elderly. Unlike most of modern-day society, many foreign countries understand that certain people should be given priority with seating. However, this sentiment was normal many decades ago.
For young men especially, people never blinked an eye when they rushed to get up and escorted an elderly woman to their seat on the bus. In fact, it was considered proper and the men were expected to stand, as women, children, or the elderly sat comfortably.
While people who ride the subway may see genuine acts of kindness like this, it’s also considered an old-fashioned rule we shouldn’t have abandoned.
4. Sending thank you notes
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People weren’t as materialistic or superficial decades ago, but thanks to capitalism, it seems like we just can’t get enough of material items. In old-fashioned times, people didn’t care about receiving money; rather, they cared more about the thought behind the action.
As a result, they were better able to acknowledge the effort put in and send a sincere thank you card for their gratitude. This was a common gesture to thank someone for their generosity and to show appreciation. And according to research published in Psychiatry, expressing gratitude has been shown to boost our overall well-being.
Knowing this, we should bring back this habit, as it has tons of benefits aside from just being seen as the kind thing to do.
5. Offering help without being told to
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Whether an older person was crossing the road or someone needed help carrying groceries, people had good enough manners to extend a hand without being asked. Back then, it was considered normal to help someone without even thinking twice.
Unfortunately, this etiquette rule has subsided, as many people today are often too scared or paranoid to offer a stranger help. But considering how dangerous the modern world is, it’s not too surprising. It might seem impossible to go out of your way for a stranger, but there’s no denying the immense benefits of being kind.
According to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, being kind increases a person’s overall well-being. Being kind is also associated with a decrease in depression and an increase in physical activity, according to research from the Gerontologist.
6. Making proper introductions
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Though it might seem obvious, many people forget to introduce themselves or others when meeting someone new. They may begin speaking before a proper introduction, and though this is an unfortunate error, it makes sense when considering how busy we get in our everyday lives.
However, it’s important to find ways to ground yourself before meeting others, as refusing to do so might put your partner or friends in an awkward predicament. To do so, try using visualization. According to psychologist Tamar Chansky Ph.D., imagine yourself walking through a peaceful environment to be grounded in reality. Not only will it prevent these mishaps, but it will boost your confidence.
7. Not talking about money in public
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It seems like all people talk about nowadays is money, but it shouldn’t be too shocking considering how many households are struggling to stay above water financially. According to the U.S. Department of Treasury, since the early 2000s, housing prices have risen faster than median household income. Many couples and families frequently discuss money, as it’s a common stressor, especially in relationships.
While discussing finances is crucial, remember that there’s a time and place to discuss it. In the privacy of your own home is the perfect place to sit down and talk about the bills or spending. But out in public where everyone can hear you, is not. Not only is it awkward and embarrassing for those around you, but it’s also seen as ill-mannered and rude.
Nobody wants to be reminded about the mountain of bills piling up at the end of the month. This is why we likely shouldn’t have abandoned this important etiquette rule.
8. Apologizing in person
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It’s only human to slip up and make mistakes from time to time. Everyone, at one point or another, has said or done something that they regret. Unfortunately, apologizing sincerely in person is an old-fashioned habit that seems to have gone out of style, but is something we should have never abandoned.
Saying “I’m sorry” has a huge impact on a person’s friendship or relationship. Not only does it allow the other person to move on, but it reveals a sincere regret and acknowledgement of wrongdoing. But in today’s world, an in-person apology simply doesn’t exist. Many people use social media or text messaging to express how they truly feel.
Apologizing through a text message can make the person receiving the so-called apology feel unappreciated, and it makes the person apologizing appear uncaring.
9. Not taking off your shoes in public
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When people get tired of the shoes they’re wearing, whether it’s due to sweat or the material rubbing their skin, they don’t always “suffer” through the pain. Instead, when people feel uncomfortable with the shoes they wear, they resort to walking around barefoot. While this is acceptable in a private setting, doing so in public is not only rude, but incredibly gross.
If you’ve ever ridden the subway or been on public transportation, you’ve likely encountered at least one person who has done this. It’s best to keep your shoes on at all times, add padding to your shoes, or just bring an extra pair to save trouble.
10. Respecting the elderly
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In many cultures, respect for the elderly is a part of life. For example, in India, elders are a source of wisdom and tradition; in Korea, people follow one of the Confucian values of filial piety, where younger individuals show respect for elders.
Though it may be an old-fashioned etiquette rule we shouldn’t have abandoned, we can make an active effort to ditch ageism and respect people older than us. Elders are there to guide us through life, and can provide plenty of opportunities to grow as people. Not only that, but elders have been there to take care of and provide for their family. It’s time to repay the favor.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
