Despite the popularity among younger generations to forego the traditional route of marriage and starting a family, many still desire to walk down the aisle to start that new chapter of their lives. And, of course, if they do, it’s important to know what they are getting into. Marriage takes a lot of hard work, communication, and knowing how to handle conflict that arises.
Like most things, as kids, our parents are often the mold for our adult selves. They pass on knowledge and lessons that we use as we get older, but somehow, learning how to be good spouses isn’t included in those life lessons. It might seem like such a long way away, but it’s definitely imperative to know how to be a good partner to someone, even if it’s just in dating.
A man recalled that when he was a kid, his mom gave him a ‘full, multiple-level curriculum on how to be a better husband.’
In a TikTok video, a man named Doug Weaver recalled how grateful he was that his mother actively taught him the value of being a good husband. She prioritized teaching him to respect and understand women. He recalled that his mom would do this for him and his two older brothers, and she called it “husbands in training.”
“It covered everything from eating etiquette to chivalry … just anything you can think of. There was a lot of really good stuff in that curriculum,” Weaver recalled. “There were things like what to do if your spouse says something and in the information and the information they give is wrong. How to handle it if they say something wrong in public versus in private, when it is appropriate to correct them, and when it isn’t.”
Weaver continued, recalling that his mom would often talk to him and his brothers about the importance of consent and how to recognize body language cues. Weaver learned about the basics of respecting, honoring, and listening to women, which were concepts and lessons that would overall make him a better human being.
Parents have a duty to make sure their sons grow up to be respectable men, especially toward women.
The only way men can learn about the importance of being respectful and not succumbing to the frightening statistics of men who commit gendered violence against women is by actively being taught what not to do from a young age.
Just like parents teach their kids manners, parents also have the responsibility of teaching their kids, especially their sons, how vital it is to know empathy and how to build compassionate relationships.
On top of that, young boys should be actively learning about issues outside of themselves, whether that’s addressing their male privilege, learning the gender equality issues and discrimination that women face, as well as learning how to be good allies to all marginalized groups.
Philary | Canva Pro
Frankly, it’s exhausting having to teach young girls the importance of being aware of the dangers that could be surrounding them, while boys often don’t receive the same conversations.
Young boys should be taught about keeping their hands to themselves, respecting boundaries, and understanding that “no means no,” on top of the other nuanced conversations surrounding consent. Young boys should be taught that their actions can have real and lasting consequences.
Weaver recalled his dad even joining them for the ‘husbands in training’ lessons.
“My dad realized a lot of things that we were learning from my mom were things that he was never taught growing up,” Weaver continued. “So he decided he also wanted to take husbands in training.”
At the end of the “program,” Weaver’s mom even made certificates for them that she signed and gifted to them on their wedding days.
Now, as a father himself, Weaver is determined to take those same lessons his mom taught him and pass them on to his son. He explained that one of the lessons he’s teaching his son is about the importance of consent, and that consent doesn’t just end once he gets married.
Weaver wants his son to recognize when women are in distress or in danger because of a man and to intervene appropriately before things escalate. He also wants his son to know how to express his emotions healthily and how to respond when someone is expressing feelings to him.
“My brothers and I, we’re all married and I think all three of our wives really appreciate the hard work that my mom did trying to raise decent men,” Weaver concluded.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
