I Tried Saying “No” to Everything for a Week, By a People Pleaser

If there’s one word that I struggle to say, it’s “no.” I’ve built a life around being accommodating. Need an extra set of hands on a work project? I’m your girl. Can’t find someone to help with last-minute plans? You can count on me.

There’s nothing wrong with helping people, of course. But I’d started to notice that my “yes” reflex was leaving me burnt out and feeling resentful.  

So when my editor popped into my inbox asking if I’d experiment with saying “no” to everything for a week, a lot of feelings cropped up for me. On the one hand, the thought gave me stomach pains. On the other hand, I imagined it’d be a great excuse to prioritize myself for a week (because, yes, I needed an excuse). 

So I said “yes” to the assignment—and said “no” to everything else for that week. (At least, I refused everything that didn’t align with my needs, priorities, or values.) 

Here’s what happened.  

Why Is It So Hard To Say No?

I’m not a textbook people pleaser—I can be grumpy, blunt, and headstrong. But I often agree to do things I don’t want to do because I’m afraid of conflict and rejection. Classic people-pleasing behavior, right?

“Generally speaking, people-pleasing develops from a deep longing for validation and acceptance,” says Jessica Hunt, LCSW. “It’s a coping mechanism from growing up in environments where love or safety felt conditional and acceptance was earned by being agreeable, helpful, or compliant.” 

If that description feels like a personal attack, you’re not alone. Hunt says that many people learn that self-sacrifice is a good thing. “This eventually leads to prioritizing others’ needs over their own out of fear of conflict or rejection,” she says.  

For some people, people-pleasing is a trauma response. Many revert to “fawning” or people-pleasing when they feel unsafe. 

Beyond feeling rejected, one of the reasons why I find it hard to say “no” is because I genuinely can’t tell whether I’m being callous or not. 

So, I asked Maria Ross, an empathy advocate and author, how to tell the difference between being empathetic and people-pleasing. 

She gave me a helpful perspective: that people-pleasing doesn’t typically come from empathy, but from a place of fear. “When you default to people-pleasing, that is not empathy, It’s submission,” Ross says. “It’s about your own needs and desires to feel good.”

“When others make an ask of us, we often react immediately from our own needs, whether we immediately say no because we’re stressed and busy or immediately say yes because we want to make the other person happy,” Ross says. In other words, when we people-please, we’re still acting based on our own desires. 

On the other hand, empathy is about considering another person’s perspective. Ross advises that there is a compassionate, empathetic way to hold boundaries.  

So, with that in mind, I got stuck into my experiment. 

Day 1: The Work Email

The first test of my “no” experiment came before I’d even finished my morning coffee. A client emailed asking if I could help take on an additional copywriting project with a tight deadline. 

Normally, I’d agree immediately and figure out how to deal with the stress later. But today, I hesitated. Did I really want to do it? Or was I saying yes out of habit?

“Use the pause to check in with your physical and emotional reactions,” Hunt says. “Ask yourself, ‘Does this feel genuine and authentic, or does it feel like something I should want?’”

If I felt excited about the assignment, I might’ve squeezed it into my schedule—but after pausing, I realized the subject matter was just not my vibe.

“Thank you for thinking of me,” I replied, “but I don’t have the bandwidth for this project right now.” I hit send before I could overthink it.

The result? The client was completely understanding, and they found another copywriter to help with the project. I felt a jolt of pride—and relief. Maybe saying “no” wouldn’t be so bad after all. 

Day 2: Family Favors

A text from a relative was my next challenge. She was job-hunting and wanted help creating a resumé.

Usually, I wouldn’t mind helping—but I had a bunch of things on my plate. I briefly considered doing it on my lunch break or after work, when I was meant to be studying for a course I was taking. 

I texted her back and explained I wouldn’t get a chance to help with her resume until the following week. I also wished her luck in her job search. She completely understood. Win!

Something I said yes to, though? Grabbing pizza and watching a movie with my partner and friends that evening. I realized that, if I’d said yes to helping my relative, I’d have had to say no to this much-needed quality time.

Day 3: Social Pressures

On Wednesday, a friend asked if I wanted to make plans for the weekend. 

I typically enjoy having social engagements on the weekends. I’m a community-oriented person, and my friendships mean a lot to me. I was also hesitant to say no to them because it’s a relatively new friendship—while I feel more comfortable asserting boundaries with my closest friends, I worry about making new friends feel rejected or unwanted. 

But I had my final yoga teacher training practicals on the weekend, which meant I’d be physically and emotionally tired. I knew that if I agreed to a dinner, I’d either cancel on the day or I’d feel too tired and nervous to fully enjoy it.  

I thanked them for the invite but explained that I wanted to focus all my attention on my yoga course. To my surprise, they weren’t just understanding—they were super excited for me. We both agreed to catch up next month. 

I realized I’d been overthinking people’s reactions to my boundaries. Saying “no” didn’t make me a bad friend; it just made me an honest one. 

Day 4: The Walk

My neighbor and I had plans to do an hour-long walk on Thursday evening. 

I told my neighbor I was considering canceling as I was pretty exhausted. She compassionately encouraged me to reschedule if I needed to. It felt great to get this sort of support from her. 

I reminded myself of my reasons for this experiment: to prioritize myself. I used an AI-powered journaling app called Rosebud to help me make a decision, and it helped me parse out the pros and cons. 

Eventually, I decided to go on the walk. And I’m glad I did—the conversation, exercise, and fresh air did me good.

Day 5: Saying “No” to Myself

On Friday, the challenge turned inward. 

I’d been significantly tired all week—which I interpreted as a symptom of burnout.

For this reason, I decided to take Friday off work. After sleeping in and hitting the sauna, I felt better and immediately considered piling tasks on my plate: housework, personal admin, and work. 

I knew I needed more rest, but I also felt terribly guilty about not working (which is an issue in itself). 

Ross shared some words that I found really helpful for this situation. “When our own house is in disarray, we can’t make space for other people’s perspectives without defensiveness or fear,” she says. “Setting boundaries is an act of self-care because it enables me to operate at full capacity and be present enough to practice empathy when needed.”

I know what I’m like when I’m burned out: it’s a terrible experience for me and those around me. I slack on house chores, I miss deadlines, and I’m way too cranky to be there for my loved ones. 

The solution here is self-care. This can be tricky if you’re not used to taking care of yourself, of course. “I would invite folks to think of true self-care as something that energizes your body, mind, and soul,” Ross advises. “What do you need to recharge, reset, take a break, shift your thinking, use a different part of your brain?”

For me, it was cuddling my dog, doing crafts, and watching Netflix—simple, but soothing. 

Day 6: A Boundary Push

Saturday brought my biggest challenge yet: a friend who wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. They kept pressing me to join a group activity, even after I’d politely declined. I found myself wavering, tempted to give in just to avoid conflict.

But instead, I simply repeated my “no” and changed the subject.

I felt terrible, to be honest, partly because they were clearly upset with me.  

Day 7: Reflection

By Sunday, I felt empowered.

Saying “no” hadn’t turned me into a villain, nor had it alienated my loved ones. I managed to take time off work, focus fully on my yoga teacher training, and feel more in control of my time and energy. And I did that all without harming any of my relationships!

That’s not to say there weren’t challenges. Saying “no” can be uncomfortable, especially if you’re used to over-accommodating. 

But the benefits—reduced stress, increased self-respect, and a clearer sense of priorities—were undeniable. 

Will I Be Saying “No” More Often?

Absolutely. 

But I’m not going to lie: I don’t think saying “no” is a skill I’ve mastered yet. It makes me very uncomfortable, and I still have a sense of guilt about Saturday’s interaction. 

“Guilt is common when trying something new, especially when it challenges deeply held beliefs,” Hunt advised. She advises starting by setting small boundaries to build up your confidence. “With practice, you’ll start to internalize that boundaries are about respecting yourself, not disrespecting others.”

I’ll need more practice before I feel confident. But I think I’ve made some progress. 

That said, I’ve also learned to balance this newfound assertiveness with flexibility. Not every “yes” is a bad thing. Sometimes it’s worth saying “yes” to opportunities that align with your values.

Takeaways

Here’s what I’ve learned from this experiment:

• People-pleasing is not empathy. “Empathy is a way of being that is not about sacrificing your own needs and priorities,” Ross says. “That is not empathy, that is submission and acquiescence.”
• Guilt is normal—but temporary. Learning to set boundaries means challenging old patterns, which can stir up guilt. Be patient with yourself.
• Boundaries are a form of self-care. As Ross explains, saying “no” protects your emotional energy and helps you prioritize what matters most.
• Saying “no” can strengthen relationships. Honesty and authenticity often lead to deeper connections.
• It’s OK to pick your battles. Not every situation requires a “no.” Focus on saying “no” where it matters most.

If people-pleasing is causing you significant stress, it’s a good idea to consider speaking with a therapist, Hunt says. “Therapy can help you explore and identify these patterns, challenge them, and introduce helpful tools like mindfulness exercises, distress tolerance techniques, and self-compassion practices, which can be incredibly helpful for habitual people-pleasers.”

For people pleasers like me, I can’t recommend this experiment enough. Start small—say “no” to one request this week—and see how it feels. You might just discover that protecting your time and energy is the best gift you can give yourself.