One would think that, like money, education, or job status, the more friends you have, the better. But when it comes to marriage or committed relationships, that isn’t necessarily so, especially when it comes to setting friendship boundaries in a marriage.
The moment a couple decides to date exclusively, it begins a process of excluding other people from the relationship. One obvious prohibition is against being intimate with other people. But other “hands-off” rules aren’t so clear.
Here are three types of malignant ‘friends’ that will ruin your marriage:
1. The ‘friend’ who doesn’t acknowledge your significant other
Have you ever tried to mention your spouse to your friend, and whenever you do, your friend changes the subject? Have you noticed that your friend never asks how your life partner is doing?
If you keep referencing your mate, and the other person keeps acting as if he or she doesn’t exist, that tells you this person doesn’t want your partner to exist. Why? Because the dude wants you for him or herself. That’s bad for your relationship.
2. The ‘friend’ who makes inappropriate comments and jokes
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It’s not uncommon for explicit words to be exchanged in conversation, particularly online or in texts. Everyone enjoys a flattering tease or comment about how attractive, or desirable he or she is.
And maybe on a rare occasion, such words from a friend could lift your spirits. But if a friend is continually addressing your appeal, even in subtle ways, then it’s time to question his or her motives and set friendship boundaries in a marriage. According to a 2023 study, people who can set and maintain personal boundaries are less likely to burn out and experience psychological distress.
3. The ‘friend’ who doesn’t respect your boundaries
Some people are just more affectionate than others; they love to hug and kiss, even pat others on the butt now and then. One study even found that showing affection, healthily, can help your stress levels.
That might be fine for them but it isn’t fine for your relationship. The next time your friend grabs at your butt, remind him or her that, while the love for your partner knows no bounds, there are definite boundaries for the love of a friend.
Good friends respect your physical and emotional connection to your significant other. These people foster a positive relationship between you and your partner; they don’t get in the way.
When it comes to individuals who don’t know how to stay within the limits of healthy friendships, the best course of action is to steer clear. Delete them from your lives; only add people to your list of friends if they value your relationship with your mate, rather than seek a quantity of friends seek good quality friends.
Committed relationships require that you not abide by the saying, “You can never have too many friends,” but rather that you live by the wisdom of the ancient Greek philosopher, Euripides: “One can judge a man by the company he keeps.”
Scott Haltzman, M.D., is board-certified in Psychiatry and is a Distinguished Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association. He has appeared on the Today Show, 20/20, Good Morning America, Rachael Ray, and in TIME Magazine, as well as others.
