Thanksgiving is the kickoff to the holiday season, and while many envision a Norman Rockwell picture of family celebrations, that’s not the reality for many.
Just like any holiday where there’s time spent with family, Thanksgiving can lead to plenty of drama. One woman said her sister took this to a new level by insisting that their family follow a “Code of Conduct” she created for the occasion. Her sister’s attempt to control the celebration angered her so much she’s throwing in the towel and refusing to host this year.
A woman ended her five-year tradition of hosting Thanksgiving after her sister created a ‘Family Code of Conduct.’
A woman shared the interesting story of what was going on in her family this holiday season on Reddit.
“For context, I … have hosted Thanksgiving for my family every year since I moved into my house five years ago,” she explained. “It’s always a little messy and chaotic, but that’s part of the charm, right?”
Apparently, her sister didn’t find it quite so charming.
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“This year, my sister … decided she wanted to ‘help bring some order’ to the gathering,” she shared. “At first, I thought she just meant coordinating who would bring what dishes or helping with cleanup.”
“Instead, she showed up at my house last week with printed copies of what she called a ‘Family Code of Conduct,’” she said. “She handed these out and insisted everyone read and sign them before attending Thanksgiving.”
Some of the items included in the code of conduct were “a rule against ‘overlapping conversations’ at the dinner table, with suggestions for taking turns like a ‘respectful debate club.’”
Also included was “a ‘ban on political or controversial topics,’ with her as the final arbiter of what was too heated.”
Rounding out of the code was “a dress code of ‘smart casual’ because ‘holiday photos would reflect well on the family,’” and “assigned seating that she claimed was based on ‘optimal personality compatibility.’”
While this woman thought the ‘Code of Conduct’ was ridiculous, the rest of the family was split in their opinions on it.
“When I laughed and said, ‘You can’t be serious,’ she accused me of ‘not taking her efforts to improve family dynamics seriously,’ the woman said of her own reaction. “I told her I wasn’t going to enforce a code of conduct at my house and that if she wanted to micromanage Thanksgiving, she could host it herself.”
“She doubled down, saying I was being ungrateful and stubborn,” she said. “I canceled hosting, and now the family is mad at me.”
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She shared some of her family members’ reactions to her sister’s initiative.
“My mom thinks I should’ve just humored her for the day, while my brother … is refusing to go anywhere unless ‘no one tries to draft a holiday constitution,’” she stated.
While there may be some wisdom in what this woman’s sister tried to do, she missed the mark in execution.
Dr. Nicole Washington, a therapist, shared some of her tips for dealing with family Thanksgiving drama with Newsweek.
“I really believe that people have to determine for themselves what is most important to them on Thanksgiving day and plan accordingly — is it celebrating together or airing your opinions?” she asked.
Dr. Washington went on to describe how she prepares her clients for the holiday. “I suggest setting boundaries upfront, and if the conversation tries to take a turn, we have role-played things they can say to reinforce those boundaries,” she explained.
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In this way, this sister may have had the right idea. Trying to avoid controversial topics like politics can make everyone feel more comfortable at Thanksgiving. However, the way to make sure this happens isn’t to draft what her brother compared to a “constitution.”
Developing a “Family Code of Conduct” is a step too far.
Suggesting certain forms of behavior, such as avoiding topics that will quickly turn into heated discussions, is one thing. Trying to force everyone to act a certain way, and even dress a certain way, is quite another.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
