Planning a wedding is a huge, laborious job, and most experts say that how you plan your wedding can predict the fate of your marriage. So, it’s clearly in your interest to plan well!
Here are five wedding behaviors that predict a couple will get divorced within a year:
1. You don’t plan your wedding together
This is probably one of the stickiest traps couples fall into when it comes to planning their weddings. For example, the bride spends more time planning the wedding with her mother and leaves her future husband on the sidelines.Â
Think of it this way: Are you marrying your mother or your husband? Setting the marital stage by bonding with your mother instead of your future spouse will immediately erode the foundation of the marriage.
This doesn’t guarantee that you and your fiancé will always agree on everything when it comes to the wedding.Â
Just make sure to always present a united front to your families to set healthy boundaries moving forward.
2. You make assumptions about what the other wants
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Just because he doesn’t take the initiative to inquire about how the wedding plans are going does not mean that he is not interested in participating with you. Instead of assuming, try asking if he wants to hear about the latest updates.Â
Unless he flat out says “no,” my guess is that he’ll be very interested to hear about the wedding plans. After all, it’s his wedding too.
If you need his help with any of the planning, don’t assume he can read your mind or understand the intimate intricacies of planning a wedding the way you do. Be smart and delegate tasks to him when necessary.Â
You might as well get into practice for running a household together. Not assuming false meaning to any of his actions will always be a great practice for how you communicate later as a married couple.
3. You don’t compromise on anything
If allowing your husband to have any say in the flavor of wedding cake is something that makes you break into a sweat, it’s time to wake up and understand that there is absolutely nothing perfect about a wedding, your marriage, or the world.Â
If your control issues are something that is already causing friction in the wedding planning, then take comfort in knowing that at least someone from above is sending you a clue that it’s time to work through the control issue for the sake of your future marriage.Â
Research from The Gottman Insitute states that compromise is especially essential to help resolve conflict in a relationship.
4. You’re more on the bachelor/bachelorette party or wedding than the marriage itself
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Having your closest college friends as a part of your wedding party is one thing, but when the wedding planning becomes more about the bachelor/bachelorette parties, and “tearin’ it up” college-style at the reception, one may wonder if the wedding is really about the two of you.
If partying with your closest friends becomes the focal point of the wedding, what’s to say that partying with your friends isn’t going to become a priority over your relationship once you’re married?Â
Take time to evaluate how you will now prioritize your relationships in your life so that it doesn’t become a detriment to the marriage.
5. You don’t connect at all on your wedding day
What’s the point of the wedding being yours and your husband’s without taking the time to periodically talk about what’s working in the planning and what isn’t?Â
On the day of the wedding, take periodic “get present” pauses. This is when you stop and take the moment together and individually.
Once you’re married, periodic check-ins with each other about what’s working and not working in the relationship, along with learning to be present with your husband, is a sure-fire prediction that your marriage will continue to move on the right track. Research from 2022 even agrees.
Carin Goldstein has been a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for over 10 years. She writes about relationships and marriage and her work is featured in Cosmopolitan, Women’s Daily, and Redbook.
