There was a time when being single scared me. Well, maybe scared is not the word I’m looking for. It gave me anxiety and made me sad. I never wanted to be single. I love being in a relationship with another human. I love unity, and I love love. Being alone? Not so much.
But then I hit 60, and everything changed for me. I still love love, and there are days when I wish I had a companion, but they are few and far between. I have a dog and a cat now — seems sufficient enough to me. Women are fine alone. In talking to a lot of my single girlie peeps, it seems that the majority are quite content to stay single and have no desire to hook up, remarry, or be committed again, and here are the honest reasons why.
Here are fifteen reasons so many women over fifty are choosing to stay single:
1. Freedom
The number one spot goes to freedom. Free to do whatever we want, whenever we want, with whomever we want and not have to answer a million questions when we get home.
2. The whole bed
Hallelujah. We can sprawl sideways and diagonally, lay like snow angels, use all the pillows, and keep all the blankets. We can turn the fan on high, open all the windows, and listen to whatever we want until we fall asleep. Bliss.
3. Fruit loops for dinner? Why not.
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We don’t have to cook if we don’t feel like it. Fruit Loops for dinner? Or maybe Sugar Frosted Flakes. Or maybe we’ll just order in whatever the heck we want from wherever the heck we want. Yup.
4. No interest in settling
We’re fairly confident he doesn’t exist, and we aren’t opting for Mr. He’ll Do For Now. We’re not settling for just anyone these days so we just stay single. If Mr. Right does show up, well, crack open the bottle of champagne!
5. Road trips, whenever, whereverÂ
This pretty much follows #1, but we can jump in the car, book a flight, hop on a train, and go wherever we want, whenever we want. There is no need to sit for hours and argue about places, details, money, bla bla bla with a partner. We’re off on our own and having the time of our life.
6. Scarred from past relationships
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Some women are just so scarred from previous relationships that they aren’t taking any more chances. They’re done. They don’t need to go through that whole getting to know each other phase again, only to find out Mr. Seems Ok lied in the beginning, and now we’re angry and scarred even more. Pass.
7. Don’t have to worry about mixing love and friendship
We don’t have to worry about anyone not liking our friends. These are our friends, and if someone else doesn’t like them, it’s too bad for you. We don’t have to sacrifice friendships (yes, some people do) for a relationship.
8. Zero compromise on TV showsÂ
There is no sharing the remote control, no having to watch icky football, no having to fight over what movie to watch. Nudda. We can watch what we want, when we want, as many times as we want, and not have to feel guilty.
9. Nobody touching usÂ
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If you know, you know. I was constantly groped in one of my previous relationships, and it’s awful. Now listen, I don’t mind little acts of love and affection, but groping is downright disgusting and barbaric. Me Tarzan, You Jane. No thanks.
10. Saying no to intimacy without feeling guilty
If I’m in the mood, great; if I’m not in the mood, then go please yourself. I hate that battle. Why do women have to feel like we need to perform or please at the drop of a dime? We don’t always want to.Â
11. Ability to please ourselves
Listen, we’re all friends here, right? Sometimes, I don’t want intimacy, and I can take care of myself.
12. Don’t have to share money
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It’s all mine. I worked my tush off for it. I don’t want to have to ask someone if I can buy something with my money. We also don’t want to have to support someone with the money we worked our butts off for. We can do what we want with our money and not have to answer to anyone for it.
13. More time to care for parents
Or maybe I have to move in with her, or whatever. Maybe my parents need me 24/7, and I don’t have the time or energy to be with a partner. I can decide to be with my family full-time and not have to sacrifice anything as far as a relationship goes.
14. More time to care for pets
If we want five or ten cats and four dogs and take in a bunch of fosters, well, we can do that without asking anyone’s permission. We can have as many animals as we want. They don’t call us ‘The Crazy Cat Lady’ for nothing, you know. We earn that title.
15. Peace and quiet
Women want peace, plain and simple. Being single, we can come home alone to our ten cats, seven dogs, and 15 fosters, pour ourselves a bowl of Fruit Loops, turn on Love is Blind, and not have to listen to anyone whine or moan. Total bliss.
So, on the flip side of this, there are times when I would love companionship; I just don’t need someone up in my face all the time.
I wouldn’t mind having a dinner date now and then. A movie date would be nice. But get married again and move in? At this stage of my life, I can’t see that happening.
I’ve come a long way, and I’m set on how certain things are in my life and it works. If I could find a good man who is down for some part-time companionship, that would be cool. If not, that’s cool too. I’m okay with my animals.
Iva Ursano, originally from Canada, runs the website Women Blazing Trails, where she helps women over 50 start over, embrace aging, and much more. She’s had her work featured on MSN, Tiny Buddha, Medium, Steven Aitchison, Mamamia, and Your Tango. When she’s not writing, she’s helping street dogs in her small town in Guatemala.
