If you are always meeting non-committal men (or women), the problem isn’t with the selection out there, but within your mind. It is easy to blame singles in your age group, the quality of singles who date online, or the type of partner you seek is not out there.Â
Passing the responsibility on to external circumstances is the way your subconscious mind tries to lead you away from the truth of what is going on. If you find the truth, you will change your results.
Now, don’t get too hard on yourself because you are not consciously creating this experience. If you knew what you were doing (or feeling/thinking) to cause it, I am sure you would change it immediately unless you don’t want to have love in your life. In my experience, here are the top reasons amazing women continue to date mediocre, non-committal partners.
Here are three core reasons amazing women date mediocre men:
1. She has an unconscious desire to stay single, so she chooses men she won’t fall for
Most likely, there is a stronger unconscious desire inside of you to stay single. Solution: Ask yourself what benefits you receive from staying in the status quo and if you are willing to give them up to be in a committed relationship. Research from 2021 shows the benefits of being alone, including reduced stress and better creativity.
2. She wants a quick love fix
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Those fly-by-night men feed that need for fast love. They say all the right things and create an “instant” relationship. While there is no definite timeline for when you fall in love, one 2022 study shows it takes about 3-4 months.
However, they often end as fast as they begin. Solution: Heal the urgency for love and you will stop attracting the ones who mesmerize you into one-night stands.
3. She’s afraid of being vulnerableÂ
Non-committal people never want to get close, so you don’t have to deal with emotional intimacy! Physical intimacy is easy if this is you, but the emotional part is scary. Research from 2019 confirms emotional intimacy allows for a healthy relationship to prosper.
Solution: Heal the past which has caused you to be afraid of opening up deeply to a partner. If you already worked on this, you need to dig a little deeper to get to the root of the fear.Â
Very Important! If you are afraid of getting too intimate, you will also be afraid to do the deep work required to heal this issue. There are three steps to changing your results. First, notice the pattern you are experiencing in your relationships.Â
Second, as you recognize the pattern, you must accept that you are the cause of the pattern. By accepting responsibility, you are armed with the power to change, and you can stop wasting time blaming others or waiting and hoping for outside conditions to change.Â
Lastly, face the things you have been avoiding including healing past relationships, working with uncomfortable emotions, and getting outside of your comfort zone. So, thank your latest unavailable man for holding up a powerful mirror for your inner healing.Â
Have compassion for them because they also have the same issues with love (that’s why you keep attracting each other). If you take these three steps, you will discover that love is waiting for you as you open your heart and mind to the ones who truly want to be with you. If you remove the barriers within your mind, you can effortlessly find the love you truly deserve.
Debi Maldonado is the CEO of CreativeMind, a personal development company. She has been featured by ABC News, FOX News, NBC News, Cosmopolitan, Huffington Post, Publisher’s Weekly, and more.
