Life has a way of sending certain people to teach us lessons that we may not know that we need. They often arrive without explanation and disrupt the carefully curated reality that we’ve built. At first, they may seem like disruptions or burdens, but upon looking deeper, we realize that they are a much-needed breath of insight.
During a conversation on Andrea Miller’s Getting Open podcast, Miller defined “Uninvited Buddha” as people in our lives who can challenge us and push our buttons — without even realizing it. Andrea admitted that rather than feeling like a victim of these Uninvited Buddhas, she and her co-host decided to share some of these scenarios and how she grew from them.Â
Six Uninvited Buddhas that are actually a sign of something much deeper.
1. A friend who is willing to tell you what you’re doing wrong (when it’s good for you).
Speaking about a personal experience that happened years ago, co-host Joanna Schroeder recalled attending one of her son’s middle school basketball games. At this game, Schroeder witnessed an older kid shove one of the smaller kids quite hard, and while she confronted that older kid’s mom about her child’s behavior and the situation ended up getting resolved, Schroeder went home and penned a Facebook post about the debacle, leaving out names and personal information.
“It was so obnoxious because I talked about where this comes from in the family and just not thinking it any kind of compassionate way,” Schroeder recalled. After receiving a comment from a friend that she should make the post public instead of private, Schroeder did just that but was met with even more backlash from fellow friends. It wasn’t until one of Schroeder’s friends bluntly texted her that she “sounds like a bully” that she saw the truth. She was acting like a bully.Â
“At that moment, I had the choice to continue being the victim of my own drama, and I went, ‘No, she’s right,'” she continued. “It was like something inside of me switched and I was able to go, ‘I need to figure out who I want to be in this world’.”
2. Someone who refuses to let you off the hook.
Speaking about that mom whom Schroeder had written about on Facebook, Schroeder admitted that she’d ended up sending her an email apologizing for the things that were said and talking about her behind her back. However, Schroeder explained that she hadn’t apologized for the Facebook post or admitted that it was wrong to post it in the first place.
The other mom refused to accept that initial apology, and it wasn’t until years later when Schroeder bumped into her again that was she able to give an authentic apology. Schroeder realized her mistake, and thankfully, the other mom was willing to accept the second apology and move on, but the lesson was clear as day.
If you act in a malicious or hurtful way to someone, they are not obligated to accept your apology, especially if it’s not sincere enough. While it may seem like a kick in the teeth, it’s only throw something like that that we can learn how to grow and not only realize our mistakes but become better people from it too.
3. A person who shames you for no good reasonÂ
While it’s easy to dismiss someone who treats you poorly, Andrea Miller shared a story on the podcast about a time it was hard for her to just let it go. Miller was trying to help a casual friend whose son knows one of her sons from school, and instead of replying with gratitude or even a simple pleasantry, this person decided to snap at her and seemingly make her feel embarrassed.Â
At first, it worked. Miller shared that she felt awful when reading his reply. Upon reflection, she realized that she didn’t have to buy into what he was implying about her. As the feeling of shame started to dissipate, she could see he was clearly out of line. As an Uninvited Buddha, he had taught her a lesson: You don’t always have to buy into what someone else says you’re doing — and their reactions are often more about them than you.Â
4. That person who is always late and can’t seem to change their habits.
While this example wasn’t mentioned on the podcast, it is a simple example something most of us can relate to.Â
We all have that one person (or maybe more than one) who is constantly late to things. It might have even gotten to the point where you have to lie about the meeting time because you already know they’ll waltz in 30 minutes late with a half-apology and no plans on changing their habits anytime soon.
These people are more than frustrating as their tardiness often disrupts a carefully planned schedule. It might even remind you of your childhood and the times when your parents were late to pick you up, and the shame that surrounded that as you were the sole child waiting in the parking lot. However, having someone in your life who’s constantly late can help you confront that shame, and maybe realize that being late can allow you to realize that we don’t have control over our timelines, no matter how much we want to.
Their behavior could also help in allowing you to reevaluate the expectations that you have for people, and how oftentimes, we can put people on these pedestals and then become agitated whenever they don’t reach them.
5. Someone who is constantly talking over you in conversations.
As someone who tends to be a bit introverted and shy in conversations with people, especially if it’s in a group where I don’t particularly know anybody, it happens quite often that I’ll get spoken over and ignored sometimes. A frustrating and maddening occurrence, I often tend to overlook how this can help me work on my assertiveness and setting boundaries.
Having someone in your life who either doesn’t realize it or doesn’t think it matters when they speak over you in conversations, can allow you to work harder at making sure you’re being heard in a room that may not be leaving space for you in the first place.Â
6. That person who randomly decided to ghost you.
Whether it’s a friend or someone that you may have been romantically seeing, being ghosted can feel extremely personal and like a rejection, which it is in some ways. While it’s easy to simply focus on their absence and internalize their behavior as something being wrong with you, their actions can actually be the perfect opportunity to practice self-worth and realize that there’s a reason they’re not meant to be in your life.
A painful experience nonetheless, the lessons that this can bring can help you refine what you want from a friend or romantic partner, and the qualities that you don’t want. It challenges you to refuse to have anyone in your life who can’t match your values, and honestly, can help you start prioritizing and appreciating the people in your life who actually show up and show out for you on a more consistent basis.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.
