In today’s tech-savvy world, there are a zillion ways to connect: email, phone, text message, and video chat. If you’re looking for a real relationship, then it’s time to start communicating in the right way with the right tool.
People who avoid texting and spend more time talking often have better relationships.
The tone of voice cannot be read in a text-only communication. This means your brain is filling in the blanks about the intended tone behind the words you read. It’s simply too easy to create a fantasy relationship without really knowing what’s going on with the person on the other end. All too often, you misread what was written and create severe miscommunication, wreaking havoc on your relationships.
Taking the time to learn communication skills will pay off for you in all areas of your life at any age. You can say anything to anyone, but it’s all in how you say it. When we meet someone, we teach them how to treat us. We can do this consciously or unconsciously.
If you’re dating and looking to get into a committed relationship, text messaging is great for one kind of communication only: logistics, such as, “I’m on my way downstairs,” “Meet me in the coffee shop,” or, “I’m running 10 minutes late.”
Research reveals how relationships can go awry due to miscommunication via email and text messages.
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According to the American Psychological Association, miscommunication in texting can occur for a variety of reasons, such as, “interweaving of texting and other activities, lack of nonverbal cues, use of acronyms and punctuation, and technical features and problems.”
How do you fix that? Simple: stop sending them. Request the kind of communication you prefer. Instead of texting, request your date call you instead. This way, you can quickly weed out the people who aren’t serious about a relationship.
This doesn’t apply if you’re simply having fun and aren’t looking to settle into a relationship. Hookup culture caters to casual intimacy and nothing more. If you want more, then it’s up to you to settle for nothing less. The person who likes you and wants a relationship with you will step up and pursue it, as suggested by a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
Young women, in particular, want to be pursued and wooed, yet they’re the ones doing all the work, leaving no room for their love interest to do any of the pursuing. The right person will step up for you and want to please you. If you believe this kind of person doesn’t exist, you must first shift that limiting belief and re-claim your self-esteem, according to a study in Psychophysiology Today.
Limiting your text communication is beneficial in every relationship stage, from the first date through 40 years of marriage.
It’s never a good idea to text how you feel or text a novel over to someone where you’re holding your breath for a response. So, if you’re truly interested in creating a relationship and not just having another hookup, sweetly let that guy know you want him to call you if he wants to see you. Once you make your desired form of communication known, ignore the texts asking, “Want to hang out sometime?”
Orna and Matthew Walters are dating coaches, the founders of Creating Love On Purpose, which takes a holistic approach to transforming hidden blocks into love, and the authors of Getting It Right This Time.
