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6 Ways To Not Let Goofy Family Members Ruin Everything Over The Holidays | Terri Orbuch, PhD

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The holiday season is supposed to be a time to spend relaxing meals and converse with family and friends. After all, that’s what we see in movies and TV shows, isn’t it?

Not every family’s holiday dinner looks like a Norman Rockwell painting. For many, holiday dinners can mean stressful family get-togethers and controlling in-laws. How do you survive this difficult period? Before you panic, here’s how to deal with stress this year and keep your family gatherings fun and festive.

Here are six ways to not let goofy family members ruin the holidays:

1. Let others help

family making dinner in the kitchen August de Richelieu / Pexels

Have everyone bring a favorite dish to pass. That way, every family member is an essential part of the meal or party. If someone doesn’t like to cook or bake, have them bring flowers, a game to play, or plates and napkins, or put them on clean-up crew.

RELATED: My Toxic Family Ruined The Holidays For Me

2. Respect differences

people talking during a meal cottonbro studio / Pexels

You can’t change anyone’s behavior or opinion at one get-together. Be a role model and show respect for everyone’s opinion. Taboo topics — topics that you just can’t talk about at family functions — are okay.

If there is a topic that creates too much conflict for you or other family members, try to stay clear of that topic. The most common examples are politics and religion.

The holidays are a stressful time, with one 2023 study from The American Psychological Association showing a significant portion of people report increased stress levels during the holiday season, with the main stressors often cited as financial pressures, navigating family dynamics, gift-giving, and the overall feeling of having to maintain a perfect holiday experience.

RELATED: Woman ‘Dreading’ The Holidays Is A Reminder That Your Family Drama Is Someone Else’s Dream

3. Maintain your boundaries

woman talking sternly during a meal Julia M Cameron / Pexels

Boundaries are okay in what you tell your family or friends at the holiday dinners. Don’t spill your guts to everyone about everything. Respect one another’s privacy.

In return, set limits for what you ask others about. It is not the time to ask your adult children if they’re dating or when they’re going to have children. Don’t take it personally when others don’t want to share their concerns or issues with you.

RELATED: A Couple With Kids Stopped Inviting Their Family To Holidays 5 Years Ago And They Have Zero Regrets

4. Be inclusive

people having dinner cottonbro studio / Pexels

Everyone needs to feel special and important. Do your best to help other family members feel that way. Sometimes, compliments and noticing others diffuse stress and conflict. Notice your mother-in-law’s new dress, your brother’s new haircut, or your cousin’s new car.

RELATED: How A Sweet Family Christmas Tradition Nearly Ended My Life

5. Be sensitive to others’ needs

woman cooking in her kitchen Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels

Be aware of who is coming to your family gatherings. Kids need games, toys, and other diversions. Create spaces that allow guests to spread out and “do their thing.”

For example, a cozy corner with a comfy chair and some magazines. Let guests know that they are welcome to make themselves comfortable. 

Also, accommodate your guests’ special dietary needs. Provide a few alternative dishes and don’t feel insulted if they can’t eat everything you’ve prepared.

RELATED: 9 Types Of People Who Really Struggle During The Holidays

6. Keep it light

people playing card game RDNE Stock project / Pexels

Studies from 2019 show that laughter and smiling change people’s moods. Tell a funny story or a joke. Print out a list of one-liners, cut into strips, and have each dinner guest read his or hers out loud.

Games and outdoor activities also reduce family tension and are always fun. But play games that don’t take much skill or prior knowledge, like charades, cards, or other non-competitive team games.

RELATED: Man Feels Conflicted About Spending ‘Stressful & Depressing’ Holidays With His Siblings

Dr. Terri Orbuch, Ph.D. (aka The Love Doctor®) is a relationship expert, professor, therapist, research scientist, speaker, and author of 5 best-selling books.



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