For many girl dads, it’s almost a rite of passage to threaten and terrorize, in some cases, their daughter’s boyfriend — especially at the first introduction.
However, in a TikTok video, a girl dad of a teenager, content creator, and college professor named Neil Shyminsky shared that while it’s understandable that dads want to do everything in their power to protect their daughters, instilling fear in their chosen partner is not the best approach.
A girl dad explained why intimidating a daughter’s boyfriend doesn’t actually protect her.
In Shyminsky’s video, he broke down the problematic nature of the protective dad trope by stitching a video of another father talking about meeting his 13-year-old daughter’s boyfriend for the first time.
“As a girl dad, I knew this was coming but I don’t know if I’m ready for it,” the dad said. “I like this kid though. I met him recently. He’s respectful, shook my hand, looked me in the eye, called me by my last name.”
Shyminsky admitted that this fellow girl dad lost him a bit at insisting that the boyfriend call him by his last name, but things only got worse from there. The dad said it was hard to wrap his mind around the fact that his little girl was getting into a relationship with a guy who was probably going to end up “replacing” him, adding that he was at the very least happy knowing that the young man was “terrified” of him.
“So, you want a 13-year-old to be terrified of you?” Shyminsky incredulously questioned. “We didn’t forget that the kids we’re talking about are 13. This little boy is probably 5’4′.’ There are enough red flags here that your idea of ‘cordial’ is probably quietly intimidating.”
Shyminsky explained that to any 13-year-old boy, a grown man would seem a bit intimidating, responding to the dad’s point that he didn’t actively try to scare the teenage boy dating his daughter, but his appearance did all of the work instead.
He claimed that as a ‘girl dad,’ the last thing he wants is to intimidate another teenager for the sake of protecting his daughter.
“This is where you and I differ a little bit,” Shyminsky continued, addressing the other father’s video directly.
“Because owing to the fact that I’m generally much larger than the people around me, I measure success in terms of who feels safe in my presence and not how many small children I terrify.”
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He emphasized that he’ll always want the dating world, especially if his daughter decides to continue dating boys, to be as safe for her as possible. But threatening teenage boys and taking pleasure in their fear of him and his “muscles,” as this other girl’s dad gleefully stated, isn’t the way to go about it.
Fear does not command true respect. Real respect is earned through trust and kindness.
“A boy who respects your daughter only because he fears that you could hurt him is not anyone that we want to get anywhere near our daughters,” Shyminsky insisted.
“Because if he’s supposed to respect and listen to you because your muscles are larger than his, how is your daughter supposed to treat him when his are, in all likelihood, larger than hers?”
If dads want to ensure their daughters feel protected and safe with their boyfriends, they should teach them to value themselves and never settle for someone who will bully them.
If a child is old enough and mature enough to date, any decisions about that relationship should be between partners only.
In fact, research has shown that parents who try to control their teen daughters’ romantic relationships reinforce archaic ideals that women cannot make good choices for themselves. That inevitably leads to feelings of low self-worth and has a direct impact on adolescent promiscuity.
Basically, bullying your daughter’s boyfriend tells her you don’t trust her.
Instead, dads should lead by example. By treating the women in their lives with trust, honesty, and respect, they will raise daughters who won’t settle for anything less.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
