“I’m done with men!” is a proclamation you’ve likely heard your heterosexual female friends say or may have even said yourself as a result of today’s dating pool.
Following the 2024 presidential election, in which a large gender gap between young men and women became evident, social media has been especially inundated with women making such declarations. Some have even called for the 4B movement, a radical feminist movement stemming from South Korea in which women refuse to date, get married to, be intimate with, or have children with men.
Another solution women are turning to is lavender marriages.
Lavender marriages are looking increasingly appealing to women.
A lavender marriage is a term used to describe a marriage between a man and a woman where one or both partners are gay but want to conceal their sexualities. It originated in the early 20th century and was intended to preserve the LGBTQ+ community.
While lavender marriages were typically done during times when homosexuality was stigmatized, and gay people wanted to protect themselves, some women are considering a lavender marriage today, believing that they have far more pros than cons.
Many women believe that marrying a gay man will solve some of their financial problems.
Research shows that women benefit far less in marriage than men. Even in relationships in which both partners make equal money — and even when the woman is the breadwinner — they often still complete the lion’s share of household chores and childcare.
Yet, marriage does have its benefits, especially financially, and in today’s economy, that means a lot. From tax advantages and spousal Social Security benefits to insurance discounts and pooled retirement resources, marriage can certainly be worthwhile — and engaging in a lavender marriage is one way to reap those benefits.
“Just found out what a lavender marriage is and honestly I’d be down,” one woman admitted on TikTok. “I’m reliable, work, have an excellent credit score, have health insurance, no kids, and love to travel. I just want to be able to afford a mortgage and maybe have a travel buddy. You do you and I’ll do me.”
Even some gay men are down with the idea — and not as a way to conceal their sexual orientation. They, too, are fond of the financial perks of having a steady companion!
Robbie Scott is one of these individuals and is currently accepting serious inquiries from women who want a lavender marriage with him.
“I can be your husband, I can be your wife, I can be your dog — I can be whatever the [expletive] you want me to be,” he joked. “All you have to do is marry me so I can afford to pay a mortgage, utilities, and taxes. You can mess around with whoever you want, I don’t care. In fact, I encourage it.”
“All I ask is that when that monthly payment is due, you show up with your other half,” he added.
As much as the idea of lavender marriage is appealing to some, there are factors to consider before jumping into one.
While some people may believe that the financial benefits of a lavender marriage are worth it, a relationship that lacks authentic romantic love may take a toll over time. The benefits of maintaining appearances often come at the cost of personal happiness and true connection.
Like any relationship, open and honest communication is necessary for a successful lavender marriage.
If you believe that this is the path for you, it is wise to sit down with your intended partner and draw out a plan for all of the what-ifs that you can circle back to during rough times. Talk about your expectations and set boundaries. Discuss what would happen should one partner find romantic love outside of the marriage.
You may find that marrying someone who encourages you to travel, helps you pay the bills without complaint, and never pressures you for intimacy after a long day is better than being in a traditional marriage!
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.
