Money has always been a source of contention among married couples.
Navigating each other’s differing ideas and perceptions about how it should be handled can quickly become a major conflict — just ask any divorce lawyer. The situation a man on Reddit is facing is a perfect example.
The man is wondering how to tell his wife he doesn’t intend to share his inheritance with her.
Over the past few years, the man has come into a couple of very large sums of money due to his parents’ declining health, including a huge pile of very lucrative stock he took possession of when dementia impacted their ability to maintain their finances.
“Cut to this year and both my parents have passed,” he wrote in his post, “and I have inherited another large chunk of money in various account types,” adding to his and his wife’s already comfortable financial situation.
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His wife assumes that half of the money will be hers, but he doesn’t think she’s entitled to it.
“Long story short, my wife thinks half is hers,” he went on to say, presumably because after 35 years of marriage, their finances are already commingled to some extent. “She has ‘ideas’ on how to spend just about all of it.”
However, none of his previous inherited money has ever been part of their joint accounts, so he doesn’t feel like her expectations are particularly reasonable.
He’s not being miserly — he plans to “indulge” his wife’s desires with the money rather than hoarding it away from her. But he feels that “my inheritance is mine, not ‘ours,'” and he’s emphatic that “I will be the final authority on how those funds are spent.”
Still, he wonders if he’s being too adamant about it, and especially how to broach the subject with her. “We do have a great marriage and up to this point have never had a serious disagreement revolving around money,” he wrote, so he’s in a bit of a quandary.
People’s opinions were all over the map on how he should handle it, and experts agree it’s very complicated.
The man got a wide range of responses from his fellow Redditors. Many felt he should just not make an issue of it unless or until a discussion about ownership of the money actually comes up.
“I would save my griping until absolutely necessary,” one person wrote. “If I got 10 mil and she wants to redo the kitchen, I am redoing the kitchen.”
Others, of course, felt like he was being very selfish and miserly, especially after 35 years together. Many said if they were in a similar situation, there’d be no question — they’d simply add the money to their joint account and be done with it.
Experts say inheritances are a bit more complicated than that, however, because of the legal ramifications involved. If they commingled the money in a joint account and then ended up divorcing, for example, his wife would likely have some entitlement to the inheritance that would have to be hammered out in court. Keeping it separate usually avoids this.
Because of the legal ramifications and especially the high emotions often involved, experts also say that sitting down with an estate attorney is the best path forward, especially since laws vary so much from state to state.
As for what the “right” thing to do is on an emotional and relationship level? That’s truly a question only the individual couple can answer for themselves.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice, and human interest topics.
