I have been working in male-dominated industries for over a decade. I have 2 engineering degrees, worked in IT, then drones, FPV drone racing, aviation (experimental), and during all this time — also social media.
It wouldn’t be an overestimation if I said that I had more than a fair share of misogyny, belittling, and straight-up threatening behaviors. And while I know there will be a lot of #NotAllMen in the comments — there’s one thing I will have to highlight here. While #NotAllMen — It’s #AlwaysMen.
You may think that some of those things are “not that bad” or that something is a joke, yet I will have to put a little reality check here:
- If it’s a “joke,” you wouldn’t have to tell me it was
- Jokes stop being funny after you hear them for 100th time
Here’s a comprehensive list of things that men said to me that made me feel less of a human, or someone lesser than them, some with explanations, in no particular order.
Here are eighteen dehumanizing comments men have made to me:
1. “You’re here to find yourself a husband”
— My professor in the 1st year of my university. This continued throughout the entire uni, where he would try to guess which of my colleagues did my work for me. I reported it to the uni, but they ignored it, and the principal said to me “Don’t push it because this will get you in trouble.” — classic victim blaming.
2. “Oh, sweetie, can you make me a coffee as well since you’re on it?”
— A man at a business meeting I was presenting at while entering it with a coffee. I told him I was busy at the moment, and he asked me “What else are you busy with? Isn’t that your job?” I was not a secretary, but he assumed so (making me less than him). Plus: sweetie?
3. “They got you here for media purposes?”
fizkes | Shutterstock
— An engineer in my last experimental aircraft job where I was a pilot. I had to prove my worth for 2 months of hard work, knowing about the engineering parts of things, etc. When a new man came into the office — he was worthy right away.
4. “Aren’t you too pretty to be an engineer?”
— A man from marketing.
5. “If the career is so hard maybe you should go back to the kitchen”
— Thank you, but the career was so hard because of people like you.
6. “Don’t take this so seriously. He was just joking. It’s a prank, stop being a snowflake.”
Yan Krukau | Pexels
— An event organizer to me after I reported being groped by a judge at an event (while I had FPV goggles on my face and couldn’t do much because I was remotely flying, something I could call a flying blender if it went out of control). The judge took his sweet, sweet time groping me and adding “I was just checking if you had your panties on” — and to all the #NotAllMen — I wore jeans and a man’s shirt that was as long as a dress. Covering my butt. Have I mentioned that #NoneOfTheMen present during this particular situation reacted or did anything about it?
7. “Being angry doesn’t suit you — smile more.”
— A man after I reported inappropriate behavior towards me (including unwanted touching) by a superior.
8. “Women go through this every month, don’t be so delicate”
— A male doctor in the ER after I lost consciousness due to my period pain and had to be scraped off the pavement (I also puked before losing consciousness). Turned out I have three conditions that the pill they put me on made worse (happily only have been on the pill for 2 months in my life. Both finished with me in the ER).
9. “It cannot be that bad, loosen up. I have a headache too, and I’m not complaining.”
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock
— Me barely able to move, stuck in the truck when my period came in early, drenched with cold sweat and shaking, awaiting my prescription painkillers to work, and asking for an extra fifteen minutes before we started the pre-flight brief.
10. “You’re too all over the place. Get yourself a baby and calm down.”
— A man visibly jealous of my career and accomplishments. Also one of the worst reasons for having kids.
11. “Good job for a woman”
It probably doesn’t need an explanation.
12. “Does your husband approve of what you are doing?”
fizkes | Shutterstock
— A man asking me about my career during a live interview. I was single at the time.
13. “What do you think of the race track? You know … as a woman?”
— Another interviewer during a race. I am not sure how the track was different for me as a woman.
14. “Does your husband know where you are?”
— A man in a hotel I checked into at 2 am on my way from Europe. I was single at the time as well.
15. “Are you pregnant?”
Cast of Thousands | Shutterstock
— So many men on my socials whenever I posted a COVID test (negative) that has COVID printed on the top of the thing. Dear men — learn what pregnancy tests look like.
16. “OMG, maybe you are pregnant!”
— Men every time I’d say in my Instagram stories that I do not feel well. Apparently, women don’t get sick, they get pregnant. That’s what they are made for, right?
Why men feel the need to know if I am pregnant and want to tell me I may be pregnant is beyond me. I never got any of those from a woman.
17. “You wouldn’t understand that”
— A man, proceeding to mansplain to me my work, and ending up shocked it was my own work.
18. “This isn’t a competition. Why won’t you put me against a real racer?”
abdullah karataş | Pexels
— A man in a car race going against me. I won.
Lexie Janson is a writer, content creator, flying car racing pilot, and public speaker. Her work can be found on her blog, medium, and various social media platforms.
