According to the National Center for Health Statistics, women file for divorce two-thirds of the time. A notable statistic is that when the couple is college-educated, divorce initiated by the wife is a whopping 90 percent. The “no-fault” divorce allowed a couple to divorce due to irreconcilable differences.
Before these laws, adultery or extreme cruelty required proof to be approved for a divorce. Perhaps this is why many people think it’s no big deal for a woman to go through a divorce. The truth is that divorce is painful for all parties involved. Most women do not want a divorce.
Here are ten really surprising reasons women turn to divorce:
1. Infidelity
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2014 research showed that infidelity is a significant contributing factor to divorce, with many studies reporting that a substantial percentage of divorces are directly linked to an affair, with estimates ranging from 20-40% of divorces being caused by infidelity. However, it’s important to note that infidelity often occurs alongside other pre-existing marital problems, and not all instances of infidelity lead to divorce.
2. Incompatiblity
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Research identifies incompatibility as one of the most frequently cited reasons individuals give for marital dissolution, often linked to issues like differing values, communication styles, and life goals, which can lead to growing dissatisfaction and, ultimately, separation.
2021 research found incompatibility to be a prevalent reason for divorce, especially among younger couples who married early.
3. Drinking/drug use
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Substance abuse frequently damages trust in a marriage, as the addicted partner may attempt to lie, distract, or hide that they’ve been using or drinking. It’s common for an addict to lie about where they have been or the cause behind an adverse event, according to a 2009 study.
4. Grew Apart
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Growing apart significantly impacts a marriage by causing decreased relationship satisfaction, reduced intimacy, poor communication, and a growing sense of disconnection between partners, often leading to marital distress and potentially even divorce if not addressed effectively. According to a PLoS One survey, this can happen as individuals experience personal growth, life changes, or differing priorities that are not actively navigated together as a couple.
5. Personality problems
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Personality issues can significantly impact a marriage by creating difficulties with communication, emotional regulation, intimacy, and overall relationship stability, often leading to conflict, misunderstandings, and a lack of connection between partners, especially if one or both individuals have a diagnosed personality disorder. According to a 2013 study, this can manifest in various ways depending on the specific personality traits involved.
6. Lack of communication
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According to the American Psychological Association, a lack of communication in a marriage can significantly damage the relationship. If not addressed effectively, it can lead to increased conflict, resentment, decreased intimacy, misunderstandings, stress, and a feeling of disconnection between partners, often contributing to a breakdown in the marriage.
7. Physical or mental abuse
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While physical injury may pose the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse are also severe. Emotionally abusive relationships can destroy your self-worth, lead to anxiety and depression, and make you feel helpless and alone, according to a 2013 study.
8. Loss of love
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When love fades in a marriage, it can significantly impact the relationship by causing increased distance, decreased intimacy, poor communication, feelings of resentment, and a general sense of unhappiness, potentially leading to a breakdown in the partnership if not addressed effectively. A study by the Pew Research Center found that couples may experience difficulty expressing their needs, struggle to resolve conflict, and feel emotionally disconnected.
9. Not meeting family obligations
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Not meeting family obligations can negatively impact a marriage by creating tension, resentment, and neglect between partners, especially if one person feels disproportionately responsible for fulfilling family duties, leading to potential conflict and decreased marital satisfaction. This is particularly true if the spouse or their family perceives the unmet obligations as necessary, a 2023 Oxford University study found.
10. Employment problems
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Employment problems, such as job loss or excessive work stress, can significantly impact a marriage by causing financial strain, increased tension, communication breakdowns, emotional distance, and resentment between partners. These problems often lead to decreased marital satisfaction and, in severe cases, even divorce. A 2018 study found that the stress and uncertainty of a troubled job can spill over into home life, affecting the quality of the relationship.
Surprisingly, financial problems were thirteenth on the list, which shows you that fighting over money all the time (or lack of money) is NOT one of the primary causes of divorce.
The list is proof women want an equal partner. When it comes down to it, men and women are looking for the same thing. We all want a person who loves us unconditionally.
Due to many women’s beliefs passed down from mother to daughter for generations, they struggle with who they are and what social roles they ought to fill. This inner struggle often leads a woman to put impossible demands on herself. She wants it all and thinks she has to do it all. At the same time, she is screaming for help.
A partner that asks our opinion on important matters trusts our decisions and respects us as a people. We all want to feel appreciated. We do not want to come second or third. When we talk, we want to feel heard.
At one time, there was love in the relationship. To get married, most couples have to feel most of the above. They are on top of the world when they are with their partner.
Then life happened. Being different people, each person handles the stresses and pressures of everyday life differently. Arguments begin, and communication breaks down. Often, the woman will try anything to make her marriage work. She starts to read books, try new things, buy new clothes, and maybe take up new hobbies. All in the hope of reviving the love that was lost. She only resorts to divorce as a last resort.
Cindy Holbrook is a divorce coach, personal development coach, and speaker.
