“Accept Where You Are to Get You Where You Want to Go. Seeing clearly, accepting, and starting where you are. Not where you want to be. Not where you think you should be. Not where other people think you should be. But where you are. Be Present So You Can Own Your Attention and Energy. Being present, both physically and mentally, for what is in front of you. Spending more time fully in this life, not in thoughts about the past or future.” —Brad Stulberg, The Practice of Groundedness
I’ve been thinking about this quote a lot in my current season of life. Thinking on it has made me realize how some of the time I am not present in today, but rather looking ahead (and often worrying) about the future. I am ruminating on potentials, or maybe-outcomes, or all the things I don’t have a say over. I get caught up in the fact that I don’t have a say when the Air Force sends my husband away. I don’t have a say in what business success I have or don’t have in the coming year, despite all the energy I’ll put to it. On a macro-level, I’ve felt overwhelmed and worried about the larger state of the world. It can all feel quite paralyzing and it’s only human to get stuck there sometimes.
In my book After Trauma: Lessons on Overcoming from a First Responder Turned Crisis Counselor, I wrote about an alternative to this worry: “We need something that can pull us to a place of mental safety instead of a place of fear. I call it an anchor. Your anchor could be a thought or a mantra like ‘I am safe in my body’ or ‘No matter what others do, I have the ability to make decisions that are best for me’ … it’s anything that grounds you to the present moment.”
Being grounded is not something that takes a lot of time or money. It is a daily and certainly lifelong practice, a goal that we are always working toward but are never perfect at. I have found a certain freedom in acquiescing to the universe and accepting that all I have a say in is my own internal experience. So what can this look like in our daily lives?
Finding a Routine. With so much unpredictability around us, it can be helpful to find a routine for our day-to-day. Maybe you stop at the same coffee shop on the way to work after walking your dog around your neighborhood. Maybe you listen to the same podcast each morning, or decide to work your way through an audio book as you begin your day. Maybe you go for a walk or a run each day at 4 pm as this can provide a great transition from your work day into your non-work time. Ending each day with a book can give you something to look forward to and give you a bit of quiet time to wind down before getting to sleep.
Physical Grounding. I have found consistent physical movement to be key. Some days the movement I choose involves running or biking, and some days it’s lifting, yoga, or sitting quietly but intentionally with myself. I’ve found that more than any other benefit, this daily practice forces me into my body and, therefore, into the present moment. Physical grounding can also look like a meditation practice in which we simply spend a few mindful minutes with ourselves each morning. Being mindful is about coming into our senses and taking the time to notice what each one is telling us. This drops us right into our bodies as we put words to what our physical self is experiencing in that exact moment.
Mental Grounding. I have journaled each day for 19 years; I am on my 126th journal right now. I’ve found this to be the single best daily practice to help me connect better with myself and be in the present. I document what I expect about the day ahead and how I am feeling about it. I am careful not to spend too much time ruminating on the future, as it is all unknown and I’ve found that spending too much time the what-if’s doesn’t make me feel grounded at all. Coming up with a phrase or mantra to repeat in your head can be another way to bring yourself into the present when something unexpected comes into your daily experience.
Staying Connected. While researching for my thesis, I found a fascinating statistic about the importance of social connection. In a study done 8 months after the 2005 terrorist attacks in France, first responders who were involved that night were invited to participate in a volunteer study about their specific traumatic exposure and any impact felt. In all, 667 first responders participated. Based on their answers, researches found that “gender was not affiliated with higher rates of PTSD, but…having a higher degree of social isolation was affiliated with higher rates of PTSD” (Motreff, et al., 2020). Even if we haven’t experienced something like a terrorist attack, we can still feel a pull to isolate ourselves when things feel hard. We might feel like we don’t want to be a burden on anyone or that what’s stressing us isn’t “that bad” compared to what others must manage. I’m confident that those in your life want to support you and be there when you need them. Can you call a friend today to see if they’ll join you for your evening walk?
I wonder what practice you could add to your day to help you anchor to the here and now: Writing a bit in a journal at the start of each day? A 10-minute mindfulness manifestation? A lunchtime walk? A late-afternoon workout to help you transition into your evening? When things feel out of control, it can be helpful to assert the power in our daily lives that we do have. We can do that by choosing to actively participate in what makes us feel grounded and present in our bodies. So much in life is uncertain, but actively looking for ways to bring stability into our daily lives can make a big difference.
