it’s hard to admit you have narcissistic tendencies. “Narcissist,” is often perceived as an insult, and our culture is generally judgmental of people with narcissism. Yet, narcissism exists on a continuum, and some amount of narcissism can be healthy, while unchecked narcissism can become malignant.
To keep your narcissism in check will require awareness and most likely some outside help if you are becoming unhealthy in your application of narcissism.
Here are 7 life skills narcissists must learn if they genuinely want to find a partner
1. They must honestly assess their narcissism
Most of us fall somewhere between healthy and malignant narcissism, sharing qualities of both depending on our state of mind, vulnerabilities, and life circumstances at a given time.
Healthy narcissists have a reasonable sense of themselves and others and are concerned with their well-being as well as that of their loved ones, and larger community. Shirley McNeal, Ph.D. asserts, “some degree of narcissism can be viewed as essential when considering the ingredients of a healthy personality”
While, malignant narcissism can lead to abuse, but can also manifest in less egregious forms. A study published in the Journal of Personality Disorders explores the different forms of narcissism as a factor of guilt.
The complexities of life are challenging to balance, and narcissistic tendencies can cause us to put more effort into gaining personal accolades, especially when survival is the primary life focus.
2. They must develop self-awarenessÂ
NDAB Creativity via Shutterstock
Self-awareness allows you to create the space for change and empower you to make different choices. Know your good, bad, and ugly traits and how they are affected by narcissistic behavior. Try to sit with these thoughts about yourself for more than a minute.
Psychiatrist Francis Broucek found in early narcissistic developments “the grandiose self is either incorporated in the central sector of the personality, which then refuses to recognize negative information about the actual self, or else the central sector refuses recognition of the grandiose self, leading to a dissociation of the grandiose self.”
3. They need to imagine what others feel and think
Try to appreciate why someone else might feel differently and contrast that with how you feel. Explore those thoughts without your opinion being layered into the imagining. Try to feel how their emotions are in the moment, not how you would react or respond.
4. They must develop patience and acceptance of the process
Having narcissistic tendencies can go hand-in-hand with the need for immediate gratification, but addressing narcissistic tendencies is not easy or quick, especially if you’ve been contending with emotional emptiness for a while.
5. They must mourn and grieve the losses, pain, and life experiences that made them
Peopleimages.com via Yuri A via Shutterstock
This is the most important step you can take to address your narcissism. Malignant narcissistic traits do not appear from nowhere. Conditions of life experience can create a narcissistic response system that is usually the result of unhealed trauma.
It is only through grieving and repairing your pain — and the pain you have passed on — that you can achieve greater freedom from narcissism.
6. They should seek psychodynamic therapies and psychoanalysis
These modalities of treatment are the most direct way to address your narcissistic tendencies. An article, Principles of Psychodynamic Treatment for Patients With Narcissistic Personality Disorder, in the Journal of Personality Disorders states, “The therapist’s interventions range from interpretation of the transference to supportive approaches that emphasize empathic validation and direct advice.”
7. They must take control and ownership of their behavior
We’re all prone to narcissism, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you have no control over how these qualities affect other people You can alter your narcissistic proclivities by being present, listening, and connecting with other people.
These are the best remedies for narcissistic predilections. You can raise your awareness to break the cycle for the next generation.
Lisa Schlesinger practices both Psychoanalysis and Psychodynamic psychotherapy. She has been featured in Psychology Today, the Huffington Post, ADAA, and more.
