The reality is that we all have the capacity for improvement. We can strive to “be slow to speak,” more attentive in our listening, and more patient with ourselves and others. We can learn to pace ourselves, cultivating a sense of curiosity and openness.
A crucial step in this process is acknowledging that, as individuals, we can never fully understand another person’s lived experience. This recognition should prompt a deeper introspection and an intentional practice of empathy.
Yet the truth remains that empathy is a skill many of us have not fully developed. This is not a critique but rather an acknowledgment of the broader societal challenge we face.
Empathy is difficult, particularly in a culture that often discourages emotional vulnerability and does not provide sufficient space for emotional processing. While we are beginning to explore what it means to cultivate empathy in society, much work remains to be done.
Empathy involves understanding another person from their frame of reference, rather than interpreting their experience through the lens of one’s own. It requires vicariously experiencing that person’s feelings and emotions. To practice empathy, we can actively listen without immediately offering explanations or advice and validate another person’s feelings without necessarily agreeing with them. This can be achieved by asking thoughtful questions, summarizing what we’ve heard, or reflecting back the emotions expressed.
I recall a moment during supervision with a therapist-in-training who asked when we would move beyond the foundational phase of therapy and begin addressing root causes and interventions. The answer, as I explained, is that these steps cannot occur without the development of trust and rapport, which often takes time—sometimes weeks or months.
My advice is simple yet crucial: Slow down, listen attentively, and be present with the experiences others are sharing. Acknowledge what they are expressing without the need to rush toward a resolution. There is no immediate need to offer answers or explanations; sometimes, simply being present is the most profound form of support.
Moreover, empathy is deeply connected to our own self-awareness. When we take the time to sit with and understand our own emotions, we can engage with others in a more authentic and compassionate way.
In this regard, many of us—whether as leaders, parents, counselors, or community figures—are often too quick to urge others to “fight” or to “keep going,” especially during moments of mourning. Just as we would hopefully never tell someone who has suffered a physical loss to simply “move on,” we must resist the urge to prematurely push people through their emotional responses, especially in the face of contentious social events.
At times, it is necessary to allow people to remain in a space of venting, grieving, and lamenting. While there will undoubtedly be a time for action, it is equally valid to acknowledge that this moment is not necessarily the right time for such a shift.
Finally, in a world that often prioritizes the needs of others over our own, it is crucial to take care of ourselves. Pay attention to what your body is telling you and remain mindful of your own emotional landscape. Empathy, in its truest form, is not only extended to others; it is also a practice we must offer to ourselves.
