Source: Annie Spratt / Unsplash
We live in a society that is obsessed with personal growth and self-mastery. Constantly searching for a new trend, the self-help industry has latched onto Stoicism as the latest strategy to help you rise above the anguish of human existence. Though it dates back to the ancient Greek philosopher Zeno of Citium, Stoicism is experiencing a renaissance as the self-help market is flooded with books and podcasts teaching you how to be more stoic in your daily life.
At its core, Stoicism is a proponent of focusing on your sphere of control and letting go of everything else. It emphasizes the notion that you cannot control external events, but only your response to them. In other words, when life throws you a curveball, focus on dealing with it rather than getting frustrated by it. According to the early Stoics, the ideal agent has no emotions because they are barriers to reason.1
On the surface, Stoicism is well-intentioned. Not only can emotions be difficult to cope with, they can also make it harder to navigate life’s stressors. How many times have you avoided taking action to address a problem due to feeling overwhelmed? Can you imagine how much easier it would be to set boundaries if you did not have to contend with feelings of guilt and obligation?
Focusing on your sphere of control also comes with benefits. Such an approach minimizes the impact that external events have on you. Relinquishing this sphere is a recipe for feeling helpless and powerless.
Potential Drawbacks
Despite its benefits, Stoicism comes with potential drawbacks. By emphasizing reason at the expense of emotions, it fails to appreciate the vital role of emotions in decision-making. Paying attention to how you feel can provide you with valuable data as you navigate life. For example, anger is an appropriate emotional response to injustice and an indication to advocate for yourself when someone is taking advantage of you. Likewise, anxiety is a signal to take action in the face of a potential danger.
In addition, Stoicism fails to consider the negative impact of dulling, avoiding, or suppressing emotions. Sure, such an approach may protect you from experiencing the sting of failure or rejection. However, it also prevents you from experiencing the elation of success or the ecstasy of falling in love. The trade-off for blunting the pain of your lows is sacrificing the joy of your highs.
Furthermore, Stoicism does not foster human connection on a deep emotional level. Everyone has a need to feel seen and understood. Empathy, which is the ability to emotionally understand another human being, is a connecting and healing experience. Can you imagine going to a therapist to grieve the loss of a loved one or process a difficult past life experience only to receive advice that bypasses your feelings about these events and fixates exclusively on taking action to move forward? You would feel invalidated and dismissed because you were not given the time or space to express and experience your emotions. The ability to be in tune with your emotions is essential to emotionally understand what another human being is going through and to connect with them.
Finally, Stoicism overemphasizes how much control you have over your emotions. There are steps you can take to regulate your emotions. For example, it is prudent to pay attention to your pattern of thinking because it can impact how you feel. However, your emotions are also impacted by factors that are beyond your control such as exposure to adverse childhood events, reminders of past trauma, genetic predispositions to mental illness, blood sugar fluctuations, or coming down with an illness. We are all familiar with the experience of waking up cranky for no good reason and starting our days on the wrong foot.
Pointing out potential shortcomings is not intended to make the case that Stoicism has no place in your journey of personal growth. Rather, the intention is to push back against the self-help industry that takes the reductionist approach of putting Stoicism on a pedestal and dismissing valid emotional responses to real-life stressors.
Experiencing Emotions
Experiencing a wide range of emotions, often simultaneously, is a prerequisite to living a full life. You cannot experience the bliss of falling in love without making yourself vulnerable to the gut-wrenching grief of a potential breakup. You cannot grow if you don’t put yourself in uncomfortable situations outside your comfort zone. You can be happy that a dear colleague is moving on to greener pastures and sad they will no longer be part of your daily routine. Such emotional experiences add depth and meaning to the mundane pattern of our daily existence.
Experiencing emotions is not an invitation to relinquish your sphere of control. On the contrary, you can have feelings when stressors arise and take action within your sphere of control to minimize their impact on you. These two realities are not mutually exclusive.
A healthier and more useful approach is to integrate stoic principles as you embark on a path of emotional awareness and mastery. Take a moment to observe your feelings because they are sources of valuable information. Learn how to process your feelings so you don’t become a prisoner to them. Master the ability to advocate for yourself by expressing how you feel about a situation.
Suppressing your feelings may feel like the path of least resistance. This approach may temporarily avoid discomfort or conflict. However, suppression can paradoxically intensify the unwanted thoughts and feelings you are trying to avoid.2 You can bottle or ignore your feelings for only so long before they return with a vengeance regardless of how much you embrace Stoicism.
