Dear Beloved Readers,
In our last post, we began talking about the effects of trauma on how we react, especially in moments of conflict with our children. Today, I want to address another important aspect of the question: How do I make amends and rebuild trust after a difficult moment with my child?
As parents, we all have moments where we don’t respond the way we want to. The key is learning how to repair the relationship afterward, restoring connection, and rebuilding trust. This can feel overwhelming, especially when emotions run high, but there is hope. Rebuilding trust with your child is possible, and it can be one of the most healing parts of your relationship. We’ll explore how to reconnect with your child using the principles of Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) and grounding ourselves in the biblical truth of reconciliation.
As a TBRI Practitioner, one of the most valuable principles I’ve seen at work is connection before correction. This means that before trying to correct your child’s behavior, you focus on reconnecting with them emotionally. Children, especially those who’ve experienced trauma or high emotional stress, often struggle to process correction until they feel safe and seen.
Think about how God deals with us when we fall short. His first move is always toward relationship and grace, inviting us to return to Him in love. As parents, we can mirror this by making sure our children know they are deeply loved and valued, even in moments of conflict.
Scripture:
“Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.” —Ephesians 4:2 (NLT)
Re-Do’s: A Second Chance
One beautiful TBRI tool that reflects God’s grace is offering a re-do. After a conflict, instead of shaming your child or letting the moment linger, offer a re-do. This gives both you and your child the chance to practice a better way of handling the situation.
Here’s how it can look:
- Acknowledge the moment: Calmly admit that things didn’t go well earlier. You might say, “I know that was hard for both of us. Let’s try that moment again.”
- Model the behavior: Show your child how you’d like them to respond by leading with your own calm and gentle approach. This teaches them that mistakes are opportunities for growth, not shame.
This not only rebuilds trust but also teaches your child that it’s okay to make mistakes—and that you, as their parent, are there to help them learn and grow.
Part of rebuilding trust is ensuring that your child feels safe, not just physically, but emotionally. In TBRI, we call this felt safety. Children need to know they can come to you without fear of punishment or judgment. Just like God is our safe refuge (Proverbs 18:10), we can create a home where our children feel safe even after conflict. This can be as simple as offering them a hug, using a calm tone, or letting them know you’re ready to talk when they are.
Another key to rebuilding trust is taking responsibility when we fall short as parents. Apologizing to your child might feel humbling, but it models grace and humility. It shows your child that even adults make mistakes and that asking for forgiveness is a powerful way to heal relationships. God calls us to confess and heal. We can learn to make heartfelt apologies.
Scripture:
“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” —James 5:16 (NLT)
Friends, as you navigate the journey of rebuilding trust with your child, I want you to remember that every step, no matter how small, matters. It’s in these moments of humility and love that healing begins. Parenting is not about perfection—it’s about progress, grace, and connection. I know the road can feel long, but I want to encourage you to keep showing up with love and openness. You are planting seeds of trust, and in time, those seeds will bear fruit. I’m here with you, praying for you, and cheering you on as you walk this path.
Thank you for trusting me to walk alongside you. I am grateful for this community, and I look forward to hearing how these moments of reconnection bless and strengthen your relationship with your child. Rebuilding safety and trust with your child is your responsibility. Please get the support and help you need. Your commitment to hold fast to the healthy chapters you are committing to walking in is vital to rebuilding trust and safety. It is not enough to be sorry. You must change your behavior.
Action Step:
This week, think of a moment of conflict with your child and offer a re-do. Practice responding calmly and reconnecting before jumping into a correction.
What has helped you rebuild trust with your child after a tough moment? How do you create space for connection and healing in your home?
