Time just stops.
Source: Napatsorn Aungsirichinda/Shutterstock
Infertility disrupts the natural rhythm of life, fragmenting time and reframing how those affected by it experience the world. For anyone undergoing fertility treatments, time no longer follows the familiar flow of weeks, months, or seasons. Instead, life is divided into treatment cycles, appointments, and agonizing periods of waiting.
Rather than marking time by anniversaries or birthdays, individuals find themselves living by ovulation windows, embryo transfers, and the dreaded two-week waits. This cycle-based experience is not only difficult to explain—it’s a reality that can be profoundly isolating.
Living Life by the Calendar
For those enmeshed in the world of fertility treatments, the calendar takes on new importance. It becomes more than a way to track appointments; it’s a lifeline, with each day marked by blood tests, hormone injections, ultrasounds, and transfers.
Daily life is oriented around these appointments, which often consume every aspect of planning and decision-making. How can someone plan a vacation if it might conflict with an upcoming procedure? How can they focus on a career when all mental energy is concentrated on counting down the days until the next test result?
The calendar imposes a segmented structure, fostering a hyper-focus on short-term goals while long-term planning feels impossible. This preoccupation with dates creates a sense of disconnection from the broader flow of life. Individuals feel as though they are living in isolated pockets of waiting, hoping, and anticipating, suspended from the life that continues around them. While others experience the seasons or celebrate milestones, those undergoing fertility treatments live in a reality punctuated by the cycles that shape their chances of becoming parents.
Disconnection and Isolation: The Invisible Impact
The toll of living in cycles extends beyond the individual; it affects relationships and social connections. The constant waiting and hyper-focus on the next milestone create a sense of disconnection from others. Friends and family may struggle to understand the emotional intensity that fertility treatment imposes, making it difficult to explain the urge to skip a gathering or avoid social events. This disconnect creates a unique type of isolation, where individuals feel out of sync with those whose lives appear to be progressing naturally.
Social support can sometimes feel like a double-edged sword, especially when loved ones offer well-meaning but minimizing comments like, “Just relax” or “It’ll happen when it’s meant to.” These responses, although intended to reassure, often deepen the sense of isolation, as they imply that managing time and emotions during treatment is as simple as flipping a switch.
Strategies for Reconnecting With Time and the Present
Navigating this fragmented sense of time calls for intentional strategies to find grounding and presence amid the uncertainty. Here are ways to reconnect with life outside the fertility journey:
- Spending time in nature has been shown to reduce stress, enhance mood, and improve overall well-being. A study in Japan focusing on the practice of “Shinrin-yoku,” or forest bathing, found that immersion in natural environments significantly lowers stress hormone levels and enhances feelings of relaxation. Regular activities such as walks in a park, gardening, or simply sitting outside to absorb the natural environment can help recalibrate one’s sense of time and presence (Li, Q.,2010)
- Set non-fertility milestones: Establishing milestones unrelated to fertility—such as completing a creative project, learning a new skill, or working towards a personal goal—can reconnect individuals to a life beyond treatment. These milestones allow for moments of celebration that aren’t dependent on treatment outcomes.
- Reframing time as a flow: Seeing time as a continuous flow, rather than fragmented by treatments, helps reduce the pressure to fit life into rigid cycles.
Compassion and Understanding: A Final Thought
If you or someone you know is navigating infertility, it’s crucial to recognize that their experience of time might feel profoundly altered. Living in fertility cycles can fundamentally change their perception of life and self, making every day feel suspended in a waiting game. In extending support, the greatest gifts you can offer are acknowledging their complex emotions and validating their struggles.
For those embarking on this path, although time may seem disjointed and unpredictable, there are opportunities to regain a sense of control and power even amidst uncertainty. Slowing down and carving out space for things you want for yourself, in addition to growing a family, is a vital part of this process. This approach allows you to nurture your personal aspirations—parts of your life that will always be yours beyond this journey; infertility does not define you.
Infertility Essential Reads
For friends and family, remember that providing support isn’t just about helping with logistics or offering words of encouragement—it’s about giving the gift of presence. Your understanding and patience can make a significant difference, allowing those affected to navigate their paths with dignity and strength. Together, through empathy and support, the days can be imbued with meaning, bringing relief and a deeper sense of stability to those you care about.
