We all crave good and solid friendships despite differing in how many friends we need. Some of us are content with a few good friends, while others seek out many friends. Often, we want to shift the nature of a desirable friendship from superficial to closer or good to even better. A recent set of studies by Apostolou (2024) helps us identify the strategies that are used to strengthen desirable friendships. After all, who doesn’t want to know how to improve on friendships—those mutually satisfying relationships that provide us with company and social support and can prevent us from that dreadful feeling of loneliness?
In Study No. 1, 218 Greek-speaking individuals were asked to describe the behaviors that they would use to strengthen a friendship with a desirable person. The results of this recent study were extremely interesting, as 54 actions that individuals would engage in to strengthen friendships were described. A total of 434 Greek-speaking individuals participated in Study No. 2. The purpose of the second study was to classify the 54 behaviors into broader categories and to see which categories participants were most likely to engage in to strengthen friendships. Finally, the relationship between personality characteristics and the likelihood of engaging in the various categories of behavior was assessed. The results of this study classified the 54 actions into seven broader categories.
The seven categories with their accompanying behaviors are:
1. More frequent interaction
- Doing an activity together that she/he likes.
- Seeking to be with him/her more.
- Introducing him/her to friends.
- Creating shared memories.
- Suggesting trips/excursions/vacations together.
- More outings together.
- Doing hobbies/activities together.
- Meeting him/her outside of the group.
2. Give gifts
- Giving gifts.
- Give expensive gifts.
- Give small gifts.
- Give him/her something of mine as a present.
- Give gifts based on his/her interests.
- Pay the tab when going out.
- Give gifts to his/her children.
- Offer financial support in difficult times.
- Tell him/her directly that I want to strengthen the friendship.
- Offer support in everyday needs.
3. Creating family ties
- Asking him/her to be my child’s godparent.
- Suggest being my child’s godparent.
- Ask to be his/her best man/maid of honor.
- Ask her/him to be my best man/maid of honor.
- Introduce him/her to my partner.
- Introduce my family to him/her.
4. Provide support
- Give practical support when the desirable friend faces a difficulty.
- Be by his/her side in difficult times.
- Be there when needed.
- Offer psychological support in difficult times.
- When she/he faced a problem, offer to help.
- Try to show him/her that she/he can rely on me when she/he faces a difficulty.
- Spend enough time discussing the problems he/she is facing.
- Contribute as much as I can to solving the problems she/he faces.
- Try to make him/her happy.
- Share my ideas/problems with him/her.
5. Frequent communication
- Call often to see how she/he is doing.
- Talk on the phone more often.
- Seek more frequent communication.
- Drop him/her an SMS or email more often.
6. Show trust
- Share personal issues with him/her.
- Have deeper and more existential conversations.
- Put a lot of trust in him/her.
- Offer praise.
- Have no secrets from him/her.
- Try to get to know him/her better.
- Compliment him/her.
7. Agreement
- I would show more that I agree with his/her views.
- Avoid discussions on issues that we disagree on.
- Do favors for him/her that I wouldn’t do for others.
Interestingly, the most frequently used strategies were providing support, more frequent interaction, and showing trust, in that order. The other strategies were also used but to a lesser extent. Regarding the association between personality characteristics and the use of these strategies, those who were more open and agreeable were more likely to use these strategies. Extroverted individuals were less likely to give gifts than those who were less extroverted. Both conscientiousness and neuroticism were not associated with the use of these strategies. Future research across cultures would be very helpful to see if the use of these strategies varies between cultures. Also, it would be helpful to know if individuals use different strategies with friends of differing personality types. Finally, individuals may use different strategies to enhance same- or different-sex relationships. This, too, should be explored.
