While rudeness can be characterized by a number of behaviors and tendencies, a 2023 study revealed that there’s a significant difference between the way people react and respond to “indirect versus direct” rudeness. When someone shares demeaning or derogatory comments directly, those behaviors are perceived less favorably than when indirectly ignored or talked poorly about behind closed doors.
While indirect rudeness is more challenging to address, and sometimes not worthy of any attention, direct rudeness can be easily questioned in the moment. Learning a few calm but witty phrases to say when someone is being rude can set a boundary of respect for interactions, but also help people shift accountability and the emotional burden intended for them onto the perpetrator.
Here are 10 calm but witty phrases to say when someone is being rude
1. ‘Are you having a bad day?’
Geber86 | Shutterstock.com
According to health psychologist Shilagh Mirgain, our happiness and emotional well-being isn’t solely affected by our own energy and actions, but also greatly influenced by the people around us and in our inner circle. When we allow negative energy from others to seep into our conversations and interactions — from gossip to condescending comments — we’re both setting a standard for the energy we accept in our lives and harming our own self-esteem.
With a witty phrase like this, you can redirect the conversation towards your rude perpetrator, hopefully enough to make them rethink their intentions, but at the very least, to prompt some self-reflection that redirects negative energy away from you.
2. ‘Sorry, I wasn’t listening’
GaudiLab | Shutterstock.com
The majority of rude people who attack others with dismissive comments are operating from a place of insecurity, at least according to Beth Moore’s book “So Long, Insecurity.” They’re not self-assured and confident enough to stand their ground, especially in front of other people who could potentially judge them for their rude comments.
By “not listening” and asking someone to repeat their rude comments again, favorably in front of an audience, you take the power back in a conversation intended to harm you. Your intention never has to be malicious, it’s simply an act of self-preservation and a reinforcement of your healthy boundaries.
3. ‘I agree with you’
Ranta Images | Shutterstock.com
Who doesn’t enjoy self-deprecating humor, especially when it stops a rude person right in their tracks? You don’t like me? Me neither. Is my outfit lazy? I agree with you.
If a rude person is intending to harm your self-esteem, you can confidently reassert your demands for respect in passing conversation by flipping the narrative. Make witty jokes and maintain a calm demeanor — the less their hurtful words affect you, the more power you have in dismissing their rudeness.
4. ‘I’m speaking’
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock.com
Passive rudeness like interruptions in a conversation can be calmly deflecting with a statement like this. Everyone deserves to be heard, understood, and empathized with; it’s simply the hallmark of healthy connection, like Sherry Graf argues in her book “I Don’t Get You: A Guide to Healthy Conversations” — and you hold the power to at least demand the first.
By staying calm and pushing through any anxiety that alters your train of thought, you can both encourage healthy conversation and protect your space in interactions with rude people. Maintain eye contact, address the interruption, and continue your thought — it doesn’t need to be any deeper than that.
5. ‘Thanks for being so understanding’
StockPhotoDirectors | Shutterstock.com
Like therapist Janet Brito argues, a person’s rudeness often has nothing to do with you — they’re battling their own internal discomfort, attention-seeking behavior, and desperate need for control, often stemming from narcissism. By ironically suggesting that someone is dismissing your thoughts or emotions, you remind them that you’re a person, not simply a way for them to shift and project their own insecurities.
You shouldn’t feel the need to explain your need for space in a conversation, and if you find yourself begging for the attention of another person or constantly repeating yourself in the face of interruptions or ignorance, use a phrase like this, and leave it at that.
6. ‘If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong’
Andrey_Popov | Shutterstock.com
Effectively using humor in uncomfortable conversations with a rude person can help to reintroduce empathy and reduce conflict, according to business expert Kathy Klotz-Guest. Especially when you’re in a group of people, utilizing calm but witty phrases to say when someone is being rude can help to alleviate tension and protect yourself from getting wrapped up in negative energy, accusations, and assumptions from others.
You can both empathize with the reasoning behind someone’s rudeness while protecting your own space and making light of tough conversations. It’s not your responsibility to passively ignore or diffuse rudeness at your own expense.
7. ‘I don’t let people speak to me like this’
astarot | Shutterstock.com
Confidence coach Michele Molitor argues that setting clear boundaries in uncomfortable conversations can both safeguard your emotional and psychological well-being, while also reminding others that you don’t tolerate disrespectful or rude behavior. A statement as self-assured and simple as this can protect your energy and promote a healthier environment, whether you’re talking to a friend, a parent, or a stranger.
By effectively preparing for pushback and positively reinforcing growth in your conversation, you deflect negative influences on your self-worth. If you’re struggling to make headway with similar techniques, you always have the free will to limit interactions and excuse yourself from unproductive and toxic conversations and relationships.
8. ‘What do you mean when you say that?’
Antoniodiaz | Shutterstock.com
By objectively responding to rudeness, you open the door for self-reflection in your perpetrator. Make them think twice about shaming or passing judgment on someone else, even if it doesn’t happen in the exact moment of your conversation.
You can steer clear of confusion and confirm what they meant to say with a phrase like this, according to trial attorney Jefferson Fisher, and ensure that you’re both protecting your own space and energy, while avoiding misunderstandings and unnecessary resentment.
9. ‘That’s none of your business’
GaudiLab | Shutterstock.com
The only person you’re obligated to validate your emotions to is yourself. If someone presses your boundaries or makes you feel uncomfortable in a conversation, you have the power to push back and demand respect. And you can do so with one of the calm but witty phrases to say when someone is being rude: “That’s none of your business.”
Sometimes, people will unknowingly push your boundaries, and by utilizing a phrase like this, you can ensure you’re both on the same page. If they continue to disrespect your request or respond rudely, you can decide what the next best step looks like — from walking away, to questioning their intent, or steering the conversation in a different direction.
10. ‘Thanks for your concern’
Andrii Nekrasov | Shutterstock.com
American journalist and ex-Secret Service member Evy Poumpouras argues that someone’s disrespect towards you can sometimes be a response to vague boundaries or an unhealthy environment you’ve built. If they feel comfortable being rude, it’s time for you to shut it down. It’s easier to lead with authority and demand clear respect up front, she argues, and let your guard down over time than to constantly accept disrespect from people in your life.
A phrase like this can be a calm, yet witty, way to ensure you’re not accepting disrespect, especially from people you already have a relationship with. You can respect their opinion and make space for them to share it, as long as they’re not overstepping.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango who focuses on health and wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.
