Sometimes tragedies happen that just can’t be explained. During these times, those affected have to do whatever possible to make it through.
One woman is trying to do just that, but her husband isn’t on the same page. After a tragedy that resulted in the death of her daughter while her mother-in-law was supposed to be watching her, the grieving mom is demanding her husband cut ties with his mom. But is breaking up the family the right way to heal?
A little girl passed away under her grandmother’s supervision.
A heartbroken husband, father, and son shared his story on Reddit, seeking any advice he could find on the difficult situation he faced.
“Around a year ago, our two-year-old daughter drowned in my mother’s pool because she was left unattended by her for exactly two minutes according to the security cameras,” he explained. “The reason she left is because the fire alarm went off inside the house, so she quickly went inside to check for a fire, but my daughter was unresponsive in the pool when she came back after she realized it’s a false alarm.”
“She had crawled in while my mother was gone,” he said sadly. “My mother tried CPR and couldn’t save her. Also worth mentioning she lives really rurally and it took 30 minutes for EMS to show up. Since then, my mother has been super depressed and attempted suicide three times.”
The husband said that he and his wife are doing as well as they can after losing a child.
“Me and my wife were both devastated, but we’re slowly doing better,” he stated. “We recently started grief therapy, and she mentioned that one of the things that would make her feel better was if I cut all contact with my mother.”
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However, her husband didn’t see a reason to do that. “I refused because I don’t think she should be cut off for an unfortunate accident that she obviously feels very bad for,” he said.
“I must also mention that my wife has understandably not interacted with my mother in any way since the day my daughter died, and I fully support her in doing so if it makes her feel better, and I never pushed or asked her to resume contact with my mom, and I’m okay with it if she never does.”
The wife wants her husband to cut ties with his mom but he refused and it’s caused a riff in their marriage.
As his wife continued to pressure him to end contact with his mother, things reached a boiling point.
“Things came to a head last night when she saw me shopping for a birthday gift for my mom,” he said. “She again demanded I cut her off, and I again refused and explained why, despite understanding her hurt and validating her feelings.”
His wife seemed to finally share her true feelings in all their rawness. “She told me that she can’t stay with me if I ‘betray my wife and child’ by keeping contact with someone who was ‘responsible for her and failed her,’ and she threatened to file for divorce, saying it’s either her or my mom,” he recounted. “The night ended with her packing a bag and leaving for a hotel.”
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The husband is being forced into choosing a side in this awful situation.
One Reddit commenter summed up the circumstances the man was in succinctly when they said, “I don’t think there’s any way out of this that doesn’t leave one of them out of your life.”
Really, that’s what it comes down to. The divorce rate for couples that have lost a child is not as high as one might expect. In fact, The Compassionate Friends found in a study that “parental divorce following the death of a child” was 16%.
Forbes reported that the average divorce rate for first marriages is 43%, which is significantly higher than the percentage for couples who lose a child.
This man’s relationship with his wife does not necessarily have to end in divorce. It’s possible that the marriage could be salvaged. However, he would have to give up contact with his mother, whom he doesn’t blame but whose own safety he worries about.
This is a seemingly impossible situation, but before making a choice that could result in devastating consequences, the couple should talk it through with their grief counselor. It certainly wouldn’t hurt to have the grandmother join in as well.
The road to healing won’t be easy for this family, but it is possible.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.
