Parenting has gotten a lot gentler over the years. Through research we’ve learned that the strict punishments of generations past aren’t always the the healthiest or most effective solutions.
We’ve come a long way with how we treat children who don’t conform to societal norms or expectations of how they should act or who they should be, as well. Instead of punishing the neurodivergent for their differences, we celebrate and work with them.
One man thought this was the entirely wrong way of doing things and believed we should return to a time where discipline was always the first reaction.
A man said that we should discipline children instead of diagnosing them.
TikTok content creator Rusty, known on the app as @rustyrooftop21, said in his bio that he is a SAG actor. Rusty has a healthy following, with over 589,000 people watching his videos regularly.
Rusty recently posted a video in which he shared his opinion on how we treat the children of today. “2024,” he said. “We’ve traded disciplining children for diagnosing them.”
Somewhat surprisingly, many people agreed with the man’s views on disciplining children, but others argued that there is a happy medium, especially for neurodivergent kids.
“I agree with you,” one person said. “I haven’t seen anyone on this app yet talk about this.”
Another added, “Exactly, well said.”
“Finally, someone with open eyes,” a third person agreed.
Others felt that there was a happy medium that lay somewhere in between the two extremes.
“You do realize that a child can be diagnosed and disciplined simultaneously?” someone asked. “This comment section is wild.”
“My son is autistic and still has chores and discipline,” someone else put in. “Everybody thinks he’s lovely. He still has to live in this world and I will always support him and encourage manners, etc.”
“My kids got a diagnosis but are disciplined,” another commented.
Parenting experts agree that traditional discipline doesn’t always work for all children and can, in some cases, make behavior worse.
Keywell, an Australian resource for supporting children, noted that “traditional discipline” doesn’t typically work well for kids with neurodivergence.
“When we were kids, parenting was based on the beliefs that children should be seen and not heard and that they should just do as they are told without talking back,” they said. “For many families, hitting, yelling, and shaming were acceptable disciplining strategies.”
However, this isn’t going to cut it anymore.
“Unfortunately, the children who received the most punishments were also more likely to have undiagnosed neurodivergence,” they added.
Keywell continued, “Punishing ADHD kids for things that they cannot control is damaging to their self-esteem and the parent-child relationships. As parents, we need to understand our child’s neurodivergence to be able to distinguish between what is purely a result of how their brain works versus purposeful defiance and breaking of rules.”
“There is extensive research that shows that punishment-based discipline is ineffective,” they said. “Instead, positive reinforcement and proactive strategies are more effective in supporting neurodivergent children in all aspects of life.”
Just as properly disciplining neurodivergent children is important, so is ensuring they receive the correct diagnosis.
While some, like Rusty, may not believe a diagnosis is essential, it actually is. Dr. Cynthia Martin told the Child Mind Institute, “When kids have a disorder that is significant and will impact them on a daily basis, and will show up at school, will show up in their friendships, will show up in their home life, in their adaptive skills, you do need a diagnosis from a medical perspective.”
According to the Child Mind Institute, “The diagnosis is the basis for understanding the child’s conditions, as well as for getting much-needed supports, therapies, and school services.”
This information underscores how important it is for neurodivergent children to actually receive diagnoses. It is the foundation of their care and the way they are treated.
Discipline and diagnosis do not have to be two separate things. As several commenters pointed out, you can still discipline children who have diagnoses. However, it is important to do so appropriately and not use discipline in place of the actual care they may need.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.
