Divorced mom Michelle Raleigh, took to TikTok to share a vulnerable story centered around co-parenting with her ex-husband.
The toddler mom recounted a typical scene: She met up with her ex to pick up her son after a visitation with his dad and new wife. Everything was fine until she noticed the young boy had learned a new word — mama. For most moms, that would have been exciting, but Raleigh realized the young boy was using the term to refer to his stepmom.
Feelings of jealousy and betrayal welled up, illustrating just how difficult co-parenting can truly be.
A divorced mom was ‘shaking’ with emotion after learning her toddler calls her ex-husband’s new wife ‘mama.’
“I found out that my toddler has been calling my ex-husband’s new wife ‘mama,’” Raleigh recounted. “So when he said it in the car, I was [confused], and then my ex-husband said, ‘Yeah, because she is his mom when you’re not there.’”
Overwhelmed with emotion, she desperately sought advice. In attempting to justify her feelings, she said, “I birthed him. I personally feel like I’m the only one who gets that privilege.”
“I can’t imagine calling someone else ‘mom’ when I was growing up and my parents were divorced.”
Of course, Raleigh hasn’t always turned to her platform for advice. In fact, in recent months, she’s gotten vulnerable about how an old “Snark Reddit user” ran criminal background checks on her ex-husband and spread their personal struggles online.
Her ex-husband minimized her distress, arguing that his new wife is the toddler’s ‘mama’ at his house.
In referencing the debacle following her husband’s past being revealed online, Raleigh said the hate on social media plagued every aspect of her life — from her parenting to her job and her old relationship.
However, while the background checks and rumors were distasteful and malicious at the time, she said most of the information was true, and it fueled her distaste for her ex-husband’s parenting style and lifestyle choices.
“When people show you who they are, believe them,” she said in a follow-up video.
Of course, her husband’s addiction struggles and criminal background might’ve been the reason for their divorce, but they weren’t necessarily related to her concern over his new wife’s involvement in their toddler’s life.
“She has her own kids,” Raleigh said. “I’m not trying to dog her; she’s really good with [my son], but I’m really hurt. How would she feel if her kids called someone else ‘Mama?’”
What’s important to note here, however, is that Raleigh acknowledged that her son’s stepmom is good to the boy. Perhaps talking it out is part of the process of letting those emotions go so she can prioritize that over her feelings of hurt and jealousy.
According to RaisingChildren, “Children in blended families and stepfamilies can sometimes feel ‘stuck in the middle’ between their parents. They might worry about which parent they should be loyal to.”
kate_sept2004 | CanvaPro
Being a good co-parent means putting your feelings aside for the happiness of your child.
“My ex-husband is a great dad when he is sober,” Raleigh said. “It sucks that it took the wake-up call of me kicking him out and leaving him to get sober … but I’m so happy now. As for the new wife, I like her, and she’s good to our son.”
It’s clear that Raleigh isn’t trying to gatekeep her son from his father or his new wife; she’s looking forward to fostering a healthy space for all of them to have time with him. However, the boundary of calling her “mom” is bothering her, especially when her ex-husband continues to dismiss her.
“I want him to have as much of a relationship as he wants to with his dad,” she said. “So, he can see them whenever he wants.”
Clearly, she needs to have an open conversation with her ex and his new wife in which she expresses her discomfort, and they can find a solution.
Perhaps that solution is as simple as adding the stepmother’s first name to the mama title, making it unique from his biological mom but still meaningful.
“Try to enjoy the time you spend with your son,” one commenter wrote. “It’s hard, but the resentment will grow if you let it fester … You’ll always be his mom.”
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories
