Weddings are always high-stress events — it’s the nature of the beast. But, for some, extenuating circumstances make an occasion like a wedding even more worrisome.
One woman experienced this as she dealt with in-laws she didn’t realize were toxic until it was too late. Adamant that she didn’t want to be in any photos on her wedding day, a bride felt like her wedding was ruined when her mother-in-law and her husband forced her to do just that.
The bride was forced to do the one thing she didn’t want to do on her wedding day — take photos.
The recently married woman posted on Reddit questioning if she was wrong for feeling upset after her husband and in-laws forced her to take photos on the wedding day.
“Neither of us like the spotlight so [we] agreed on a small event,” she said of herself and her now-husband. “The only thing I was firm about was I didn’t want photos.”
The bride explained that low self-esteem and body image issues make taking photos an anxiety-inducing affair.
She went on to explain why. “My self-esteem is in the toilet,” she said. “In the last 18 months, I have put on weight.”
Although no explanation was needed, the bride offered several reasons why she had gained weight. She said that her parents and grandmother recently passed away, she was laid off twice, had a miscarriage, started a new medication, was depressed, and broke her ankle. This led to her having surgery just 10 days before the wedding.
“I really didn’t want photos that would remind me of the fact I am now fat,” she admitted.
Unfortunately, not everyone in her family was on board with this.
“[A] Few weeks before the wedding, my mother-in-law is talking about going to a local beauty spot for photos,” she said. “I say, ‘No thank you,’ and that yes, I am being serious. My husband hears this and later that night I say again, ‘I really don’t want photos,’ and he says that is fine with him.”
Despite the bride’s insistence, the conversation continued until the wedding day.
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“Day of the wedding my father-in-law and mother-in-law pick us up,” she said. “I am no longer able to drive as I can’t move my ankle.”
“We get the whole legal shindig done and as we are going back to the car, mother-in-law again says let’s go to the beauty spot for photos. I again [say] no, but she tells father-in-law to drive there and my husband just sits there,” she recounted. “I know I gave him ‘the look’ but total silence.”
After being forced to take pictures, the bride was heartbroken and told her husband that he and his mother ‘ruined’ her wedding.
“In the car driving home, my mother-in-law starts showing me the photos and I hate myself in them,” she confessed.
Unsurprisingly, her mother-in-law was none too happy with this reaction.
“This upsets my mother-in-law and there is an atmosphere the whole rest of the day,” she recalled. “I really tried to move on, but I had to get out of that stupid dress and all I really just wanted [was] to hide away.”
“Privately, I told my husband [he] and his mother ruined our wedding day for me because all I can think of is those pictures,” she stated. “He said he didn’t realize I was so serious about no photos, that it’s only for his mum to keep, and that he thinks I look beautiful.”
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Now, this woman is stuck in a terrible predicament. She feels like her husband betrayed her, all while he wants her to apologize to his mother.
“I told him that not 30 mins into our marriage he totally let me down,” she wrote. “He said I was being ridiculous and that I let him down by making such a fuss over a ‘normal part of weddings.’ He also said I had hurt his mother … and that I need to reassure her she hasn’t done anything wrong.”
Couples should deal with toxic families by standing united.
Writing for Glamour, Rebecca Ascher-Walsh said that avoiding drama and clashes with toxic family members on your wedding day is a “universal impossibility.” However, there are things you can do that will help the situation.
At the top of Glamour’s list was for couples to present a united front. This bride and groom did not. He knew what her wishes were and blatantly ignored them. While his mother may have instigated the photo session, he was just as complicit.
In an update on Reddit, the bride shared that she and her husband had an open and honest conversation, and he apologized for not having her back.
“I explained how ambushed I felt and that I only got out of the car to try and keep the peace,” she wrote. “That really upset him. He apologized for not speaking up.”
Sounds like he learned an important lesson.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.
